About

I am now a very happily married mother of two and part-time pharmacist.  I deeply desire my life to honor Christ.  I have a huge passion for marriage and want to share the things that I WISH I knew before I got married and when I was a newlywed in 1994.  Of course, many times we have to learn things the hard way - but I hope that my experiences might help you learn more quickly than I did!  I’m so glad you are here and welcome you to join me on this journey to become the wives God desires us to be. :)

WE HAD A GREAT FOUNDATION

We started dating when I was 15 and my hubby was 16.  He was my only boyfriend and we dated for 6 years before getting married.  We were both Christians, both were raised in Christian homes and both of us have parents who are still married and set good examples.  There were no major problems, abuse, addictions, threats of divorce or anything awful in our families or our own marriage.  We were committed to each other and to God.  I had quiet times every day.  We went to church every Sunday.  We loved each other.  We knew divorce wasn’t an option when things got tough.  We never even would use the word with each other.

No one should be as prepared as we were for marriage, right?

I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE WELL EVEN THOUGH I HAD READ THE BIBLE AND THOUGHT I WAS OBEYING GOD .

There were so many things about femininity, marriage, career, parenting and the roles of husbands and wives that I just accepted “as is” from our culture and never really questioned.  I thought I WAS living as a biblical wife.  I had read God’s instructions about marriage many times.  I read “wives must respect their husbands.” (Ephesians 5:33) and assumed I was doing fine with that.  I mean, I didn’t scream, cuss, call him names, destroy property or throw things.  (Well, I did throw a pair of panties at him once.  But they were CLEAN and they didn’t actually hit him.)

When my husband would very rarely insist about something, I would eventually concede to him, knowing he had God-given authority in our marriage - but only after a lot of arguing my case, trying to get him to change, and explaining how I was right and my way was much better and more biblical than his.  I was not a cheerful follower.

I thought my husband usually agreed with me and everything was fine. I would try to get my husband to lead – the way I wanted him to, of course!  I pushed him for quick decisions and would become exasperated when he didn’t know what he thought immediately like I did.  I expected him to be another ME, to think like a woman.  I didn’t realize he needed time to process what he thought and felt about big decisions and how differently his brain was wired from mine.

I often felt so lonely in our marriage, stressed, overwhelmed and worried. I constantly tried to figure out how to MAKE things happen the way I thought they should.  I carried the weight of the marriage on my shoulders and felt spiritually, emotionally and financially responsible for decisions in a lot of ways and I did not have much peace.

I was a dominant wife – a control freak.  I was the dominant identical twin growing up – so that talkative, leadership role just felt pretty normal – even though it wasn’t healthy.  It was all I knew!  I shared ALL my thoughts and feelings – holding nothing back – just like I had with my twin sister.

I was always outgoing, friendly and decisive. I became a pharmacist and that probably only increased my OCD tendencies to take over and handle things myself in our marriage, too.  I never turned off the “patient counselling” mode from work.  So I told my husband what to do – a lot.  I had always felt very overly responsible for myself and everyone around me. (I didn’t grasp God’s sovereignty very well - only my responsibility – so my trust was more in myself in many ways  than in God).

MY METHODS WORKED GREAT AT SCHOOL AND WORK

I worked HARD in school and always expected myself to make all A’s. I was a perfectionist.  I was super critical of myself and had little grace for myself - or anyone else.  I knew what I wanted and how I was going to get it. I was driven.  I was also a people pleaser and wanted everyone to be happy with me all the time.

I thought I knew best about just about everything - for myself, for my husband, for other people - and really, I thought I knew better than God even though I never consciously said that.  I thought people needed my advice and help. I was rewarded for all my efforts in school and in pharmacy with wonderful grades, full scholarships and customer service awards.  But why didn’t my winning approach work with my husband?

A PASSIVE HUSBAND

My husband tended to be quiet, calm, patient and reserved even before we married. After a rocky start our first summer of marriage with me badly spraining my lower back the week after our honeymoon, housing issues, various conflicts and job-finding problems for my husband, he became VERY withdrawn and would hardly talk at all.  He didn’t smile. He didn’t look at me.  He often wouldn’t even touch me or say good night to me that whole first summer.

I didn’t understand what happened to the guy who was so wonderful, responsible, capable  and loved me so much for the past 6 years.  He became increasingly passive and I felt that meant I “had” to take over.

The truth was that he was overwhelmed, confused, not sure what to do with me, trying to find a job to support us, trying to get a house ready for us to live in (working on it until 1am 6 nights a week with his dad for the first 3 months of our marriage after working a 40 hour/week job each day, too).  He was exhausted.  He was inexperienced as a husband.  He was inexperienced as a leader.  He had never seen me act this way.  I was hysterical for the few minutes he was with me each day.  He thought he’d leave me alone and I’d be better in a few days – that didn’t work.

We stayed together.  Things got better after the work on the house stopped.  But our unhealthy patterns took deep root.

WE WERE VERY UNPREPARED

I was extremely arrogant before we got married. I thought we wouldn’t have conflicts – that we were ABOVE the problems other couples had and that things would be the same wonderful way they had always been for the 6 years we dated.  You know, there’s a verse about that in Proverbs – “Pride comes before a fall.”   Yep.  It sure does!

Apparently, I was extremely spoiled, selfish and spiritually immature – but I didn’t know I was. I felt alone and like I had nowhere to turn or go to for wise advice.  I tried to tell my husband all the details about how awful I felt every day. I thought if he knew the depths of my pain he’d care and love me again. I felt utterly rejected and unloved.  What I didn’t realize was that I was approaching my husband very disrespectfully.

My husband really did still love me.  But we didn’t know how to handle all the crises that were happening and had no idea what the other needed.

There were MANY times that were  much better in our marriage. But FYI – house renovations and severe prolonged sleep deprivation and/or major injuries can be a BIG trigger for marriage problems!!!

HE NEEDS TO CHANGE, GOD!

For 14+ years I prayed that God would change my husband.  If HE would just be more loving and step up more as a leader – things would be great!  I didn’t see my prayers being answered.   I felt like I was trying to drag him toward God and make him be what I wanted him to be.  I was negative, critical, bossy, and condescending.  I didn’t accept my husband as he was.  I wanted him to change.  And I wanted him to do things MY way.  I was angry with God.  I was praying for God’s will!  How could He not answer me?  I didn’t realize that if I disrespected my husband’s God-given authority over me – my prayers weren’t going to be heard – especially with all my pride.

MY BLINDING LIGHT EXPERIENCE

Then I read “Love and Respect” by Dr. Eggerichs.  The “scales of disrespect” (as Dr. Eggerichs calls it) fell off of my spiritual eyes as I realized that I had actually been sabotaging our marriage. ME.  My own disrespect had forced my husband to withdraw from me to protect himself.  I felt like I was looking at a marriage report card where I had expected to get at least an A if not an A+ and I only got about a D-.  I was devastated – and repentant.

I had never realized that men needed respect the way women need love.  I thought he thought and felt like I did.  I thought that if he was hurt in our marriage, he would tell me, like I told him.  I thought his needs were identical to mine.  I thought we were the SAME.  That’s what feminism taught us, after all!

I began to understand my husband’s masculine needs and his world view.  I was shocked to discover how differently he saw the world and how differently he thought.  I discovered God’s design for marriage, for godly femininity and masculinity.

I resolved to learn everything I could about being a godly wife.  I told him in late 2008 that he was going to “feel like the most respected husband on the planet” one day.  He laughed.  In a good way.

A LONG JOURNEY

I began praying for God to change ME!  I began thanking God and my husband for the good things in him.  I truly humbled myself – by God’s grace!  And things started slowly changing.

I quit running ahead and stopped trying to take over.  I learned I DID NOT know best.  I learned my husband had valid, wise ideas that often took us to a much better place than my way would.  I learned God’s ways are so much higher than my own. I learned that husbands and God have a much different time-table from mine – and that is ok.

It took a LOT of studying, prayer and humility and the work of God’s Spirit in me. But after about 2 years respect and biblical submission was finally a habit.  I didn’t have to consciously do spiritual and emotional gymnastics all the time anymore to do the respectful and submissive thing. I also discovered God’s design for femininity and truly developed a peaceful, gentle spirit that does not give way to fear!  ME!?!?   What an amazing God we serve!

UNEXPECTED RESULTS

I was shocked when I started really obeying God that I  had so much deep, new peace unlike anything I had ever experienced and bubbling over joy every day.  I began to understand my identity as a woman in Christ.  Wow!  I felt beautiful, feminine, empowered and like I was becoming the woman I always wanted to be!  I didn’t have regrets in my marriage anymore (except for in the past).  I knew what my husband needed and I knew how to give it to him!  For many years I would BEG him to tell me what he needed and he didn’t know.  So I thought there was nothing I had to give him that would bless him.  I knew I needed his love, and I felt like he didn’t need me at all. It was SO exciting to find out I DID have valuable contributions for the marriage that would meet his masculine needs!  WOOHOO!

I LOVED learning about respect and biblical submission.  The heavy weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders.  I wasn’t afraid, anxious, worried or overwhelmed anymore.  I felt cherished, adored, loved, protected,  and enjoyed learning to rest in God’s love and my husband’s love and just be still.  My life had changed so much, I was and still am overflowing with thankfulness and praises for God!

THE BIRTH OF TWO MARRIAGE MINISTRY BLOGS

In April of 2011, my husband said, “You HAVE to share what you have learned with other wives.”  He had seen the changes last for a long time, and he knew the changes in me were here to stay.  So this January I began to blog!  I LOVE it!  I pray that God might use me to speak only His truth and that others might find hope, courage and faith by my example.

Now MY husband calls himself the “Respected Husband” and blogs about marriage!?!?!?!?  www.respectedhusband.wordpress.com  THAT BLOWS MY MIND!  I have seen God do so many miracles! Nothing is impossible with His power and our obedience!  I can’t wait to see all the God and my husband have in store!  Every day feels like such a romantic adventure – I never know what new answer to prayer or wonderful surprise awaits me from my husband and from God.

MY PRAYER FOR OTHER WIVES

I pray that you will discover your power in your marriage and how obeying God’s commands for you in the Bible is the pathway to your own fulfillment intimacy, peace, joy and romance – both with God and with your husband.  God’s design for women and men in marriage is beautiful!   His ways are BEST!  They are so much better than our own. We are different by His divine design to complement each other.  God’s commands bring freedom and joy.  The Bible is extremely relevant to us today. I pray that you might find the same joy, peace, sense of purpose and fulfillment in your spiritual walk with Christ and with your husband that I have found!

JESUS IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!  7 minute video

PS:

This blog will be most relatable for wives who tend to be strong willed/in charge whose husbands are passive.

If your husband is controlling or you are more passive – many things I talk about will still apply (God’s Word always applies)- but you may have to approach some of the practical issues from a different angle.  This blog may not be as helpful for you.

If you are in a marriage with severe problems – infidelity, abuse, uncontrolled mental health issues, active addictions – please do not read my blog, but seek godly, experienced help ASAP!!!!!

I only write for wives – I don’t write for husbands. A husband cannot force his wife to respect him and submit to him. She must do this willingly and voluntarily out of her love and respect and obedience to Christ.

259 Comments on “About”

  1. joleneengle
    April 2, 2012 at 10:34 pm #

    April,
    What a beautiful testimony about how God has worked in you and through your marriage! I loved reading your comment on my site about how your husband has a blog called the Respected Husband. My email address for the last 14 yrs. (since we got married) has been respectyourhusband@…..
    When I set up my account I did not have to worry about anyone having THAT address! So good to meet you!
    ~jolene

    • Christine
      August 26, 2013 at 4:56 pm #

      Dearest April,
      I’ve just begun watching your videos this past week and I play them consecutively though out the house directly after my worship time. You don’t know how much you’ve helped me grow into a peaceful wife, the fruit you are producing must be uncountable, and god surely is using you as his tool to sharpen many women’s lives all over the world. I am jumping into the timeline of your videos, and your blog to get as much info as possible. I see so many wives in leadership who could benefit from your videos as well. I see an image of you on the screen and also see myself in you (hopefully God does the same work in me as he has in you). Thank you for being a FAITHFUL wife, not just a peaceful one.
      Warmly,
      Christine Varichak

      • peacefulwife
        August 27, 2013 at 6:24 am #

        Christine,

        I’m so thankful that God is working in your life! And what an answer to prayer that He is able to use me to be a small part of that. :)

        God changed me so much – I just can’t keep these treasures to myself!!!

        I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for you life, too. I appreciate the encouragement!

        • Jackie Tshabhalala
          January 29, 2014 at 1:35 am #

          Good day
          i just discoverd your site today and i need you to pray with me as i feel most of the problems other wives have are similar to what i am experiencing in my marriage.

        • Rebecca
          June 10, 2014 at 5:31 am #

          Dear April,
          Thank you so much for sharing your story…as I was reading it..I felt like I was reading my own marriage story !! and I am glad that I found your blog and to know that God can change anyone if they are willing and submit to His plans for us is just amazing !!!
          I used to be the ‘know it all’ and stubborn,dominating wife but in recent times and through prayers , reading His word and many Christian wives blog..I have been able to make positive changes in my life…Please continue to share and write your experiences as it enriches the lives of many !! God bless you and your family.

          • peacefulwife
            June 10, 2014 at 7:21 am #

            Rebecca,
            I am so thrilled to hear what God is doing in your life! WOOHOO!!!!!! Thank you for sharing. I can’t wait to see all that He has planned for you. :)

  2. Joanna Aislinn
    April 29, 2012 at 9:56 pm #

    This looks like an awesome blog, April. Thanks so much for stopping by mine!

  3. SJBeals
    May 1, 2012 at 11:00 am #

    Loved “meeting” you today. Great articles on respecting your husband. God bless you!

  4. From The Pews
    May 17, 2012 at 10:44 am #

    ” I learned God’s ways are so much higher than my own. I learned that husbands and God have a much different time-table from mine – and that is ok.”

    This line was the MOST Powerful…at least for me.

    Thank you for having the COURAGE and Willingness to Share.

    God Love You ♥

    • peacefulwife
      May 17, 2012 at 10:59 am #

      From the Pews,
      You are welcome! I have done a LOT of learning the past 3.5 years specifically. And now I can actually be still and wait on God and be still and wait on my husband. It’s SO freeing! Some of the stuff I share is definitely DIFFICULT. But I pray that God might somehow use my mistakes and sinful pride to help other women grow closer to Him and to their husbands!

      • Marlena
        October 3, 2013 at 7:43 am #

        i actually found it difficult to be still and wait…. and many things happen daily that makes my husband and me far away from each other… pls, can i have your email address? i would love to write to u personally…

  5. Melody
    May 17, 2012 at 4:38 pm #

    Thanks for stopping by and liking my post as it led me back to you. What an incredible journey you two have taken. I’m eager to read more from your archives as I see similar vignettes in our marriage. Thanks for sharing your experiences!

    • peacefulwife
      May 17, 2012 at 5:57 pm #

      Melody,
      You are more than welcome! I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for you and your marriage!!! It’s such an exciting adventure! You are in my prayers!

