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11 thoughts on “From a"Thankful Husband"

  1. I relate to your writing, really closely. My wife started the whole control issue, when I didn’t agree with her ditching the family and visiting with friend to watch Sex and the City. Yet she continues to say I’m to die for her and supposed to be the religious leader of my household. I’m screwed up, my family is in shambles. I don’t have peace. Threw it all, God continues to pour blessings as I lead in the business field and strive to be the best steward of what God has loned me to manage.

    One crushing thing for me, huge open wound, when my spouse had affair. The betrayel, and my extreme anger and jealousy ate away at me.

    My wife’s mom knew she was driving alone to and from activites with this other person, yet failed to intervene.

    When she denied me sex and affection, then I discovered while on vacation she was on birth control, ouch that hurt. To top it off I found out when she ditched me to stay out to early morning hours on cruiseship. I was looking for chap stick in her things.

    I’m supposed to be her protector, and when in Miami at hotel pool and very late, I wanted to go to bed. I didn’t feel it was safe to leave her alone in the pool at 1am. She responds by telling me I’m not her F-ng dad.

    My huge form of showing love has been working my tail off to support my family. I know there are other things to do, but it annoys me when she or other christian pastors say your to trust god and he will provide-in the context of you slack off and don’t work hard. My wife attacks me all the time, and says I’m not showing love.

    1. Sad Husband,

      How long ago was the affair?

      Has she repented? What an incredibly painful situation. 🙁

      One thing that shocked me greatly when I learned about men and their perspective on life was that they view providing as their major way of showing love. That blew my mind. I had never thought of my husband working as having anything to do with his love for me. My definition of him loving me was spending time with me, talking with me, listening to me, looking at me like he cared I was there, sending me love notes, cuddling with me, physical affection/sex.

      For the first 16 years of our marriage, I made a lot more money than he did. And I didn’t credit his working as being loving or a provider at all. 🙁 Now I see that I was wrong. And I wish I had understood his heart before. I also think that when the wife makes more money or is the sole provider it is MUCH harder for her to respect her husband.

      It’s easy for a wife to think that if a husband is working overtime – he is NOT showing love to her. But he thinks he IS showing love to her by providing better financially. So there is such a chasm between the two perspectives. Wives DO appreciate their husbands working. But most wives also appreciate the currencies of TIME, CONVERSATION, INVOLVEMENT with the household chores and parenting, AFFECTION and PRAYER. And for women, if some of these currencies are missing from their husbands, they feel unloved no matter how much he is providing financially.

      Wives want their husbands to provide financially, emotionally and spiritually.

      What is it that you believe you need in order to have peace and be happy right now?

      1. Do you have any advice on how to handle the wife making more money than the husband? I earn more and that won’t be changing any time soon. I’m pretty much the sole provider and it makes for a lot of issues.

  2. This is very good but I would love to see a little more help for when its the other way around.
    I am a wife that has a very high sex drive and it can be hard.

    1. I do have some posts on that. I can completely relate. The first thing I would ask is – is there a medical problem? Does your husband have low testosterone? Is he taking blood pressure pills or anti-depressants?
      Some of the big reasons men have a lower drive can be: a naturally lower drive (maybe only desiring sex once a week or every few weeks), feeling disrespected, feeling that the wife has become too aggressive sexually (can be a turn off for some men), exhaustion and stress, low levels of testosterone, pornography addiction, infidelity.
      If the issues are medical – there is SO MUCH HELP for that!
      If the issue is disrespect, then as you cut out the negativity, criticisms, blaming, scolding, lecturing, ordering him around and begin to praise him, encourage him, admire him and back off a bit to give him room to pursue you – that often makes a world of difference.
      There is a post linked at the top of my home page for a free e-book that is very helpful if the issue is pornography addiction.

      Thank you for the comment! I pray for God’s healing and peace in your heart and your marriage!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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