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Some Questions for the Men about Emotions

Gentlemen,

I would like to do a series of posts about how different men process and work through emotions in marriage.

If you would like to answer some or all of these questions, I would appreciate your insights and perspective greatly!  You may leave a comment on the post.  The more men who answer, the better all the wives will be able to understand and appreciate how differently men deal with emotions from the ways that women do.

1. How affected are you by your wife’s emotions (good and bad)?

2 . How important is your wife’s happiness is to you when you feel respected vs. disrespected?

3.  How difficult is it to put your emotions in words?  Do you need time to be able to do this, or can you talk about emotions immediately during the conflict?

4. What makes you feel emotionally safe or unsafe with with your wife?

5. How easily can a wife wound her husband with angry/hateful/disrespectful words?

6. Is there a dark side to your emotions that you don’t share with anyone, not even your wife, to protect her?  Would you be willing to describe a bit about this, please?

7. How would it affect your communication with your wife if you knew that your wife would be on your team and support you even if you were honest about your negative emotions and feelings?

10 thoughts on “Some Questions for the Men about Emotions

  1. 1. How affected are you by your wife’s emotions (good and bad)? I’m downright codependent! 🙂 I’ve, at times, driven home from work when I knew she was having a particularly hard day with the children. Or my day at work would go to pot. if she’s happy, I’m on cloud nine. I’ve had to learn that although I can play a role, that her moods are not my total responsibility.
    2. If your wife has been disrespectful for a long time, how does her disrespect alter how much her emotions affect you? Like if she’s disrespectful, will I stop caring about how she feels? I might throw that idea around in my brain, but honestly, she’s pretty respectful around me. Our issue is less that. We tend to go into our shells when there is an issue.

    I’ll stop there. I should get back to work. And don’t want to fill this thing up too much.

  2. 1. How affected are you by your wife’s emotions (good and bad)?
    My wife is a perfectionist so she lives with a lot of frustration at things that are not perfect. When she is stressed out, she goes into attack mode and I am the primary target. This has gone on for so many years that I constantly live in a low grade fear of her attacking me. This atmosphere has shut me down emotionally to her. Even when she has positive emotions I am on guard because things can turn on a dime.

    2 . How important is your wife’s happiness is to you when you feel respected vs. disrespected?
    When I feel respected (rarely) I naturally warm up to her and want to connect with her emotionally. When disrespected i feel sadness, anger, rage and indifferent to her.

    3. How difficult is it to put your emotions in words? Do you need time to be able to do this, or can you talk about emotions immediately during the conflict?
    I need time to process my emotions and to make sense of them. I am a cognitive processor so I need to think about what I will say before I say it. In the middle of a conflict I am often frustrated with the speed of the discussion, the many different topics that come up and her demands for answers, I also need to be able to talk without being interrupted otherwise it is like hitting a reset button on my thoughts and emotions. As a result, I often try to walk away or tell her that I need time. She usually refuses and follows me around badgering me for answers. This is when the conflict escalates.

    4. What makes you feel emotionally safe or unsafe with with your wife?
    I no longer feel safe with her. Every conversation is filled with landmines that can go off for any word that can be taken the wrong way. Anything that can be taken wrong will be taken wrong in the worst possible way.

    5. How easily can a wife wound her husband with angry/hateful/disrespectful words?
    My wife can wound me with a disrespectful look.

    6. Is there a dark side to your emotions that you don’t share with anyone, not even your wife, to protect her? Would you be willing to describe a bit about this, please?
    Not really.

    7. How would it affect your communication with your wife if you knew that your wife would be on your team and support you even if you were honest about your negative emotions and feelings.
    It would help tremendously! The main thing that I need from my wife is to know that she is on my side. She almost always takes the opposite side of whatever I say or think. The good news is that she is starting to realize it and the damage it does to our relationship and her relationship with our children.

  3. Hello! I’ve been reading your site for a while now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Huffman Texas! Just wanted to say keep up the excellent work!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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