  6. naeliz04
    May 19, 2012 at 9:55 am #

    I think you would really enjoy reading Finding the Hero in your Husband by Julianne Slaghtery…It is also really good…I loved the Love and Respect book and conference. Such a life changing experience :D SO excited to get to know you better :D

    • peacefulwife
      May 19, 2012 at 10:13 am #

      Naelize04,
      I love that book!!!!! Thanks for the great recommendation! I look forward to learning more about your story, too! Praying for God to blaze brightly in your marriage!

  7. Adam's Eve
    May 19, 2012 at 11:30 am #

    I’m nominating you for the Versatile Blogger Award! Thank you for your ministry! I love your blog! http://becominghiseve.wordpress.com/2012/05/19/the-versatile-blogger-award/

  8. gpscribe
    May 19, 2012 at 1:08 pm #

    Wow! It is so encouraging to read your story. Thank you for sharing it! You speak truth so gracefully. Going against the flow of the culture we live in is no walk in the park – thank you for sharing your peaceful & truthful perspective. I look forward to reading your posts and gaining strength from them.

  9. A Woman and Her Pen!
    May 19, 2012 at 1:36 pm #

    I was sooooooooooooooooo blessed by this!

  10. the crunchy christian
    May 21, 2012 at 10:25 pm #

    I decided to check out your blog after seeing you liked the “ABCs”. Now that I know your story, I really have to recommend the book I quoted: ‘Created to Be His Help Meet’ by Debi Pearl. It sounds right up your alley and I really appreciated it. :)

    • peacefulwife
      May 21, 2012 at 10:53 pm #

      The crunchy Christian,
      Thanks! I have got to check that book out! I appreciate your recommendation very much. :)

      It’s wonderful to meet you!

  11. fivereflections
    May 23, 2012 at 11:43 pm #

    hello nice to meet you
    David in Maine USA

  12. Dawn Wilson
    May 29, 2012 at 1:13 pm #

    I hope you will not be put off by this question, but can you tell me ~ are you an evangelical Christ-follower? Mormon? Another persuasion?

    I love your posts, and truth is truth (and you seem to have a strong evangelical, biblical worldview), but I need to know your religious bent so I can consider whether I can recommend your website to others and/or quote you.

    • peacefulwife
      May 29, 2012 at 1:54 pm #

      Dawn, I am so sorry if this isn’t obvious. I definitely don’t intend to hide the fact that I am a Christian. I believe we have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God. I believe the Bible is the inspired, inerrant Word of God and that Jesus graciously provides the only available path to a relationship with the one and only God. I believe salvation is by faith and that faith involves committing ourselves as completely to Christ as He committed Himself to us. He is my Lord not just my Savior. It is only by the power of His Spirit working in me that I am able to do anything good in His eyes. Thanks for the question!

      Sent from my iPhone

  13. katharinetrauger
    June 2, 2012 at 10:51 am #

    Hello-o-o-o! Thanks for the “like” at my site! (TheConqueringMom.com)
    I am extremely excited to find you. I hope we can develop a mutual relationship based on blogging on the same topic.
    I love the excitement you add to the mixture, and rejoice to see you walk in this new-found joy AFTER many years of marriage. I value your emphasis on HOW to achieve this state, whereas my emphasis is just on WHAT the goal should be. I need a dose of excitement after 43 years of marriage. Ha! ;-)
    You are such a good communicator, too, clearly and engagingly writing what could be a dreadful message to some.
    Thanks for minding your husband about starting a blog.
    I’ll be sending people here — the ones who start crying after I try to help them! :-D

  14. dianewilkie
    June 3, 2012 at 2:54 pm #

    Dear April,
    This site is a major blessing to me and very wholesome and helpful. So if its alright with you I am nominating you for the versatile blogger award. Please check it out at the versatilebloggeraward.wordpress.com

  15. dianewilkie
    June 3, 2012 at 3:03 pm #

    Hi April,
    I have found your site to be a wholesome blessing! I am therefore nominating you for the versatile blogger award. For details please see: theversatilebloggeraward.wordpress.com

    Many blessings!

    Love Diane

  16. sheismrsbeasley
    June 5, 2012 at 12:47 am #

    Thank you so much for stopping by my blog. What a great testimony you have! I have such a desire to use writing to glorify Him and give others hope. I can definitely see how your ministry here is doing that. So nice to “meet” others using their story to help others deepen their walk.

    • peacefulwife
      June 5, 2012 at 7:10 pm #

      Sheismrsbeasley,
      I, too have a huge heart for Christ and for marriage. I pray God might speak through me! Thanks for visiting my blog! I pray God might use you to shine brightly for His glory!

  17. rslavoie
    June 6, 2012 at 12:22 pm #

    Thanks for stopping by lifeinjoyfuljuxtaposition! It’s always a blessing to come across sisters in Christ who are using their blogs to encourage and equip others :) May God richly bless your efforts and your marriage!

  18. Wayne Augden
    June 12, 2012 at 8:27 am #

    I’m so glad you visited my blog, otherwise I would never have had the opportunity to read your wonderful testimony of what God has done for you and your marriage. Praise Him for His wonderful works. In Christ, Wayne

  19. theonlyoption
    June 12, 2012 at 3:32 pm #

    Our marriage story is sooo similar only we were unsaved and it was when our marriage was headed toward divorce that my husband was saved and surrendered our marriage to God. Our marriage was restored and I too became born again during that time. We live in a military community filled with young wives who have no idea how to respect and honor their husbands just was I didn’t at their age. I receive unspeakable joy in ministering to them and seeing the lightbulb go off when they get it and they choose to love their husbands the way God intended. We do the “Love and Respect” small group for couples most semesters and the book “The Excellent Wife” as a women’s group. I will definitely recommend your blog to these precious young wives. Thank you for sharing :)

    • peacefulwife
      June 12, 2012 at 7:09 pm #

      theonlyoption,
      I am thrilled to hear about all that God has done in your life, your husband’s life and your marriage! Congratulations and PRAISE GOD! And I am so excited that you are sharing this incredibly powerful and freeing information with other young wives. This is some EXTREMELY difficult stuff for women to swallow at first sometimes, but WOW! It sure works! I’m very pleased for you to share my blog with the precious wives you work with. You are very welcome!

  20. DM
    June 13, 2012 at 5:08 pm #

    We attended the Love and respect seminar live several years ago now..God used it to take a pretty good marriage to the next level. We still talk about the “crazy cycle” and the energy cycle in our relationship. we’ve been married 33 yrs this past april..My wife is still my best friend and there is a lot of energy in our marriage. I’m excited for you as a couple that God has blessed the two of you as well. DM

    • peacefulwife
      June 13, 2012 at 6:55 pm #

      Thanks so much for sharing your story, too! Praise God He can teach us, change us and grow us!

  21. Debbie
    June 13, 2012 at 10:07 pm #

    Thank you for noticing and liking a post on Shadows. I really like where you are going with your blog!

    • peacefulwife
      June 14, 2012 at 8:27 am #

      Thanks, Debbie! It’s great to “meet” you!

  22. Kim
    June 13, 2012 at 11:17 pm #

    Hi April………thanks for visiting my blog “Unwalled” and liking my post re: ten tips to help protect you marriage against adultery. I am happy that I visited your blog……..your testimony is very inspiring and a blessing; thanks for sharing it. Continue to be a light in a world so often filled with darkness………All the best……..Kim

    • peacefulwife
      June 14, 2012 at 8:28 am #

      Kim – it’s wonderful to see women standing for marriage and willing to honor God and their husbands! Thank you for what you are doing!

  23. 8 kids and a business
    June 15, 2012 at 9:14 am #

    Hello and thanks for liking “What Kind Of Man Has Eight Kids” over on my blog. What a wonderful blog you have!

    • peacefulwife
      June 15, 2012 at 10:49 pm #

      You’re welcome and thank you VERY much!!!!! :) Great to “meet” you!

  24. WHeinemann
    June 16, 2012 at 9:05 pm #

    I have nominated you for “One Lovely Blog Award”! Here’s the link: http://encourageoneanotherdailyblog.wordpress.com/2012/06/16/one-lovely-blog-award/ Congrats! And thanks for sharing your words!

  25. Lilee
    June 18, 2012 at 10:01 am #

    I have nominated you for the Sister Of World Bloggers Award. Please go to my blog http://myhappydance.wordpress.com/2012/06/18/sisterhood-of-the-world-blogger-award/ to get information to add your award to your blog. :)

  26. nickybw
    June 27, 2012 at 11:26 am #

    Glad you stopped by, check out my recent article on submission, a little different from yours but I think you’ll like it. I loved reading many of your articles. It’s lovely to see a marriage blossom and grow and please keep keeping it real, it’s a learning curve.

  27. admoran
    June 29, 2012 at 10:45 pm #

    Hi there! We are on the same journey, it seems! I have spent too much of my (FANTASTIC MARRIAGE) being a dominant wife who inadvertently disrespected her husband. I am learning what it truly means to position myself under the covering and authority of my husband, and, WOW, what an awesome place to be!! I look forward to reading your blogs!

    • peacefulwife
      June 29, 2012 at 11:12 pm #

      Admoran,
      I am SO excited for you! This is the most amazing journey ever! I LOVE being under my husband’s authority and covering. I feel so safe, cherished, loved, adored and protected these days. And so peaceful. I can’t wait to hear more about your story and to see all that God has in store for us, our faith, our husbands and our marriages! Thanks so much for your comments and encouragement!

  28. Arlene F. Britt
    June 30, 2012 at 9:28 pm #

    Awesome testimony! I’ll be back! God bless you and your honey. :)

    • peacefulwife
      June 30, 2012 at 9:56 pm #

      Arlene,
      Thanks so much! It’s great to meet you! Looking forward to getting to know you better.

  29. Diva's in Christ
    July 7, 2012 at 5:38 pm #

    awesome blog.

  30. Charity G
    July 20, 2012 at 2:32 pm #

    Seems that I have also nominated you for the Sisterhood of the World Blogger’s Award. http://watmattersmost.wordpress.com/2012/07/20/sisterhood-of-the-world-bloggers-award/. Thank you for building my faith and comforting my heart with your words.

    • peacefulwife
      July 20, 2012 at 3:09 pm #

      Thank you for the kind words!!! I pray your marriage and faith might greatly honor Christ!

      • Charity G
        July 20, 2012 at 6:23 pm #

        You are welcome and thank you for teaching the truths we need to hear.

  31. Jeannie Davis
    July 23, 2012 at 11:12 am #

    Hey there! It’s me again…..your friendly blog post stealer! I just wanted to let you know that I am trying to get caught up on some blogs and I am going to use some of your posts to get that accomplished. I know you gave me permission before but I just wanted to let you know I am thieving again. LOL

    In His service,
    Jeannie

  32. rslavoie
    July 23, 2012 at 4:00 pm #

    Hello there! :) I realize you were JUST nominated for this by Charity, but if you read my blogpost you’ll understand why you’re being nominated again for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award.

    Obviously there is no need to accept the same award twice but I just wanted to acknowledge the great blessing you have been! I’m beginning to realize there are so many bloggers I have yet to connect with since receiving this award so I’m grateful and excited to discover even more connections with fellow sisters in Christ.

    I hope you continue to be blessed and amazed by our faithful Lord and Savior.

    • peacefulwife
      July 27, 2012 at 9:23 pm #

      lifeinjoyfuljuxtaposition,
      THank you! I pray that God might be greatly glorified through all that I do and say and I pray He might use you to bless many marriages as well!

      • Kay
        August 22, 2013 at 10:43 am #

        You really should read “When Words Hurt” by RBC Ministries. (http://discoveryseries.org/discovery-series/when-words-hurt/) Some of the ‘advice’ you are giving could be very dangerous and damaging to many (myself included!).

        • peacefulwife
          August 22, 2013 at 11:08 am #

          Kay,

          I am so glad to hear from you!

          If I am not representing God’s Word accurately, or if I am sinning against you in some way – I definitely want to know about it. Would you please share the issues that you have so that I may consider them?

          My desire is to edify and build up my sisters in Christ, to point them to Christ and to His Word and to exalt God and His design for marriage. It is not at all my desire or intention to destroy.

          Thank you very much!

          In Christ,
          April

        • Tanya
          April 4, 2014 at 2:54 am #

          I learned a lot and agree with everything you said on your videos! May God bless you and continue to use you for ministering other ladies like me! You’re a blessing!

          • peacefulwife
            April 4, 2014 at 6:56 am #

            Tanya,
            Thanks so much! I’m glad this was a blessing to you. :)

            • Leslie
              August 9, 2014 at 12:08 pm #

              Hello April,
              I have loved reading your blog and love being able to recommend a blog that encourages women to be godly wives. I just read about your background and have a question regarding your 6 years of dating your husband before marriage. My hubby and I just finished writing some rules for our children for dating, and we have felt having a long term boyfriend/girlfriend could lead to too much physical contact. How do you have such a long term relationship without falling into temptation?

              We have stated that our children are not allowed to date without a chaperone, but I can’t imagine them dating for so long without an uncontrollable urge to want more physical intimacy. We don’t believe young people should date until they are ready for marriage, but we would rather they date with parameters than behind our backs. Any input/advice on how to handle this with our children would be greatly appreciated. (We dated for 5 months before getting engaged, so long term dating is a strange concept for me!) :-)

              • peacefulwife
                August 9, 2014 at 2:20 pm #

                Leslie,

                We are working through these issues now – because our children are still young. Our son is 12 and our daughter is 7.

                We had never heard of the concept of “courtship” in modern times when we were dating. I believe we had way too much unsupervised time and freedom. And the temptation was very great. We definitely pushed the limits more than I would ever want to think about. We had no accountability partners. Our parents did not have rules about us being supervised or chaperoned. Our parents were all believers. But, we received very little guidance about how to protect ourselves from temptation and how to honor God.

                We did wait to consummate our relationship on our wedding night. But was our physical interaction holy and a godly example? No. Definitely not.

                We are still hashing through these issues. I don’t know that I am remotely qualified to give any kind of blanket recommendation for parents. I am very thankful for Greg and that I never had any other boyfriend. I never kissed anyone else. My twin sister dated her now-husband for 5 years from her senior year in high school through junior year of college and they married the same summer Greg and I did – before my senior year of college. Greg’s brother and his wife dated for 7 years from the time his brother was in 10th grade. All of us are still married. There are no divorces in our families at this point.

                Is it possible for a couple to meet at a young age and have a godly courtship and be sexually pure until marriage? Yes. Absolutely, I believe it is – through the power of God.

                I can understand the merits of a short courtship and engagement. I also believe that if a couple has more guidance and accountability, a longer dating situation may be possible.

                There are advantages and disadvantages to either approach – a long dating relationship or a short one.

                A lot of the most godly guys and girls are taken before college. There is a greater percentage of godly young people available in high school. There are also opportunities to see how the person acts and to get to know the family of the future spouse over a long period of time which helps a person know what he/she is getting into if the time is used wisely.

                I believe this will require great sensitivity on the part of each parent and child to God’s Spirit. I am sure it will be a difficult road either way in this godless culture today. It breaks my heart that my children will have to search for a godly spouse in this mess of a culture. But – I trust God to give us wisdom each step of the way.

