So you realize now that you have deeply wounded your husband by sinning against him and God with your disrespect and trying to control him.
You are not responsible for his actions, his emotions, his response, his relationship with God, his sin, his disobedience, his forgiveness.
You are only responsible for your sin, your actions, your emotions, your responses, your relationship with God, your obedience, your forgiveness.
Part of living by faith is that we will step back and allow God to work on your husband. And the awesome thing is that if you are willing to do things God’s way, it will make it much easier for your husband to forgive you. There is no guarantee. But you, from now on, can become more and more the woman God wants you to be. As you sin less and are controlled by God’s Spirit, your husband will be more drawn to God and to you.
But if you are doing this to change or control your husband, it SO will not work! Do this because you love God, you want to put HIm first in your life, you want His will, His glory and His approval. Do this because you love Jesus more than anything else in all the world and want to be close to HIm and know and love Him more and more. If you combine this pure desire for Him with humility before Him, acknowledging the severity of your sin – you are blessed. You are “poor in spirit” and that is where you have to be to start this journey.
Repent to God for all the sins you can think of. This may take weeks, maybe even months. Repent for every sin, every ungodly thought, every bitter root, every unforgiveness, every critical spirit, every bit of pride and self-righteousness, every malicious thing you said, every hateful thought and word and deed. Focus on your utter sinfulness.
Read Psalm 51 and pray along with David.
Repent to your husband.
Tips – be brief. DO NOT JUSTIFY OR EXPLAIN YOUR DISRESPECT, CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR or ANY SIN. Of course you have reasons for why you sinned. He has reasons for why he sinned against you too. But having reasons for our sin does not excuse our sin. When we explain why we sinned against our husband, it sounds like disrespect and like we believe we were right to do what we did. Then we need to apologize AGAIN!
I would suggest apologizing in person if possible. When he is calm and things are not crazy and you have a few minutes alone.
I would say something like, ” Honey, I realize that I have sinned against God and against you. I have been so disrespectful to you and God commands me to respect you because you are my husband. I was wrong. And I have been very controlling and tried to be in charge and fought your God-given leadership in our marriage. I was very wrong. I repent. I want to learn to be a godly, respectful, submissive wife and honor God and you in our marriage.”
He may react in a variety of ways:
- he may be totally quiet. If so, that is ok! It may take him days or weeks to process this. And he will be watching your behavior and attitude for MONTHS to see if you are for real.
- he may cry and tell you how wounded he is because of your sin against him. If so, please listen, agree you were wrong, hurt with him. Don’t turn on him. Don’t make it about your hurt. Focus on his hurt.
- he may get angry and start telling you all the ways you disrespect him. That’s ok. don’t argue! Listen. He may tell you things that you need to work on, so be open to hearing and be willing to change.
Wait a few minutes, if he doesn’t say anything, thank him for listening. Hug and kiss him if he will let you, and move on.
Here is a video about apologizing to our husbands