                One thing that helped us a lot was that we only saw each other once a week. We lived about 25 minutes apart and went to different schools, different churches and had our own friends and our own lives. We talked for about 1 hour every night. I think that there are definitely things, as I look back, that our parents could have done to help reduce our level of temptation.

                Some things I want to emphasize with our children will be things like:

                - don’t be alone in a house or bedroom
                - have accountability partners
                - focus more on how you can most honor God and pursue purity instead of focusing on “how far can I go and still be ok?”
                - it may be wise not to talk about marriage until marriage is an actual possibility (we were talking about marriage at the end of our 10th grade year!)
                - it may be wise to do things as groups and to be chaperoned at all times
                - it is wise to develop physical boundaries BEFORE the issues come up – maybe with the help of godly parents

                The Duggers have a lot to say about courtship and the rules they have for their children, which has been very interesting for me to read. You can google “Duggers courtship.” They have a list of 7 rules, I think, about courtship.

                I am so old that we didn’t have the internet or cell phones when I was dating Greg. I think that there will need to be limits and healthy boundaries on these kinds of things, too.

                Praying for God to give you and your husband much wisdom!

  33. Adria
    July 26, 2012 at 1:13 am #

    Wow! A friend sent me this blog… it’s exactly the kind of testimony I needed to hear. Even Godly women have told me that I should confront my husband and make him understand he has a responsibility to me that he isn’t fulfilling. I haven’t felt like that idea sat quite right with my soul and sure enough it does not say anything like that in the Bible. I believe God truly used this to teach me tonight. Thank you for following God in such a way that only the Holy Spirit can explain your change, it makes your testimony a tool for God. Praise him!!!

    • peacefulwife
      July 26, 2012 at 7:59 pm #

      Adria,
      I am so glad to hear that you are encouraged. Don’t hestitate to ask me questions or contact me if you have concerns! May God richly bless your marriage!

  34. Jerilyn Willie
    August 1, 2012 at 9:44 pm #

    I would love to subscribe to your blog but for some reason the RSS link isn’t working for me to access using my phone! Please add my email to the subscription list! Thank you in advance! Jeri83839@yahoo.com

  35. Kim in NC
    August 2, 2012 at 9:16 pm #

    I really loved your post on To Love Honor and Vacumn. What a blessing. So here I am on your blog and I signed up to get it when you right.
    Thanks again for sharing your journey.
    God Bless,
    Kim in NC

    • peacefulwife
      August 2, 2012 at 9:51 pm #

      Thanks for the kind words, Kim! Welcome to Peacefulwife! I pray that God might richly bless your marriage and your walk with Christ. Let me know if you have any questions, concerns or issues you’d like me to address!

  36. amberdover
    August 7, 2012 at 12:46 am #

    I am so excited about you and your husband’s blogs. I can’t wait to dive in. I’ve read so many marriage books and often I’ve thought that I was a respectful wife but I can be really controlling. My hubby is such a sweet guy. He is a disabled vet and has some PTSD issues. I’ve had a hard time dealing with how war changed him and also how it affects his relationship with our little boy. Sometimes I feel like I have to choose sides or play referee. It makes me so sad because I don’t want my son to grow up disrespecting my hubby……but I also don’t want my hubby to hurt my son’s little spirit. I really don’t know what to do. I’m not sure when to step in and when to keep silent. It’s been a huge battle and I pray this blog helps me. I know the verses about submission and I’ve read the books…….I just don’t know how to apply them in every day situations. I’m so glad you give examples. God bless! ~Amber D.

    • peacefulwife
      August 7, 2012 at 10:02 pm #

      Amber,
      It’s great to hear from you!!

      The PTSD and disability do complicate things in your situation.

      But I think your overall method of handling this will be similar to normal.

      If you think he is being too harsh – you tell him later in private in a gentle whisper – “Thank you for your influence on our son. I’m SO glad he has you in his life and that you are so involved. I feel worried sometimes when I hear you yell at him. I worry that the words and volume might be too harsh. But I trust you to do what you believe is best in God’s sight for our little boy. I trust you to do the right thing.” And then leave it.

      If your husband is just being kind of harsh, but not abusing him physically or cussing at him or sinning against your son – I would try as much as possible to stand with your husband and say, “You heard Daddy, please pick up your toys.” “Please speak respectfully to Daddy.”

      Almost all moms think their husbands are too harsh with their children. But God gave children Daddys because children need both influences. And if it were up to moms, we’d have some seriously messed up kids! They need the harsher, stricter Daddy thing sometimes. Even though it is scary for mamas.

      But you can tell him you want him to be more calm or use a softer voice or something BRIEFLY and then express your faith in him to do what is right.

      What do you think? Any other issues or concerns?

      With much love, dear sister in Christ!

      • amberdover
        August 8, 2012 at 5:10 pm #

        Thank you so much for replying :). This helps a lot. Sometimes I remember to talk to him in a different room and sometimes I blurt things out. Today I goofed and had to apologize to both father and son. It wasn’t a parenting thing though. We did have a situation where my hubby was trying to help with school (I homeschool) and he told my son if he got up again then he’d fail him. I probably spoke up at the wrong time but I suggested he discipline him another way. I don’t do grades the regular way. Our son is 6 and doing second grade. He’s way ahead so if he “fails” a test that means we have to review that weeks material all over again. So far no fails and barely any B’s. The tests are just to see if he knows the material. Failing doesn’t really mean anything to him but taking away the tv would for sure etc.. I really should have said that to my hubby in private. I didn’t have a mean tone and the hubby was understanding. It just seems like this happens a lot. My hubby accidentally dishes out a punishment that punishes me too or is extreme. He usually admits he just did it in anger or without thinking. I’m sure talking to him in another room would be more respectful and I’ve done that before. But I also don’t want him to feel like he’s being reprimanded all the time. It’s hard to stay silent when it involves school though…..since my hubby is rarely around then to know how things run. I call him the principle lol. He generally doesn’t like to help with teaching etc…We have had “meetings” where I show him what I’m teaching but he tends to get bored quickly. On a positive note, my hubby reprimanded our son in a harsher tone than I’d like yesterday and today…and I didn’t say anything. That probably surprised our son. I don’t want him to think we’re ganging up on Daddy or that Daddy is the bad guy. God bless and love, Amber D.

        • peacefulwife
          August 8, 2012 at 9:35 pm #

          Amberdover,
          I am really proud of you for catching yourself and for apologizing to your husband AND your son. That is REALLY important so that your son begins to learn to respect his dad (and you!), too. Your son will model respect for God-given authority by your tone of voice, attitude, word choices and behavior to your husband. Scary, I know!
          I was so shocked when I started modeling respect that my children IMMEDIATELY began copying my tone of voice and words and attitude. Wow. Talk about accountability!
          I like the idea of talking to your husband in private. But I am proud of you for watching your tone of voice. I wonder if there is a signal you could agree on some time that would help him decide if he wanted to rethink a consequence? (you scratching your head and winking at him/smiling at him or something?)

          If you want to say something later to your hubby about that you thought he was too harsh – you could – if you do it very respectfully and only once. But letting it go is also fine. I’m proud of you for not undermining your husband’s authority those times. Great job!

          • amberdover
            August 8, 2012 at 10:09 pm #

            Thank you :) Yeah, I’m just learning. I have good and bad days. I appreciate the ideas. I’ve been catching myself a lot and it’s been a struggle. Sometimes I want to say “God, are you kidding me? Not right now….do I really have to do this?”. I know that sounds horrible. My Dad and Grandma used to fuss a lot (though they loved each other to pieces). I remember always hearing my Dad say to her “If you want respect you have to earn it”. I’m trying to let go of that mindset. Btw, my Dad isn’t alive anymore. I’m sure at the end of his life he would’ve changed things if he could. My grandma took care of him before I took over. So no dishonor to his memory :). Sometimes I think I expect too much of my hubby.

            Next up is finances. I made a comment about finances somewhere else on here I think. I asked my hubby if he thought he should do finances and he said he will try it out in September and see how it goes. I’m super nervous and I told him so…even told him my fears (apologizing for them as well). This is probably the scariest part of all this…..we will see what happens…..
            God bless and thanks for encouraging all of us fellow wives! ~Amber D.

  37. David Berg
    August 20, 2012 at 1:36 pm #

    Wow, if you never wrote another thing just this would be profound. Thank you for your honesty and transparancy. May God bless many through your ministry partnership with your husband.

    • peacefulwife
      August 20, 2012 at 5:10 pm #

      David,
      Thank you so much! I REALLY hate writing about the “before” – but I believe that God desires to bring glory to Himself through the miracles He did in my heart. I pray that many wives might find the path to God’s greatest blessings in marriage by reading about what He did for me.
      I appreciate your encouragement so much!

  38. David J.
    August 29, 2012 at 3:31 pm #

    God bless you. May your tribe increase. Too late for me and my wife. Her contempt for me grew to the point that she divorced me last year after 29 years and 4 kids. Now she is rushing into a new marriage, thinking that she will respect the new guy more because he is more externally spiritual (despite two previous divorces). I wish she had seen your blog before blowing up our family.

  39. peacefulwife
    August 29, 2012 at 4:15 pm #

    David J.,
    I am SO sorry!!!! My heart breaks for you and your family. One of the things I hear wives say so often is, “If I had a decent husband, I would respect him.” I completely disagree. Yes, husbands sin. Some worse than others. But our husbands’ sin only reveals what is in our heart – that I am controlled by my own sinful nature if I react with disrespect. And if I am disrespectful to my current husband, I will be disrespectful to any other husband – because that is what is in my soul. If I am filled with God’s Spirit and respect my husband now, then I would also respect another husband (if I were widowed and remarried). We as women have much to learn. I pray God might use me to reach many wives before they get to the point your wife did. Thank you for your comment. I hope to hear more from you.

  40. almarimom
    September 6, 2012 at 12:29 am #

    Hi Peaceful wife,
    I’ve read your blog a few times but just read your testimony. I wanted to say “thanks” for sharing your story. May I add please don’t apologize for sharing the “before”. I think to many Christians hide behind the “i’m perfect and I don’t sin mask” that hinders others from deliverance. Your transparency shows others that no matter how low you are God can dig way down and lift you up. He is no respector of persons. If more Christians would be transparent I believe more sinners would surrender their lives to Christ.
    It’s funny well not really God has a sense of humor. I’m newly divorced after 10 years of marriage. I was at the point of giving up my stand for a restored marriage. I have this very book you mentioned “Love and Respect”. Our story was very much like yours.

    I tried to read it when my husband first left our family and just couldn’t it was so painful. But that was 2 years ago. After reading your testimony and being in a better place spiritually I think I can read the book now and be better able to receive it. Thanks again!

    May you continue to allow God to use you for His glory. Blessings to you and your family,

    Almarimom

  41. justme143
    September 17, 2012 at 5:43 am #

    You have been nominated for an award… Please go here for details…

    http://lisalaliberte143.wordpress.com/2012/09/17/thanks-for-the-award/

    Congratulations!

  42. Lyn Leahz
    September 20, 2012 at 8:29 am #

    Hey, I apologize, I didn’t know where else to put these..but I came across some articles that you would really be interested in:

    http://lynleahz.com/2012/09/06/jesus-is-more-pleasurable-than-pornography/

    http://lynleahz.com/2012/09/06/better-to-marry-than-to-burn/

    http://lynleahz.com/2012/09/06/look-where-the-soul-goes-during-sex/

    They’re Christian articles on sex and marriage…I hope you enjoy them, and God bless you for all of the work you do for our heavenly Father! God bless you!

  43. joyfullysubmitted
    October 6, 2012 at 10:02 pm #

    There are so many things on this page alone that made my heart jump when read, so I will just copy and paste your own words and send them back to you from me…” I have a huge passion for marriage and want to share the things that I WISH I knew before I got married and when I was a newlywed 18 years ago. Of course, many times we have to learn things the hard way – but I hope that my experiences might help you learn more quickly than I did! We were committed to each other and to God. I had quiet times every day. We went to church every Sunday. We loved each other. We knew divorce wasn’t an option when things got tough. We never even would use the word with each other.I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE WELL EVEN THOUGH I HAD READ THE BIBLE AND THOUGHT I WAS OBEYING GOD .
    There were so many things about femininity, marriage, career, parenting and the roles of husbands and wives that I just accepted “as is” from our culture and never really questioned. I thought I WAS living as a biblical wife. I had read God’s instructions about marriage many times. I read “wives must respect their husbands.” (Ephesians 5:33) and assumed I was doing fine with that. …My husband tended to be quiet, calm, patient and reserved even before we married.” and it goes on…. and this was just the beginning :D thank you for your willingness to b transparent… this is what leaving a legacy of godliness for women looks loke :D

    • peacefulwife
      October 7, 2012 at 3:09 pm #

      That is SO neat! Thanks, joyfullysubmitted!

  44. Kristie
    October 24, 2012 at 11:45 am #

    Hi, April! I have been browsing your blog for a couple of months now without commiting to becoming a respectful and “peaceful” wife. I realized the first time I read from your website what my problem was but felt so overwhelmed and doubtful that I could change. Well, I think today is the day I commit to trusting God and His plan for my marriage. I love my husband so much and have for 22 years. We have gone through so much together including drug and alcohol addiction (mine) and infertility for 18 years. We now have 2 beautiful children, 3 & 4 years old only by God’s mercy and grace! My husband has been my rock but I have slowly been chiseling away at his support and empathy for all of these years. He now has a wall of protection up that has been very difficult to penetrate even in the best of times. He needs a “peaceful wife” as God intended. And, I need the peace and comfort that comes from that. We are both Christians and would not attempt to begin this process without the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Thank you for what you are doing. You are helping families stay together. Please pray for us as we learn to follow God’s wonderful plan for marriage as it should be.
    Thankfully,
    Kristie

  45. Daniel
    October 25, 2012 at 1:25 am #

    I grew up with what I have always believed to be a “unique” perspective of love and marriage – at least unique compared to what most of my male friends expressed. As a young boy, daydreaming of a white wedding seemed a bit different from what others were experiencing. One of the deepest longings I had from about the age of 6 was to meet my future wife then and spend the rest of our days on this Earth together . . . you know . . . happily ever after. The thought of more than one mate was not at all appealing to me. As it turns out, the path I ultimately chose was a bit different.

    I am now approaching my 7th anniversary with my second wife and I’m the proud father of three amazing children (one from my first marriage and two from my current). Unfortunately, talk of divorce is not uncommon in our marriage. I do not consider it an option (even though I left my first wife) and I learned in my first marriage not to even utter the word but my wife seems to think it is something to consider or at least threaten when times get tough.

    I would like to communicate clearly that I love my wife deeply. I am head over heels for her and count myself blessed to be her husband. I know God has forgiven me for the mistakes I made in my first marriage and I know I still have a lot of work to do. I do believe however that this issue of respect is a major stumbling block for us.

    I believe as a Christian it would be almost impossible to deny that most males and females in this country have absolutely no concept of what it means to be men and women much less what it means to love and respect one another. The theories for the demise of the western family are numerous, but I’m writing here to plead with any of you to please pray first and foremost for our family and secondly to help me deal with what I see as a total lack of respect from her.

    I know I am not supposed to try to change her, but I am so hurt by her actions and sometimes feel that I just cannot deal with the pain for one more moment.

    What can I do other than put God first, be thankful for what I have, and work on becoming the best husband I can be? Especially when I feel like my wife’s constant disrespect is stealing our peace and setting a dangerous example for our children.

    Any Biblical / Christian advice will be greatly appreciated!

    • peacefulwife
      October 25, 2012 at 6:41 am #

      Daniel,
      YOu are welcome to email my husband and me at aprilc@sc.rr.com or message me on my Peacefulwife Blog FB page. There are MANY, MANY husbands in your situation, and precious few resources available.

      My husband has several posts about this for men on his site, http://www.respectedhusband.wordpress.com.

      And I have several posts written by men for men on my site if you look under “For Husbands” category.

      But I will be glad to pray for y’all. We know several husbands working through this process right now. And I can email you the things that have been helpful for them.

      You will also find some resources on my FB page.

      Lord,
      I lift up Daniel and his wife and family to You. Thank You for Daniel’s desire to lead his wife and love her as Christ loves the church. Thank You for his desire to have a godly marriage. I pray that You might convict him of any thing he might be doing that is coming across unlovingly to his wife that You desire him to change. I pray for him to be able to lay down all his bitterness, anger, unforgiveness and pain at the foot of Your cross – so that You might fill him with Your Spirit and wisdom to lead and love this family well. He can see problems that need to be addressed. I pray You’ll give him wisdom to handle those things and to speak the truth IN LOVE at the right time and in the right way. Give him Your strength to be the godly man You desire him to be and let him seek to know and love You above all and to be completely yielded and submitted to You so that he might be able to lead well. Help his wife see that she can trust him and that she is safe. Help her to see any idols in her life, control, her husband, herself, her own will – and let her find conviction. Tear down every stronghold of Satan in this family and let this marriage be rebuilt on Your design. Let this husband and wife be known for their love and respect for one another and for his godly leadership and her joyful cooperation and support of his leadership. Let peace reign beautifully in this family.
      In the Name and power of Christ,
      Amen!

  46. whyilovetina
    December 12, 2012 at 8:37 am #

    A dude in my men’s group just suggested Love and Respect. Seeing two references in two days appears to be confirmation that maybe I should give it a shot. He suggested we read it as a couple. Also glad to see the link to your husband’s blog. Thanks!

    • peacefulwife
      December 12, 2012 at 1:46 pm #

      You are very welcome!

      Let me know what you think of the book!

  47. Nice guy :)
    December 15, 2012 at 5:16 pm #

    I came across your videos on youtube today. They are biblically correct and I was astonished to hear them come from a woman because that is so rare!

    I think women need to hear this coming from a woman because when I talk about these things, they seem to hate hearing it.

    Well done!

    I hope I can find someone who has the same opinions you do.

    • Nice guy :)
      December 15, 2012 at 5:18 pm #

      P.S. I will need to show this to some friends. You really hit the nail on the head.

      May God bless you in your work. :)

      • peacefulwife
        December 15, 2012 at 5:31 pm #

        Nice Guy,
        I appreciate your encouragement! It is my whole-hearted desire to honor God and His Word and not to do anything that is not in line with scripture.

        The women of our generation have been so blinded and robbed of what is truly good about femininity and marriage. I pray that God might use me to be a Titus 2:2-5 wife to teach younger wives what is good.

        I have a blog for single women, too – I desire to see young CHristian women learn this stuff BEFORE they get married! How I WISH I understood this stuff 18 years ago! http://www.peacefulsinglegirl.wordpress.com

    • peacefulwife
      December 15, 2012 at 8:02 pm #

      PS-
      I agree that women need to hear these things from wives who have been “in the trenches” and who can attest to the joy and peace of doing things God’s way and walking in obedience to Him. You’re right , it is extremely difficult for women to hear these truths from men. Even hearing about respect and submission from another woman can cause many women today to react in extreme anger. But it is the path to intimacy in marriage and intimacy with God. I NEVER want to go back to my old ways!!

  48. Nice guy :)
    December 17, 2012 at 7:01 pm #

    Amen to that! It takes a spiritual woman in my opinion to submit herself, it can’t be easy especially if your husband isn’t smart etc. You can still advise him etc but always must allow his to have his place as head. I wish your content was more widely known. I for one will be telling some people I know about your videos and blog.

    I for one appreciate what your doing because this is my fear when entering into a marriage!

    • peacefulwife
      December 17, 2012 at 8:54 pm #

      Nice Guy,
      All husbands are wretched sinners – so that does make it REALLY terrifying sometimes to submit to them! The key is to realize that I am submitting to Christ, not my husband – ultimately. To completely trust a human man without knowing the sovereignty of God is behind his authority is spiritual and emotional suicide. The real question I had to answer for myself was whether God was truly big enough and sovereign “enough” to lead me through my sinful man. I think that is the ultimate test of every Christian wife’s faith. And thankfully – YES! He IS big enough to do that!

      Of course, all wives are also wretched sinners – and most have quite a tendency to want to control things themselves – out of fear, extreme pride (thinking we are “right” about every single issue) and many times idolatry and ungodly programming growing up. I think that your concern is valid -particularly in our culture. There is a famine of respect for all God-given authority in our culture – and even women who WANT to learn to respect and submit have precious few examples – and most have no idea what respect actually means to a man. It is like learning a foreign language if a woman didn’t grow up watching a godly example every day.

      Thank you for your support! I pray that God might use me however He wants to. If Satan could use a handful of very vocal women to destroy our culture and our definitions of femininity, masculinity, marriage, family, motherhood, fatherhood and the God-given authority structure for the church and home – I believe God is perfectly capable of raising up some godly women and men in this generation to tear down the strongholds of the enemy and to rebuild on His truth and restore His design for Christianity and the family to His people. I am willing. I pray He might use me however He sees fit!

      I pray that God might send a godly believer to you who has begun to grasp the basic tenets of respect and submission – and that you might have a marriage one day that brings great glory to God if that is His will!

  49. Robin
    December 19, 2012 at 8:08 am #

    Please email new blog posts

    • peacefulwife
      December 19, 2012 at 4:01 pm #

      Robin, Welcome. If you hit the red button on the right under my picture you can enter your email information and an email will be sent with each new post. Also, if you are on Facebook I have a great Peacefulwife page where we discuss a lot of topics from the site as well as some small ones that don’t make it to a blog post. There is a link on the right a little further down for that as well.

      Thanks.

  50. sophia208
    December 20, 2012 at 5:32 pm #

    Hi April
    Just to say I am truly blown away reading your blog. I dont usually read blogs, am not on facebook so I really think finding you was from God. I am going through a difficult time right now in my marriage.I am a private person and have felt so so lonely, even writing this and thinking others will read it is hard. Thank you thank you for sharing your story, for studying Gods word, for writing for encouraging thank you so much.

  51. Baker's Piece
    January 2, 2013 at 4:47 pm #

    April, thank you so much for your honesty and willingness to share your heart through all of this. I have recently been told by my husband how controlling I have been and condescending, and well, you know the rest. I have felt exactly as you have written in the early stages of wanting to do anything and everything to “fix” it and fix it NOW. However, I know that time and seeking God and being “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry…” are the tools that will get us there. Thank you for the encouragement and hope that change is not only possible, but can’t help but happen when we put God first, then our husbands, etc. Blessings!

    • peacefulwife
      January 2, 2013 at 6:03 pm #

      Baker’s Piece,
      With a humble, teachable, contrite attitude like that – I know God has incredible things in store for you and your marriage!

      But you are right – it does take time. I WISH there were a switch you could flip and be the totally godly wife all the time – but nope – there is no such thing.

      Putting God first seems so easy – but it is VERY easy to put other things first and not even realize it!

      The first phase, after you see your sin and begin to try to learn and grow is usually “the quiet phase” Here’s a link to my post about that: The Frustrating Quiet Phase

  52. Candace McCallister
    February 8, 2013 at 1:04 pm #

    You visited my blog many months ago, so I decided to look at yours. I feel certain that the Lord led me to your blog and resources. My husband and I had been struggling with the exact issues that you describe. It felt like it would just always be that way. But, praise the Lord, it isn’t any more! Such simple and small changes have made a big difference in our marriage. I have even been able to share about this transformation with a few dear friends experiencing similar struggles. Now, I am helping to mentor two younger women in being more surrendered and peaceful wives. Thank you, thank you for speaking out such a truthful and encouraging message. My God continue to bless the work you do!

  53. Maria
    February 26, 2013 at 5:44 am #

    Hi!

    Thank you for this wonderful resource. I am engaged to a truly good man and we are getting married this June. We both want him to be head of the household. We both feel best that way. Just like you describe.

    But. I am struggling with something. I guess it is normal in the beginning. I want to obey him and feel good and feminine doing so. And also love seeing how good it makes him feel. However, at times I want to feel that he can and will take me in hand if necessary. That there is no contest. But at the same time, I do not want to disrespect him to get that feeling. Any advice you might want to give is appreciated.

    Thanks again for this resource.

    • peacefulwife
      February 26, 2013 at 8:07 am #

      Maria,

      It’s wonderful to meet you!

      Keep in mind that you do need to share your heart with him, your feelings, your ideas and your desires – but do so respectfully. And then if you don’t agree, he gets to make the final decision because he is accountable to God as the leader – unless he asks you to sin! Then you must resist him.

      You want him to be stern with you if you get a bad attitude, you mean?

      There is a wife who wrote about that in this post respect and sexual attraction

      I am actually thankful when my husband is firm with me if I am out of line – but that is not his usual style. Some of that is a personality thing. My husband doesn’t usually get very stern. It is actually a lot harder to honor the leadership of a man who is controlling and very stern/strict than a calm, patient, more quiet man. My husband never raises his voice.

      So I have to discipline myself to cooperate with my husband out of respect and love for God. My submission and respect are gifts I give to my husband out of my obedience to God. So I have to hold myself accountable and know that if I speak my heart and my husband decides to do something else, it is my duty before God to cooperate with my husband’s leadership. I will answer to God for that one day. If I realize that my husband suddenly seems upset with me, I will ask him if I came across disrespectfully, and if I did, then I repent and apologize.

      Ultimately – YOU are responsible for your own behavior, actions, obedience to God, sin, thoughts and words. It is tempting to want to let our husbands hold all of that weight – but that would not be fair. You can thank him when he does work up the courage to confront you about disrespectful behavior or sin in your life. You can be open to listen when he has constructive criticism and not attack him or defend yourself, but truly listen to see if there is something God might want you to change.

      God gives him the position of spiritual authority in the marriage (I Corinthians 11:3, Ephesians 5:22-33, Titus 2:2-5, Genesis 3). God will hold him accountable for his leadership. You cannot take his leadership away. You can try to control him – but it will just create a BIG MESS. Either he will respond with stonewalling or with anger. And you will miss out on intimacy.

      Ideally, you will understand that God clearly gave your man the leadership position and you will respect God’s authority to assign the husband as the head of the home.

      Does that help?

  54. David J.
    February 28, 2013 at 4:35 pm #

    April: Just read this comment in an article by Mark Sheerin titled “Why I Left World Vision for Finance,” by Mark Sheerin: “Jesus did not come to call the truly faithful to the mission field, the less faithful to the pastorate, and the barely faithful to finance.” (For “finance,” we could substitute law, engineering, or any other occupation a Christian husband has.) Unfortunately, too many churches and Christian speakers are good at conveying the opposite message, especially to young people. (They don’t usually say it that explicitly; instead, they tout ministry positions as “special,” “the highest calling,” etc.)

    Do you see much evidence that Christian wives’ disrespect for their husbands is influenced by the false message that men in “sacred” occupations are more spiritual than men in “secular” occupations? One reason I ask is that I think this bad thinking played a role in my own marriage and divorce. She went to our Christian college expecting to marry a preacher, but she fell in love with me (a pre-law student) instead. We laughed when her father (a wannabe lay preacher) and others jabbed (only half-jokingly, or less) about the difference (“did you say ‘lawyer’ or ‘liar’?”, etc.). But eventually it became a genuine issue — I wasn’t spiritual enough, in a million different ways. The capper is that the man she remarried after our divorce is, like her father, a wannabe lay pastor who at least claims to have aspirations of doing various types of “ministry” work from his rural cattle farm. So, part of his attraction for her was — explicitly — that he is more spiritual than I.

    Perhaps I’m personalizing too much, but I wondered if in fact this was a wider problem. And I figured you’d likely have enough exposure to enough Christian wives to have a sense of its validity or not. Thanks.

    • peacefulwife
      February 28, 2013 at 9:52 pm #

      David,
      I think this is definitely a big issue. THen all the expectations we women have of our men as “spiritual leaders” that are not really even from the Bible – but we judge them on these specific behaviors and if they don’t do what we expect, we label them unspiritual. And then, of course, if there is sin, we really can’t respect that – and it makes many women think they are totally justified not to respect at all if they see sin in their husbands. That is not biblical. We don’t have to respect sin. But we act like if there is sin, we are free from God’s commands to respect our husbands. There are so many issues here. But absolutely, I believe the issue you brought up can be a big one in many cases. Thanks!!! How is your daughter? How are you?

      • David J.
        March 1, 2013 at 1:04 am #

        Yes, seeing those clay feet can be a crisis — probably the crisis that opens the floodgates on the repressed anxiety about not having married a preacher in the first place.

        My daughter is ok. She has found that her new school is not the idyllic environment her mother described — there are actually some kids there who aren’t angels (seemingly a much higher percentage of teen pregnancies, for one thing) and who don’t treat her well — but it’s not an unadulterated disaster, either, because she can make friends and find people she likes wherever she goes. She has ongoing battles with her step-father; she resents him generally and easily takes offense at him for even the smallest things. (So far I think I’ve successfully kept to the high road when she complains.) Her BP has not been a problem, thankfully. We have had two monthly visits so far. The January visit was easy because it was only about 3 weeks after she moved away and her mother brought her all the way here because of some local doctor appointments. Our February visit was harder to take because it was 5 weeks in between (and it will be another 4 weeks before the next visit), and it was the first time I’ve had to drive to the halfway point (6+ hours round trip) to pick her up Thursday evening and again to drop her off Sunday evening. The last hour or so of the first leg of the drop-off trip was difficult as we both knew that good-bye time was approaching. She became a little weepy and questioned whether she even wanted to go back. Making the 3-hour return trip alone was both painful and anger-inducing. On the positive side, we talk every day, usually via FaceTime so that we can see each other, and having video rather than just voice makes a huge difference. I’m able to stay as involved as possible under the circumstances, and we pick right up where we left off when she’s visiting.

        As for me, I frequently struggle with anger toward my ex for creating the overall situation (the divorce) in the first place and then for worsening it and making it irrevocable (the remarriage and relocation). Much of the time, the trigger will be associated with my daughter, but it can also be a financial issue, a visit with one of the college boys, the need to coordinate any of the kids’ holiday schedules, or any of a million things. I’ve begun a second round of DivorceCare classes (2 weekly meetings so far) in hopes that will help (again). My productivity is up overall compared to the doldrums of December and January (the month before and the month after the move), but it’s still inconsistent and not where it needs to be. So, as always, prayers appreciated. Keep up your good work.

  55. Cristie
    March 10, 2013 at 4:19 pm #

    My husband told me about this blog & I (sadly & with too much pride) did not take his advice to subscribe & read it. I like you felt I was a Christian & didn’t realize just how spiritually immature I was until TODAY! I made my decision to re-dedicate my life to Christ & to be a more godly wife. I realize now that I FAILED not only God but my husband in horrible hurtful ways. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who learned lessons the hard way. I’m so grateful that God not only spoke to me today, but I’m even more grateful that I answered His call. Thank you for your testimony. :)

    • peacefulwife
      March 11, 2013 at 10:44 am #

      Cristie,

      WOOHOOO!
      I praise God with you! It is a shocking and very painful realization to see the sin in our own lives if we have been blind to it for years. That is how I felt! I wanted to go live in a cave and never talk to anyone else again. :)

      But our God is SO POWERFUL and ABLE. He can transform our hearts and renew our minds. He can work in us to make us the godly wives of His dreams. He can heal our broken marriages and our wounded husbands and our wounded hearts,too. And He can even make something exquisitely beautiful from the mess we have made.

      I cannot wait to see what God has in store for you in your walk with Christ and your marriage! Please let me know if you need anything! aprilc@sc.rr.com

  56. Katie E.
    March 13, 2013 at 12:22 pm #

    What a powerful testimony. I’ve been married for a short while, approximately 1.5 years right now, and I am just coming off a trend of not giving my husband the respect he needs.

    I am the main breadwinner in our home while my husband is earning a degree and cares for our child much of the time. I have learned to truly respect how loving and strong of a father he is and love how he aims to be a good man in the world. I used to criticize how he spent his time when I was at work, and now that I have given him respect he actually is more productive and more loving toward me.

    It can only get better from here, when you start from a place of love and respect. I look forward to reading your posts in the future.

    God Bless, Katie

    • peacefulwife
      March 13, 2013 at 12:50 pm #

      Katie,
      I’m so glad to meet you!

      I’m REALLY glad that you are learning this stuff already, especially if you are the main breadwinner – it is even more important to focus on respect and biblical submission in that case!

      Let me know if you have any questions – I’ll do my best to point you to Christ and God’s Word!

  57. Allie
    April 4, 2013 at 3:45 am #

    Peacefulwife,

    I only recently found your blog, but I can’t seem to get enough! I have really been enjoying reading the information you and your husband provide. I am curious if there is a way to contact you privately? I have a few questions and I don’t necessarily feel comfortable asking them publicly. Thank you for your time and please keep writing!

  58. theJenWeaver
    May 7, 2013 at 7:15 pm #

    I appreciate the transparency of your testimony, thanks so much for sharing!

    • peacefulwife
      May 7, 2013 at 7:49 pm #

      theJenWeaver,
      You’re very welcome. I’m thankful and humbled that God might use me. :)

  59. Very sad
    May 18, 2013 at 4:25 pm #

    Is there a way I can send you an email?
    I have a hard time writing some stuff on the blog.
    Thanks

  60. Hope Blooms in Darkness
    May 20, 2013 at 6:26 am #

    I’m sure you’ve had lots of them but I’m nominating you for the super sweet blogging award – I have already learnt so much from your blog. Thank you!

    • peacefulwife
      May 20, 2013 at 7:37 am #

      Thanks, Hope Blooms in Darkness! I am so grateful you have found encouragement!

  61. Law
    May 31, 2013 at 11:35 am #

    You hit the nail on the head! To be a peaceful wife or husband, you need to understand that God didn’t make a mistake when he decreed what he did in Genesis.

    I know it’s hard for most male-bashing women to do but it’s the truth. I have spoken with loads of women who throw away the bible based on what they read in Genesis. The trouble is, these women very rarely only ever jeopardize their lives alone. Some other human being’s existence is almost always involved.

    YES!!! MOST MEN ARE WRETCHED! JUST AS MOST WOMEN THRIVE ON MISERY!!!
    When your spouse worships misery, it’s only a matter of time that you start entertaining “wretched” thoughts.

    Until such women openly admit this and stop trying to CON the world that they don’t thrive on misery, the state of the home will ALWAYS be in despair.

    Men and Women are to compliment one-another in any relationship. We ARE EQUAL in Gods’ eyes but we are VERY DIFFERENT in features and functions.

    The concept of MAN and WOMAN are like two shoes, you have to have a Right Foot and a Left Foot to truly get the benefit of wearing shoes.

    Yes, you can wear your shoes any way you like, however, your feet will soon feel the pain.

    If there was no need for this, then Adam and Steve (or Madam and Eve) could have made an equally good beginning as Adam and Eve.

    The problem with the current excuse we call society is that it thinks to be miserable together is the best solution as opposed to learn to grow out of misery, with the help of your faith in God.

    I find myself desperate to congratulate any couple who have WRESTLED themselves individually to get to this point.

    It’s reassuring to read blogs from women who get it and understand that your partner is your team mate. You can’t keep expecting them to ignore your quirks if you don’t ignore theirs.

    • peacefulwife
      May 31, 2013 at 11:55 am #

      Law,

      God’s wisdom and His design brings the greatest joy, fulfillment, sense of purpose, unity, strength, power, peace and miracles!

      How I long for God’s people to embrace His ways and be healed.

      Thank you for your comment.

  62. Becky
    July 2, 2013 at 7:25 pm #

    Hello~
    Is this email I found above still current? ( aprilc@sc.rr.com ) I am wanting to email you sometime about a private matter concerning my situation.
    ~Thanks

    • peacefulwife
      July 2, 2013 at 7:45 pm #

      Becky,

      Yes, you may reach me at that email address. :)

  63. songsofintimacy
    July 8, 2013 at 11:12 pm #

    I nominated you for the Shine On Award! Keep shining!!! Your words are what this generation so desperately *needs*. Thank you for helping me on this journey when I first started. God bless.

    https://songsofintimacy.wordpress.com/2013/07/08/the-%e2%98%86shine-on%e2%98%86-award/

    • peacefulwife
      July 9, 2013 at 6:52 am #

      Thank you, Songsofintimacy! :) What an answer to prayer to hear that God used me to help you. I appreciate the encouragement.

  64. Maarja
    July 25, 2013 at 4:29 am #

    April,

    thank you so much for this blog! I stumbled upon it just last week and have been reading your posts ever since.

    I have been married almost for a year now and dealing with all the issues you talk about myself. For some time I have regretted the fact I do not have any experienced christian wives to turn to who could teach me to be a good wife to my husband as the Bible encourages us to do.

    Reading your testimony I was amazed to discover how much I am like you. I have an identical twin sister myself, I have always been a straight-A-student, top of my class in the university, always self-sufficient and reliable, becoming a teacher and attending church since I was ten.

    Naturally, all the traits of my personality and habits from maiden life came with me to my marriage. I did not intend to disrespect or overrule my husband but I did it anyway for I never knew a better way. I have always made more money than him, and being very responsible with those matters (as he generously admits) I felt obligated to keep my eye on (read: have control over) our finances. I tended to remind him things when I thought he was about to forget something important. I never told him to spend time with me or skip his activities but often cried and pouted when he went out anyway knowing I did not want him to go. And so on. Needless to say what a burden it was on my shoulders.

    I never understood his angry reactions to some of my comments or questions that seemed absolutely innocent to me. And it seemed to me he never understood my desire to be number one in his life after God. He always told I was but it was difficult for me to believe it for his actions spoke differently to me. Falling pregnant with our son right after we got married did not help things along, so our first year has been quite rocky.

    I had been reading a lot about marriage and shared my thoughts with my husband, too. Fortunately he is eager to make a change for the better. But I had done it with wrong purpose and attitude – I always thought he was wrong and I wanted to change him. You can guess if it was successful or not.

    Only when I started to read your blog did I see how mistaken I have been trying to lead him instead of him leading me. Though he might not be as educated as me and only a young christian, he is entitled to do that for God has made it that way. I am the luckiest girl on earth to have a husband who loves God more than he loves me.

    Now that I am beginning to understand what it means to respect my husband and to be a submissive and godly wife and started to act accordingly, I have seen such a difference in our lives. The biggest change has taken place in my own heart as I trust my husband and also God so much more. I also shared my thoughts with my husband and apologized to him for disrespecting him for so long. Surprisingly I have seen changes in his behavior, too. He has been more caring of my feelings and thoughts recently and really making an effort to love and please me. What a joy for both of us!

    So thank you again so much for this honest blog of yours! It has been such a blessing for me already, though I have only read a few of the entries. I am glad I have finally found a godly wife to learn from even if she is on the other side of the world.

    May God bless you and your family abundantly!

    Maarja,
    Tallinn, Estonia

    • peacefulwife
      July 25, 2013 at 7:57 am #

      Maarja,

      What a blessing you are! Thank you so much for sharing your story!
      I thank and praise God for what He is doing in you. SO BEAUTIFUL!

      I wonder if you might allow me to share your story (I can share it anonymously if you prefer) as a post when the Respect Dare is over in a few weeks?

      I can’t wait to see what God has planned for you!!!!!!

      Much love, my precious sister in Christ!

  65. Maarja
    July 25, 2013 at 12:40 pm #

    April,

    Thank you for your kind words!

    I ran it by my husband (being a respectful wife now :) ) and it is fine by us if you shared my testimony with wider audience. No anonymy

    • peacefulwife
      July 25, 2013 at 12:50 pm #

      What a smart girl you are! :)

      Thank you, Maarja! :)

  66. Maarja
    July 25, 2013 at 12:45 pm #

    April,

    I find it hard to nurse and type on a smartphone at the same time. Wrong button, sorry.
    As I was about to say: No anonymity necessary, you can use my story as it is.
    Hope it will bless others, too.

    Maarja

  67. FocusOnWhatMatters
    August 30, 2013 at 1:00 am #

    Your blog shares a strong introspective for people looking to improve the quality of their intimate relationships. I found it quite useful.

    I do take offense though that a ‘feminism’ is somehow bad. ‘Feminists’ have enabled women today to have equal opportunity to earn an education, to express our views, to own property, to vote, to work as well as many other rights and privileges that were one the sole domain of men.

    Your blog provides guidance for how women and men need to be personally accountable for their behaviours and actions and consider their impact on others. I believe that this is the point to make, not one that suggests ‘feminism’ is bad.

    • peacefulwife
      August 30, 2013 at 7:49 am #

      FocusOnWhatMatters,
      Thank you for your comment!

      The feminist movement did help to right some major wrongs in the workplace for women.

      Unfortunately, the roots of historical feminism are grounded in anti-God, anti-Bible, anti-marriage, anti-children messages. The women who were the outspoken movers and shakers of feminism about a century ago declared that marriage is oppression. Bearing children and being a mother is oppression. Children are a burden. Abortion is liberation. The Bible is not true. God’s design for marriage is not good. God can be whoever you want “her” to be.

      These are the messages of feminism to which I am referring as being negative.

      But my blog is not primarily about feminism at all – but rather God’s glorious design for women, wives and marriage.

      • Betsy
        April 24, 2014 at 3:31 pm #

        I think your ideas about what Feminism is seem limited. I really found your post about martyr complexes very helpful, but I am disappointed to see such an antiquated, chauvinistic viewpoint in your other writings. How awful to live in a world where the scope of my life is dictated solely by my gender, rather than my intelligence, talents and skills? Why do you believe that men should always lead? I firmly disagree. I believe that this is very confining and damaging to women. And quite frankly, historically speaking, male leadership has proven to be incredibly damaging to women and the world.

        “…when women gain control over spending, less family money is devoted to instant gratification and more for education and starting small businesses.”
        ― Sheryl WuDunn, Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide

        “Women aged fifteen through forty-four are more likely to be maimed or die from male violence than from cancer, malaria, traffic accidents, and war combined.”
        ― Nicholas D. Kristof, Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide

        “It appears that more girls have been killed in the last fifty years, precisely because they were girls, than men were killed in all the wars of the twentieth century. More girls are killed in this routine “gendercide” in any one decade than people were slaughtered in all the genocides of the twentieth century.”
        ― Nicholas D. Kristof, Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide

        • peacefulwife
          April 25, 2014 at 8:01 am #

          Betsy,

          It’s a pleasure to meet you! Thanks for sharing your concerns.

          My purpose here is to fulfill Titus 2:3-5, to train women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled, to be pure, to be busy at home, to honor their husbands so that the gospel of Christ might not be maligned.

          All people are sinners – so if people are not obeying God and submitted to Christ Jesus – they are plenty capable of doing horrific evil to each other – men and women.

          For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

          We are ALL in desperate need of the blood of Christ and His Lordship in our lives to make us right with God -something we cannot earn or do on our own. And we are all in desperate need of God’s power in our lives to help us live in right relationship with other people.

          God’s wisdom is much higher than our own.

          Living in obedience to God’s Word brings freedom, peace and joy, not oppression. I DO get to bring all of my intelligence, talents and skills to my marriage and every aspect of my life. But I am fully submitted to Christ as Lord.

          You are welcome to disagree with Scripture. That is where my stance comes from. You will answer to God for that – not to me.
          What is your relationship with Christ?

          You will notice below that God calls husbands to love their wives with a selfless, sacrificial, Christlike love and to nurture their wives as their own bodies. I do not know any wife who doesn’t agree with God’s commands to husbands! His commands to wives are equally wise and bring energy, life, unity and greater intimacy to marriage.

          I did marriage my own way for over 14 years – took on the leadership position and took charge, did what I thought was best… I ended up completely frustrated, exhausted, lonely, resentful and bitter. I was miserable. And my husband was miserable. He unplugged and became very passive.

          Since we have been obeying God’s Word – our marriage has become vibrant, alive, intimate and beautiful – we BOTH feel we have the marriage of our dreams now. My husband is very involved again and iso extremely kind, selfless, generous, loving, devoted and is growing to be such a godly leader.

          I experience the peace and joy of God all day every day. It is my prayer for all married couples to get to experience the power and love of Christ for themselves in their individual lives and also to experience His healing in their marriages that He might be greatly glorified.

          I Corinthians 11:3
          But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man,[a] and the head of Christ is God.

          Ephesians 5:22-33
          22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

          25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

  68. Wanda Rodgers
    August 31, 2013 at 3:40 pm #

    I am so thankful that I simply stumbled on this blog site. I have felt led by the spirit for the past year to do a personal study on Grace and Submission and have been amazed at what I have learned through this journey. I too am a very strong, independent woman who loves the Lord deeply. I am so hungry for the deep and I became so involved in the trappings that years went by before I realized I was pushing the most precious area in the background while I was becoming more involved in the “church” thing. I had lost my balance and perspective. Maturity in Christ when we ask the Holy Spirit to give us clarity and show us ourselves is a much needed daily lesson the same as re-examination. My husband loves the Lord but was not raised in the evangelical atmosphere as I was but what I am learning is that in order for God to use me to the capacity that he ha predestined me for, I must walk in his Word and his commands and trust that even when I don’t like what I see or hear, I know he only wants the best for me. So I am seeing so much of myself in your blog as well as the desire to be that Godly wife that is truly “one” with her husband before Christ. I thought that was what I was, but see more clearly that indeed, I was trying to tell God my “religious” desires rather than asking God for his heart desires to flow within me. I am thankful that I do have a strong marriage, and I am learning that comfort zones aren’t meant to be the standard – to step out on faith and trust and that means to trust my husband more in the areas that I have indeed tried to control or thought I knew better. I know God’s Word works………….he has shown me more than I care to admit but he has shown me with love and compassion and yes, his GRACE.

    • peacefulwife
      August 31, 2013 at 10:11 pm #

      Wanda,

      It is a pleasure to meet you!!!

      I am thrilled about what God is doing in your heart and in your marriage. He is SO VERY GOOD! We all desperately need His amazing grace. :)

      I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for you!

      Much love my precious sister!

  69. hodgepodge4thesoul
    September 14, 2013 at 6:31 pm #

    I don’t know if anyone has told you lately, so I’ll tell you – you’re very anointed; and your love for OUR SAVIOR comes through with every word!

    With the marital problems, myself, this site is just what I needed to stumble upon. But nothing like this happens by accident.

    Thank you for being a willing vessel to share what the LORD has taught you.

    Blessings,
    Dulcinea

    • peacefulwife
      September 14, 2013 at 8:11 pm #

      hodgepodgeforthesoul,

      That is an answer to my prayers! I pray daily that I might write only God’s Words and His message and that His Spirit might speak to each person who reads my blogs. I pray for His glory alone!

      I’m so glad to meet you. I believe you are here by divine appointment. :)

      YOu are welcome. I have to share the riches He has allowed me to taste. I can’t keep this amazing news to myself. My sisters in Christ need to hear these things. :)

      Much love to you!

  70. heathfamily7
    September 24, 2013 at 11:05 pm #

    I just found your blog through the 31 days to a better marriage series. As I read this page, I could see myself! Thank you so much for sharing. I’m definitely subscribing!
    Tara H

    • peacefulwife
      September 25, 2013 at 6:01 am #

      Heathfamily7,
      Great to meet you!

      You are very welcome. :)

  71. Juli vrotney
    September 29, 2013 at 6:17 am #

    I need this….my marriage is rocky at best. Please pray for me…there is disrespect on both sides. Thank you

    • peacefulwife
      September 29, 2013 at 6:36 am #

      Lord,
      I lift up Juli and her husband to You. I pray that You might help her to find the path You have for her, that she might learn to embrace Your design for marriage and desire to become the godly woman and wife of YOUR dreams. I pray You might work in her husband’s heart as well. Help her to trust You and be willing to obey You even when she doesn’t understand. Bring great glory to Yourself in her marriage, Lord!

      In the Name and power of Christ.
      Amen! :)

      Much love to you, Juli!

  72. Eva Cornejo
    October 4, 2013 at 5:15 pm #

    I’m so glad I found your blog! I’m a divorced single mom with a dominant personality so I, like you, was used to taking charge. I’ve been dating a man, committed to Christ, who would tell me I wasn’t respecting him. I thought that I was, but reading the Bible, prayer, and a little research showed me that I was all wrong. And your blog kinda puts it all together so thank you for sharing your story. The man I’m dating is a good man, and I know I need to let go of my pride in order to show him I can someday be a good wife. Or a “peaceful wife.” :)

    • peacefulwife
      October 4, 2013 at 9:51 pm #

      Eva,

      I am so excited about what God is doing in your heart. What a blessing to have a man who is actually telling you what is wrong. That is a BIG help! Please keep me posted. Let me know if you want to talk about anything. :)

  73. Jerri
    October 22, 2013 at 1:05 pm #

    I am grateful to have found your blog. I was especially shocked to see my SELF in your post about making your husband the big breakfast. Eye opening.

    Can you tell me some practical ways on how to get started? I bought Love & Respect and will start reading that tonight. Thanks.

    • peacefulwife
      October 22, 2013 at 1:53 pm #

      Jerri,

      It is great to meet you! :)

      Yes… many of the posts at the top of my home page are very good places to start. Love and Respect was what God used to show me my sin. Excellent book! But I needed so much more detail about what respect and disrespect are and examples of respect. That is why I have the lists about what husbands say is disrespectful to them. The post at the top of my home page about respect has a link to another post where husbands share what is respectful to them.

      If you are a believer in Christ, you will want to read the Biblical Submission post.

      Tomorrow I have a post coming out with my notes from a class I took this fall about spiritual authority and how all God-given spiritual authority works in all arenas of life. Very good foundational stuff.

      There is MUCH to learn. It is tempting to try to eat the whole elephant all at once. But it takes time to really absorb these new ideas and truths and to get rid of the lies we have embraced from our culture and learn how different our men are from us and learn to be the godly women God desires us to be.

      I’m right here whenever you want to talk or if you get stuck or have questions. I will do my best to point you to Christ and His Word. :)

      I can’t wait to see what God is about to do in your life! :)

      • Jerri
        October 22, 2013 at 2:01 pm #

        Great to meet you, too. I am very excited and yes, I am a believer in Christ, although I am just really starting to pursue him. I feel him drawing me near, and i am trying to draw near to him, too. I have made my husband and my marriage my God, and it is time for me to put God first. My way has not worked. Surprising, huh? Thank you for the direction and answering my questions.

        • peacefulwife
          October 22, 2013 at 2:16 pm #

          Jerri,

          I am glad to do anything I can to encourage you, pray for you and walk beside you on this road. :) I’m THRILLED that you are ready to tear down these idols and pursue Christ with all your heart. It is painful at first. Dying to self always is. But it is SO VERY WORTH IT! Soon, you will learn to find all of your identity, purpose, peace, joy, contentment and satisfaction in Christ alone. He is MORE than enough! And He is worthy of your ALL. Living with Him as LORD of everything is the path to peace and joy. There will be difficult times and suffering – but God will use it all to make you more and more like Jesus. :)

  74. Sarah
    October 29, 2013 at 9:55 am #

    Hi, I am so glad to have found your blog. I really need your advice on my marriage because I just feel hopeless right now. First I will tell you a little about my husband and I.

    My husband is an only child from parents that were drug and alcohol addicts during his childhood. He was abused and neglected and obviously they were not Christians. He is very submissive, laid back, and calm and hates conflict with me, even small arguments can throw him into a funk that lasts weeks where he will not have sex with me.

    I came from a divorced family with a disengaged mom who married again. My stepfather routinely mentally abused me and occasionally beat me. My childhood was one of constant fear. My bio father was also an alcoholic who was mentally ill possibly from the constant alcohol. I was also sexually abused in a daycare I went to by some older boys. When my mother found out she said that all kids do that sort of stuff and kept me there. My mother was and still is totally disrespectful to men and her husband, as is all my extended family of 5 aunts who all have had several marriages. Non of my family are Christians, but several of my cousins are now and my sister and I have both given our lives to Christ.

    I mention these things so maybe you can see the walls both my husband and I built up and brought into our relationship.

    We met when I was 19 and he was 23. We fell in love and married when I was 21. He had two children from a previous marriage and I had a daughter who was 3 at the time of our marriage from a highschool relationship. From the first we went at our marriage wrong, or I should say I did. I was very dominant and bossy. My husbands laid back style drove me crazy. Especially when dealing with his ex wife who was abusive to her children and anytime my husband tried to discuss it with her she went nuclear. In the end he let his ex wifes husband adopt his two sons thinking it would make their lives better because she was so horrible to them whenever they would come over to us. This threw him into a terrible depression where he checked out of our marriage for years and denied me sex allot. Over the next few years we had three children. Our marriage however was a wreck due to job problems, lack of money, my husbands depression, and my reaction to it all including exhaustion from the babies.

    I was constantly disrespectful to him and tried to control his actions after he repeatedly made bad financle decisions that really made our life difficult. In turn he ignored me, denied me sex to where we would only do it once a month or so, and intentionally ignored things like birthdays, anniversaries, and other romantic holidays. He has told me he did this. He is also not a leader in our home and has a hard time parenting our children or disciplining them due to fear that he would loose control and hurt them like his dad did to him.

    For many years I felt completely unloved, ugly, and unworthy. All things I felt as a child never once having experienced the love of a father. I reacted with more disrespect and anger which of course made him check out even more. We were on the Crazy Cycle! I have been a stay at home mom much of this time and we have always struggled to make ends meet which has put more stress into our marriage. For all that I know what I am doing is right because I was raised in daycare and would never do that to my children. I would rather be poor than have them exposed to the things I was. I have worked babysitting, night jobs, and even started a successful blog to help our finances.

    We both became Christians about 7 years ago, I would like to say our marriage got better but unfortunately we were so stuck into the Crazy Cycle that it didn’t help much. I also still had major problems with disrespect. I realize now that I just don’t know how to respect my husband at all! I never once saw it as a child and our culture certainly doesn’t show it. I also have anger issues, looking back probably to do with my childhood.

    My husband isn’t a bad guy, he loves our kids and plays with them and enjoys them. He goes to work every day and even though he doesn’t make much he works incredibly hard. He still loves me I believe (which is a miracle in itself since I have been so horrible) and is faithful to me. I also have been faithful to him. He does not look at porn by the way. I always keep track of that and am not trusting in any way.

    After all that you must wonder what my problems is! After a serious illness much of my anger went away God opened my eyes to how lucky I am. I still get frustrated with him because he often makes really bad decisions, and I am still very disrespectful when we have a difference of opinion.

    My problem is this. I have not felt love for my husband for probably 10 years. We have been married for 14. During the years when he checked out I felt so abandoned, unloved, and hopeless that I just felt no love for him. I don’t want a divorce purely for our children because I know how horrible divorce is. My husband and I rarely fight or argue now because I just don’t care anymore. Although I love sex I don’t care if we have sex or not anymore and wait for him to initiate it which is maybe once every few weeks. This is also because whenever I have initiated it he rejects me.

    I feel frightened because I have no idea how I could fall in love again with him, or feel any affection to him at all. I cook, keep the house nice, and care for and love our children, but to me he is just another responsibility I have. I have never felt protected or cared for by him either emotionally or physically. Usually when something bad happens I have to comfort him and he never comforts me. We are very different people when it comes to interests and lifestyle. He loves to watch tv while I would rather be outside on a walk. He is not a great communicator while I love to talk about all sorts of things. I don’t enjoy talking to him and I don’t really enjoy being with him either.

    While starting the Love and Respect Book I realized while I want to show him respect I do not want his love. I don’t want him to touch me, or show me affection. I want to be nice and polite to him but I don’t want any return of love. This is what is so depressing to me. I just see no hope for our marriage when I don’t even want to be loved by him.

    If you have advice to that it would be great. But what I am really looking for is what to do to be respectful to him when I don’t really want anything in return. I don’t want to cuddle with him or kiss him anymore. I would rather just show him platonic respect if that makes sense. I do not deny him sex, and I do enjoy it when we do it. In fact there has not been one time when I have denied him sex in our marriage. But for me now sex is just a release, it does not make me feel closer to him.

    • peacefulwife
      October 30, 2013 at 6:28 am #

      Sarah,

      I was working yesterday and am working all day today, too – so I have not forgotten you! But wanted to try to be able to give a proper response. What a nightmare you both had growing up. No wonder things have been so difficult :(

      THANKFULLY, God is able to “reprogram” your mind/heart/soul with His Word and teach you His wisdom and help you breathe life and healing into this painful situation.

      Marriage is not built on feelings. Thankfully! The way marriage works is – we obey God’s Word for us. We focus on asking God to change US. We trust Him to be the Holy Spirit to our husbands. We accept our husbands and look for the good in them and we praise and respect and appreciate everything that we see that is good. As we learn to honor our husbands, respect them and step down from control, they usually will begin to step up. Eventually. It may take a long time. That is ok! Usually, after we obey God – feelings often return in time. But even if they don’t – feelings are not our goal. It is EASY to make “feeling loved” by our husbands into an idol we cherish more than Jesus. Our goal must be to love and please Jesus first, to find our contentment totally in Him even if our husbands never change and to ask Him to cleanse our sin and empower us to be the women He desires us to be.

      Check out the posts on respect and disrespect at the top of my home page for some very specific ideas of how to avoid disrespect and how to respect.

      The primary purpose of your marriage is to demonstrate the profound mystery of the intimacy between Jesus and His church.

      Lay down this feeling of “I don’t want his love” “I’m afraid I will be hurt.” Lay down your hurts from your childhood. Lay all of your fears, expectations, rights, wisdom and desires at His feet. And pick up His wisdom, His power, His plans, His priorities, His goals, His wholeness, His love/joy/peace/patience/kindness/goodness/faithfulness/gentleness/self-control. Seek His glory more than anything.

      Your feelings are not in charge here. You are. You have the choice to obey God, not your feelings.

      Feelings can be important. But they are not THE MOST important thing. Obeying Christ and being close to Him and blessing your husband is the most important thing.

      Focus on Christ, He is more than able to change your feelings my precious sister!

  75. Burning out
    January 3, 2014 at 12:43 am #

    I am reading this for the first time, lying next to my sleeping husband. I called him a lot today and he worked very hard. I felt like I was making sure he was ok and he felt disrespected. I got angry that he had the nerve to feel disrespected and we haven’t spoken since. We have been married just 2 years and I love him to pieces, but this isn’t the first time we have fought like this. I am grateful to have found this blog, as my prayer right before I found it was asking God to fix his arrogance. Haha. Looks like it is mine we should be “fixing.” I have a very stubborn and controlling personality, but I like this because I can succeed at controlling myself. Thank you. I look forward to a new future.

    • peacefulwife
      January 3, 2014 at 8:04 am #

      Burning Out,
      It is so wonderful to meet you! :) I can absolutely relate to your issues. But I am really excited about all that God is about to show you and do in your heart. Please let me know how you are doing my sweet sister!

  76. Wayne
    January 8, 2014 at 12:36 pm #

    Just saw this in my Yahoo.com news feed that I thought (if you haven’t seen it already) you might find it interesting and supportive.

    http://celebrity.yahoo.com/news/candace-cameron-bure-defends-her-quot-submissive-role-214500595-us-weekly.html

  77. Jena Lovig
    January 14, 2014 at 11:58 am #

    Hi I am a mom of a 7 month old boy who I am still breastfeeding. My hubby came up to me one day and said I want to nurse your breasts. I did not know what to say, I was shocked. I said I would think about it. So a day later I created a account on anrdating.com to get some advice but I haven’t. Can you give me some advice

  78. Shelly
    January 18, 2014 at 1:52 pm #

    Your words and wisdom are so encouraging as I learn to focus on Christ and not my worries☺️

    • peacefulwife
      January 18, 2014 at 6:29 pm #

      Shelly,
      It is fantastic to meet you! I can’t wait to walk beside you on this exciting adventure. :)

  79. Kari
    January 27, 2014 at 8:06 pm #

    I am so moved by your writing. Just last night our Pastor spoke with us about Biblical marriage. I was very convicted. I will write you more soon as I can. Pray for me sister! !!

    • peacefulwife
      January 27, 2014 at 9:02 pm #

      Kari,

      It is wonderful to meet you, I am so excited about what God is about to do in your life!!!! Can’t wait to hear more about your story. Of course I will pray for God’s will, for Him to show you any sin so you can repent and for Him to empower you to become the woman He desires you to be!

      Much love to you!
      April

  80. Mjwieber
    January 30, 2014 at 4:36 am #

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

    I have been searching and searching for someone, like myself (I thought I was perfect- who wouldn’t want to be married to me??) who has experienced the desperation of loneliness in a marriage when it seemed I was doing everything right.

    I appreciate your sense of humor – the report card…DEAD ON! I also appreciate your honesty.

    I look forward to reading everything you have shared and I pray that my marriage will be blessed by your insights and that I will also have the courage to be humble enough to change.

    • peacefulwife
      January 30, 2014 at 6:22 am #

      Mjwieber,
      I am so pleased to meet you! I can’t wait to see all that God has in store. I’m right here to talk any time you’d like. We can walk this journey together. :) I am always glad to do my best to point you to Christ and His Word.

      Much love to you!!!!!!!!

  81. Maeve
    January 30, 2014 at 5:12 pm #

    Hi April,

    Am in need of urgent help for our marriage. I emailed you 2 or 3 days ago but have not heard from you. Perhaps my email went into your ‘junk folder’?

    Please let me know.

    • peacefulwife
      January 30, 2014 at 5:17 pm #

      ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE:

      If you sent me an email in the past few days – I have responded. But – apparently – not everyone is receiving my responses. My apologies. Please let me know if you haven’t received a response from me. :) Thanks!

      Maeve,
      I sent you the responses twice – so I sent a total of 4 emails to you. I am not sure why you are not receiving my emails, :(

    • peacefulwife
      January 30, 2014 at 10:13 pm #

      Maeve,

      Ok – I resent all 150+ emails that I had sent to everyone in the past few days. I am hopeful you received BOTH emails this time! :)

      • peacefulwife
        January 31, 2014 at 8:04 am #

        Maeve,
        Have you received my emails?

        • peacefulwife
          January 31, 2014 at 8:16 am #

          if you are on Facebook, you can find my Peacefulwife Blog FB and message me and I can get them to you that way. :)

        • peacefulwife
          February 1, 2014 at 1:52 pm #

          Maeve,
          I sent you a test email last night – haven’t heard back from you. I had written two LONG emails to you – but they were lost on my tablet when our email server changed. :( I am glad to rewrite them – but before I spend 30 minutes doing that, I want to be sure you are getting my emails. :)

          Thanks so much!

          • Patti
            February 2, 2014 at 1:41 pm #

            Hello April, I just found ur viseos n blogs! I really really enjoy them. How can I email you? I have a few questions and need advice!!

  82. Karil
    February 4, 2014 at 7:00 am #

    Oh my Dear Precious Lord!!! How you have touched my lonely, hurting, confused, STRONG WILLED BOSSY HEART!!! Last night after 32 years of marriage, I came to a place of severe discouragement and loneliness!! I had come to the conclusion that my only solice would be in starting my own “lonely wife blog”. That my only place to go was to blab on line about how terrible and lonely my life was, living with my passive out of touch husband! What good would that do? I have no idea! But after trying to tell my husband how lonely I felt and how he “wasn’t doing this marriage thing right”! Of course there was a still small voice inside saying “no child, just pray” but I tried to ignore it. So in doing a google search of any other blogs about lonely wives (not to read from or learn, just to make sure I could have the spotlight alone,) I ran across your blog! As I started to read your about page, I tried to pass it off as ” what can she know? Only being married a short time?” Trying to pull away but being coaxed to stay and read just a little bit more! I thank you so much! I feel hopeful that there is help for us. I will read and follow your blog. I will read the book you recommend. I will follow Gods leading. And pray for my husband. Maybe he will read your husbands blog? It will take great constraint not to force it on him!! Lol. Thank you and God Bless

    • peacefulwife
      February 4, 2014 at 7:48 am #

      Karil,

      I like you already! You are hysterical! :)

      I have a feeling that as you begin this journey – I may have to ask you to write some posts about it for me that will bless many other wives. :) In fact, I would love to share your comment on my PW FB page, if that is ok with you! LOVE IT!

      There is EVERY reason for hope in Christ, my precious sister!

      The awesome thing is – your husband doesn’t have to read my husband’s blog. Even if you just allow God to change YOU – He can begin to radically heal both of you in His timing. It’s a long, long journey – but an exciting one! I am so excited you are here!

      Please let me know how you are doing. I am thrilled to meet you and I can’t wait to see what God’s about to do. The first part is painful – hang in there – it gets better!

  83. karilg82
    February 4, 2014 at 8:54 pm #

    Thank you so much :) I am honored that you would want to share my comment on your Facebook page, please do!
    God bless you in your ministry, I am so happy that I found you and found direction…I will let you know how things are going :)

    • peacefulwife
      February 4, 2014 at 9:29 pm #

      Karilg82,

      Sounds like a fabulous plan to me!

  84. Edy
    February 7, 2014 at 8:16 am #

    I try hard to respect my husband, but I end up feeling like his mommy over and over. When u talked about fear, I completely understood. I feel as if I don’t handle everything, nothing in our lives will be taken care of… Was your husband this way? Did your changing help him to step up and be the man God has called him to be? Or, did everything kind of fall apart, and you had to go through a lot of suffering waiting for him to be a “man?”

    My husband is a wonderful person, and as I said I do TRY to respect him, but having to remind him every week to take out the garbage (literally it will pile up for 4 weeks if I don’t), or to clean up after himself…. I try, but end up feeling so resentful, as if I DO have another child. As a strong woman, I don’t WANT another child (surely don’t want a sexual relationship with one!!!!!) I want a storing man!

    Any advice? Thoughts? Thank you

    • peacefulwife
      February 8, 2014 at 9:35 am #

      Edy,
      Precious girl!

      I did feel that way!

      I had to do a lot of waiting, yes. But then he slowly did take over.

      How do you ask him about the trash?

      Check out the posts at the top of my home page about disrespect and respect. They may be helpful.

      And search the word “lead” on my home page, there are a number of posts about why husbands don’t lead and how we can inspire them to lead.

      Let me know what is on your heart! :)

  85. Edy
    February 12, 2014 at 12:28 am #

    Not sure why, but the link in my email took me back here instead of to respond to your comment, and the comments are out of date order.

    Anyway, thank u for ur response, I will search “lead” as u suggested. I find my self thinking, “I would do as little as possible too, if I just had a me running around taking care of everything.”

    My mom was very disrespectful to my dad growing up, and I am pretty mindful of being outrageously so. Not saying I’m perfect, I have my days. I end up thinking, “how am I supposed to respect you?” I love my husband, but I’m exhausted in every way. I feel like he and his children (my step kids) take take take! They think nothing of just sucking up every drop of everything I have. Money, time, energy!!!! He is loving, and I believe in love, he just cares more about himself than me.

    Literally, he has no problem sitting on the couch for days, while I don’t sit down except maybe 10 minutes here and there. He isn’t financially responsible, he would spend twice what we have if I didn’t hide money! He isn’t working, and I’m working from home cause I have a new baby… I feel like I’m sinking, and he is standing there watching me….. And telling me not to forget his laundry before I go under!

    I’ve talked to him kindly, nicely, sugar coated blatantly….. He just gets upset tells me I’m wrong (I’m not I promise), and goes right back to doing a whole lot of nothing.

    I don’t want to divorce, my girl needs her dad, but as far as myself, I’m feeling, I’m doing everything on my own now…. Without him and his kids id have 1/4 of the work, half the bills, and none of the stress! We’ve been married a little over a year……

    • peacefulwife
      February 12, 2014 at 7:43 am #

      Edy,

      If you get a chance, please check out my posts at the top of my home page about disrespect, signs husbands feel disrespected, respect and biblical submission.

      Do either of you have a relationship with Christ?

      If you try talking to him kindly for a day or two – that isn’t going to cut it. He needs to see REAL, GENUINE respect and change for many months – or, most husbands do – before they begin to care about their wives’ feelings.

      Most men, if they feel disrespected and controlled will NOT care about their wives’ feelings. But, as you become someone he can respect, and he sees you genuinely respect him, in time, you can simply ask him for things, without pressuring him, and he will most likely begin to start to help you. Especially if you drop all the negativity, complaining, arguing, criticizing, lecturing, telling him what to do, etc… and begin to thank him, appreciate him, praise the good in him and encourage him.

      How is your relationship with Christ going? You are going to have to have the power of His Spirit to do this!! :)

      Much love!
      April

  86. Edy
    February 12, 2014 at 9:35 am #

    Honestly, I really do those things…. Patience kindness love etc…. When I get upset it’s few and far between.

    My relationship with God is a close one…. I’m not legalistic or anything, it’s more of a quiet personal relationship.

    I will check out your blog, thank you

    • peacefulwife
      February 12, 2014 at 9:52 am #

      Edy,

      I am so excited to hear about your walk with Christ. That is the key, :). Looking forward to getting to know you more.

  87. Hayley
    March 12, 2014 at 10:13 am #

    Hi,

    I wanted to give you a heads up that DatingAdvice.com has named you as one of the year’s “10 Best Blogs for Wives.” The rankings were published this morning, and we’ll be promoting it on-site and through other social media channels over the coming days.

    You can view your write-up here: http://www.datingadvice.com/for-women/10-best-blogs-for-wives

    You have the bragging rights, so feel free to share the news on your blog and with your followers! Let me know if I can be of any help in promoting the news.

    Can I send you a badge recognizing that you made the list?

    Have a great day,
    Hayley

    • peacefulwife
      March 12, 2014 at 6:45 pm #

      Hayley,
      Thanks so much! That is extremely kind of you. :)

      • Hayley
        March 13, 2014 at 10:08 am #

        You’re very welcome! We would love to have you guest blog for us. Send me an email if you’re interested :)

  88. robertjgood
    March 15, 2014 at 4:35 pm #

    Thank God for your blog.

  89. Leslie
    March 23, 2014 at 4:06 pm #

    Hi there! Just stumbled across your website…by the Holy Spirit’s leading I’m sure. I love what I’ve read so far. Thank you! Do you have a Facebook page as well that I can follow?

    • peacefulwife
      March 23, 2014 at 4:18 pm #

      Leslie,

      Welcome! It is a pleasure to meet you!

      Yes, I have a Facebook page called “Peacefulwife Blog”

  90. Ivonne Mare
    March 25, 2014 at 7:08 am #

    Thank you for sharing your testimony!
    Praise God my sister shared this article with me! I needed it!

    • peacefulwife
      March 25, 2014 at 7:41 am #

      Ivonne,
      It is great to meet you! I am excited about what God is planning to do in your life. :) there are many posts here that I believe will bless you on this journey to become a godly wife. :) much love!

  91. Rhiannon S
    March 30, 2014 at 1:30 pm #

    Hello =) I have been a subscriber for only a month or so, but I wanted to let you know what a blessing and inspiration it has been. I love your heart for marriage and it is blogs like yours and some other passionate women that inspired me to start my own. I share your passion for marriage and women respecting their husbands. It is a joy to read your work and if you have any advice for an up and coming blogger it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for sparking the revolution of wives! http://www.revolutionarywives.com ;)

    • peacefulwife
      March 30, 2014 at 2:12 pm #

      Rhiannon S,
      I am so thrilled to hear about what God is doing in your life!

      Would you like to write a guest post for me?

      Much love to you!

  92. Rhiannon S
    March 30, 2014 at 4:40 pm #

    Yes! That would be amazing! Thank you. If you want to email any specifics that would be great. rae16_88@hotmail.com

  93. nelpam
    April 10, 2014 at 3:34 pm #

    Dear Amy

    Do you have an email address or do I just write to you here. I really just need to chat about things and dont want it posted for all to see.

    Thanks

    Kathryn

    • peacefulwife
      April 11, 2014 at 8:23 am #

      Kathryn,

      You are welcome to write here – I can keep your comment in moderation so that it does not post if you would like. Would that work? Thank you! It’s great to meet you. :)

  94. Tosin
    April 17, 2014 at 9:11 am #

    God bless you and God bless your husband so much. Thanks for sharing your experience and for working on restoring the first institution ordained by God. For discovering this and walking in your purpose, you’re one of the greatest women walking this planet! I appreciate and celebrate you! May God honour and reward you with untold happiness and overwhelming joy and fulfilment.

    • peacefulwife
      April 17, 2014 at 5:08 pm #

      Tosin,
      I cannot take any credit for any good in me. I owe everything to Jesus for that. :) and He has given me joy and peace like I never could have possibly imagined as I submitted myself fully to Him and to Greg. I count myself the most blessed woman on the planet and I am in awe of all that God is doing here. God is GOOD!

  95. Meredith
    April 24, 2014 at 2:09 pm #

    April,
    I have a sin to confess, but I’m not really sure if it’s a sin.. I can check my husbands search history from his phone/computer from my cell phone. He doesn’t know I have access to this.. but I check it every once in a while.. in January of this year he looked at porn and I confronted him in a way he still wouldn’t know I had it on my phone.. it went ok… it was awkward he was embarrassed and apologized. He has not searched anything of that sort since then but this morning… he did. I am heartbroken. It is cheating to me.
    1. Is it a sin to snoop without him knowing.. I don’t feel like it is but Idk what God says.
    2. Should I tell him I have access to this? I dot want to. I would be embarrassed.
    3. My flesh wants to be a total you know what to him, I am pissed and hurt and don’t even want to look at him when I get home, why does he look at that filth? I know he doesn’t have a problem or do it everyday but why even at all?
    4. God’s spirit is telling me my job is to forgive him and move on and let God handle him. But my questions.. confront it? Or ask if there’s any sin in his life he would like o reveal to me? ( a few weeks ago we started doing this every once in a while bc we want to be there to pray for each others sins and shortcomings not judge, you know “be on the same team”) or should I just not bring it up.. and keep an eye on it to see if he looks again..
    I don’t know I am very hurt and feel awful.

    I love your blog abd appreciate all your input and time.
    Met

    • peacefulwife
      April 24, 2014 at 2:37 pm #

      Meredith,

      This DOES hurt. Badly.

      It doesn’t seem to me like snooping is doing a lot of beneficial things for your marriage. What he did was sin. Absolutely – but now if you respond by sinning against him, that doesn’t make things better.

      I’d love for you to read Grace Filled Marriage by Dr. Tim Keller – there is a whole chapter on handling a husband’s porn battles with grace. And there are resources at http://www.brentriggs.com and http://www.xxxchurch.org.

      How have things been in your marriage? How is your intimacy with your husband going? How is your time with Christ going? Can you spend a good hour or more with Jesus in the Bible before you see your husband? Matthew 7:1-5 would be a great place to start. And Galatians 5. And I John.

      How does God desire you to support and aid your husband in his moment of weakness and sin? What will bring glory to God later today when you see him? Will screaming at him, lecturing him, calling him names or throwing things make things better or worse? I’d love for him to see that you are on his team and willing to give him help for whatever temptations he is struggling with. Have either of you read Every Man’s Battle? VERY god resource.

      Did he have a porn habit as a teenager or when he was younger? Did it used to be an addiction?

      What sins are going on in your life now that you may need to repent of?

      I am praying for you and sending you the biggest hug!

      • peacefulwife
        April 24, 2014 at 2:39 pm #

        Meredith,

        I don’t snoop on my husband.

        Maybe you can ask in the next week or two if y’all can be totally transparent and accountable to each other – so that it will not be snooping. And maybe you can stop snooping for now?

        I love that y’all are praying for each other about sins and temptations. This is an incredible opportunity to extend the forgiveness, mercy and grace of Christ.

        I don’t know if you should tell him about the snooping. It’s possible he will be really upset. Then you will both be able to forgive each other hopefully!

        • Meredith
          April 24, 2014 at 3:01 pm #

          Yes, I have time I can spend in the word before I see him. And for some reason I actually brought my bible with me to work today… God is so good. Even when we don’t deserve it, Thank you so much april

  96. Laura
    May 8, 2014 at 8:50 pm #

    Oh my God I found you online while desperately searching for help for my marriage you are inspiring to say the least . My husband and I have been going through a very difficult time and I have been a controlling wife and I’m ashamed of myself for this. He has shut down and stays away from the house and won’t communicate. I plan on listening to your tapes and reading more of your suggestions to straighten myself out and be closer to God! Thank you April God sent you to me!
    Laura

    • peacefulwife
      May 9, 2014 at 9:36 am #

      You are most welcome, Laura! It is a pleasure to meet you. :) I am so excited about what God is doing in your life!!!!!!

  97. Laura
    May 9, 2014 at 10:48 am #

    Thank you so much April this morning I came to your site it has become a place for me to seek the insight I need to be a better wife! Laura

  98. anonymous
    May 11, 2014 at 3:00 pm #

    Hi April,
    I know that you have had need to cut back on the time you loved to invest in personally mentoring/discipling. But, have you ever thought of facilitating a “prayer support group” for the women who enjoy your blog? So many times, it seems, women suffer silently, afraid to be truly transparent with even members of their own church. But an online support group, where women could safely provide for and receive encouragement through prayer, (even anonymously) might be just the answer. Something to pray about. =)

    • peacefulwife
      May 11, 2014 at 9:41 pm #

      Anonymous,
      Thanks for the suggestion! I will prayerfully consider it. :)

  99. michelleighmatt
    May 21, 2014 at 8:03 pm #

    Do you have an email address by any chance? I understand if you don’t give it out. It would just be nice to have someone to go to with prayer for my situation occasionally.

    • peacefulwife
      May 21, 2014 at 9:36 pm #

      M,
      I am available here! There are hundreds of wives who would like to email me daily – but I am not able to individually mentor everyone. I wish I could!

      I will be accepting another wife to mentor in about 2 months. You can check out the qualifications and requirements here and let me know if you are interested!

  100. michelleighmatt
    May 21, 2014 at 9:43 pm #

    I really, truly am interested. I just finished reading the requirements and I know that even though my situation is not something I would ever recommend another person stay in without a totally clear word from God, I feel his grace and peace and clarity about my position. I DO struggle some days and am unsure where to reach out. I hate to taint how people see my husband. And it can be hard for me to figure out how to forgive something that’s not in the past- but ongoing. However, if God is asking it of me I know there must be a way.

    • peacefulwife
      May 22, 2014 at 6:41 pm #

      Michelle,

      Hmm.. Having your story’s details may not be wise, I agree. That is why I unapproved your original comment. It may not be wise to have it in posts, either.

      If we did this, we may just have to say something extremely general about your husband being in sin, and we would be focusing on your walk with God.

      We both need to pray about this!

      But, I am happy to pray with you any time. Are you seeing a godly counselor at all now?

      Lord,
      I lift up my precious sister and her husband. Draw them both to Yourself! Break down every stronghold of sin and satan, bring true repentance and let them both totally submit themselves to You as Lord. We pray most of all for this husband’s sin and rebellion and his being so very far from God. We pray for Him to be fully reconciled to You! And we pray for Your power, wisdom, strength, courage, direction, protection, peace, strength and joy for Michelle. Your will and Your greatest glory be accomplished in this family, Lord! By Your power alone!

  101. michelleighmatt
    May 22, 2014 at 7:02 pm #

    I understand. I wouldn’t want to give anyone the wrong idea or act is if this is some kind of right answer for these situations.
    I’m not currently seeing anyone. We haven’t been in the area very long and are just getting established in a good church. I did when we were home..
    I feel fairly confident that God wouldn’t ask me to go through a constant physical affair. Even though that part has reoccured one time since I became aware of the situation a year and a half ago, I feel some securit knowing my husband has been truthful in that regard and that the woman is living across the country from us.
    I just feel so sure that I’m supposed to stay. I feel Gods spoken to my heart that because of my husbands Upbringing and own difficult past that he doesn’t respond to tough love- it’s the unconditional kind that will get to him.
    I feel I’d rather die foolish than give up too soon. I know The Lord is able to change a situation with a simple touch. And that his timing is perfect. I believe as I continue to learn and grow I can be truly happy despite the pain of my circumstances.
    I do appreciate the prayer though. Because of the nature I haven’t felt comfortable sharing my story with anyone I know so no one has ever been able to offer any type of specific prayer for me. It means a lot.

    • peacefulwife
      May 22, 2014 at 9:11 pm #

      Michelle,
      I completely support your desire to stay and honor your covenant! I have seen quite a number of women do this, and I know there is even a site for spouses who are standing for their marriages.

      You are always welcome here!!!

  102. Elizabeth
    May 23, 2014 at 11:53 am #

    I am petrified. I am due to be married in 7 weeks and I think that how can I submit to him. I have been a single mum for over ten years bringing up children managing a house and employment and volunteer activities on my own. I hear my own self in your words. A leader. A strong woman who picks up the slack and makes things happen. I read his bio in your description about your husband. Somewhat passive, takes a while to think on things etc etc. Some days I wish he would just say no to me he is so agreeable it’s almost like he has no opinion of his own. I want to make things happen. We are both Christian people but right now I am praying and seeking counsel about whether I am making a huge mistake to marry him, to marry at all. We have done the pre course and all the discussions but I don’t know to be submissive apart from the idea of being a doormat. And of course what happens when he is wrong ( or has a different view than mine :) ). At this point in time I don’t think I can promise to submit to him as part of the vows yet I do strongly believe that the bible is there for our benifit, that these instructions are given so that we can live the life the way god intended, so as a concept I think submission is very important but I am scared that I can’t or won’t be able to do it.

    • peacefulwife
      May 23, 2014 at 1:37 pm #

      Elizabeth,
      You can only do this in the power of Christ! First you must be fully submitted to God. That is what this is primarily about. Can you trust God? Will you obey God?

      Check out the posts at the top of my home page about respect and biblical submission. You can also search “submission” on my home page and “leader” “control” “lead” “spiritual authority.” I think you will find the details you need here. I can’t do the hard work for you. But I can point you to Christ. :)

      If you are not willing to submit to him, you may need to postpone the wedding. Once you are married, this is God’s command for you. You have a Mr. Steady, it sounds like. Husbands like that are good leaders, but you must be very patient and step down and wait on their timing. God is able to lead you through him if you will be still and wait on God. :)
      Much love!

  103. Karen lynn
    May 27, 2014 at 7:48 am #

    Thank you…

  104. David J.
    June 18, 2014 at 2:35 pm #

    April: I thought you might be interested in a comment from another blog I follow, regarding a (male) former marriage therapist’s observations about the differences between husbands and wives’ respective thoughts about marriage and divorce.

    This was Scott’s comment:

    “I haven’t done any marital therapy in a while, but there was always these two things that stood out. They were the two most ubiquitous [sic] problems that transcended married couples central issues.

    If I asked the man to tell me what he wasn’t getting that he felt he really needed, it was almost some derivitive of “respect.” He might not always articulate it that way, but if you drilled down deep enough, the men wanted to be appreciated for their hard work, their integrity, their moral leadersship, their accountability. As I said, this was the most common type of complaint, by far.

    However, if you asked the woman the same question the most common response had to do with being “known.” She would say “I know his favorite color, his favorite sex positions, his favorite meal, his favorite sports team, his hopes and dreams…but he doesn’t know anything about me.” She would complain about how she resented him for this and because of it was not interested in showing respect.

    In general, because of the heavy-handed fem-centric approach I was taught in graduate school, i would be much more empathic to the woman and say to the man “you see, she wants you to ask questions about her. If you show interest THEN she will respect you.” This of course, is BS and is not anything like what the Bible prescribes should be done in this situation.

    However–take that problem and compound it with the second issue I noticed (and was absolutely the case in the breakup of my own first marriage)

    When my divorce was almost final, I was able to have several, calm conversations with her about what went wrong. In a rare moment of candor she admitted the following: “When were dating, I looked at you and thought ‘that’s a good start’ and then I proceeded to get to work on changing you. I shouldn’t have done that. It just set me up for dissapointment when you didn’t change the way I wanted you to.”

    This, too, was a common theme in the marriage counseling I have done. The woman sees the man as an unfinished project and the man sees just the opposite. He thinks “stay like that. Don’t change! That will be perfect.”

    In fact, I would go so far as to say these two problems are the biggest contributors of female-instigated divorce. This idea of chaging the man is reinforced as the correct way to proceed in a marriage. How often do you hear that she “trained him” to start leaving the toilet seat down, or whatever? Can you imagine a husband speaking that way about a wife in public?

    I think in the current cultural environment, it is the man is who more likely to have this position–which is the one I usually hear from married men:

    “Sure there are some things I don’t particularly like about her. Heck, I reserve the right to complan about them until we are dead. But if she never changes her most annoying habits, I love her. I picked her, just like this. I will even learn to love the things about her I can’t stand.”

    What a man is doing when he proclaims this is a sort of guided imagery. He is actually imagining her, decades later–old, gray, hunched over with the all the exact same personality quirks and annoying habits she has now and STILL being married to her. And he is OK with that.”

    • peacefulwife
      June 20, 2014 at 3:02 pm #

      David,

      I have definitely seen this, too!

      I expected my husband and I to both “grow, mature and change.” He wanted me to stay the same and wanted me to accept him without his changing.

      I think this dynamic is important to understand and I believe it is possible for us as wives to learn to accept and respect our husbands “as is” without thinking of them as our “project.” But this does not come naturally to us as women, for the most part. We must learn to do this and see examples and have godly mentors.

      Thanks for sharing!

  105. David J.
    June 20, 2014 at 10:39 pm #

    April: This is bad timing; I know you’re taking a break (well-deserved!). Maybe put this on your list of things to look into when you’re back. In Focus on the Family’s weekly email today, there is a link to a series of articles titled “Understanding Your Husband’s Sexual Needs.” The first installment is here: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/sex_and_intimacy/understanding-your-husbands-sexual-needs.aspx.

    Truthfully, much of what FOTF publishes is of limited helpfulness, I think — it’s simply too wishy-washy to actually have an impact on any but the most motivated, who by definition probably don’t need the advice FOTF is offering. But this series is dead on, both about the huge (and God-given) significance of sex to husbands and the corresponding benefits or detriments to the marriage if the wife misunderstands it, as — frankly — most Christian wives do. This material is drawn from Dr. Juli Slattery’s book, “No More Headaches,” which I was not previously aware of. From what is excerpted by FOTF, I would put Slattery’s book on par with Shaunti Feldhahn’s “For Women Only,” which you and I both think highly of.

    I have to say that if my ex-wife had read Slattery’s book, or even these excerpts, and had taken them to heart, we would still be married. Likely, though, she would have tossed this information aside as she did Shaunti Feldhahn’s book. Or, out of all 8 installments in the series, she would have seized on this single paragraph and would have completely ignored everything else: “I also want to emphasize that I am not saying, “Just do it.” Your needs are just as important as his. A great sex life means taking into account both persons’ needs and desires. I don’t agree with well-meaning counselors who suggest that a wife promise to have sex three times a week with her husband. That approach is one-sided and defeats the whole purpose of sex: oneness and love.”

    If any of your readers will avoid my ex-wife’s example, they will either (a) save their marriages from divorce (because their frustrated husband reaches his limit and allows his sexual needs to trump his vows, or because they reach their limit dealing with their frustrated husband) or (b) dramatically improve the quality of their marriage.

    When you’re back, let me know what you think. Thanks.

  106. Johanna
    June 27, 2014 at 7:09 am #

    It is 100% critical that I learn to respect my husband the way you respect yours. My husband even tells me I don’t respect him….ouch!! I want to be that Godly, submissive wife but I just don’t know how. What are some scriptures you memorized to help you along the journey?

    • peacefulwife
      July 24, 2014 at 8:44 am #

      Johanna,

      I hope that you might check out the posts at the top of my home page, they are a great place to start.

      I would also suggest that you look up the following terms on my home page search bar:

      - discontentment
      - contentment
      - idol
      - idolatry
      - lead
      - leader

      These posts have scripture in them that I believe will be a great blessing. You can also check out my Youtube channel “April Cassidy” for even more help.

      Much love to you!

  107. Meli
    July 2, 2014 at 1:48 pm #

    Beautiful. Amen

  108. eternity driven
    July 4, 2014 at 2:47 am #

    Hi sister, first I would like to thank God for your life. I just found out your Youtube channel this week when I was searching “how to confront your husband”, I was helpless because I can’t find any advice that isn’t worldly but praise God, He led me to yours. Since Tuesday this week, I’ve been watching your vids and asking God to help and guide me, what stood out to me is the truth that I have to confess every little sin I have had and ask God’s forgiveness and repent before anything else so that God will be able to work on me. Also, about God’s sovereignty and trusting Him all the time. I realized how terrible wife I am for controlling/manipulating my husband, not to mention disrespectful and dominant, unlike your husband, my husband keeps telling me every time we fight that he’s already tired of me that I was very controlling, that I always tell him what to do, do this, do that, lets go to church, lets join the Bible study, don’t drink, don’t lie, spend time with me, love me, etc. I tried to win him to the Lord but I was pursuing him the wrong way like what you mentioned in your vid. Hence, I wasn’t trusting God and I’m getting my way through everything that he’s doing. I am self-righteous and I always feel that I am better than him, that I know better that I am good because I know the Lord. But I was wrong. :( Also, he doesn’t have a regular job, so there were times that I was complaining and blaming. He always lie to me about his whereabouts and always come home drunk. He spends more quality time with his friends. I check his fb account and mobile phone consistently, I don’t trust him and there’s always something I discover that he lied about, also recently, he texted his friend that he had some phone sex with other woman. I confronted him about it but he said that it was not him who texted his friend that, but his other friend. I just keep quite since I’ve already watch your video by that time. I actually confronted him calmly and took time before I told him that I knew about it. After that, I’ve been quite and not controlling anymore. First day was so hard because I was hurting. To this day, I am taking one step at a time. I realized I have so many things I should learn and practice, especially about my motives why I want to change. Our 2nd year wedding anniversary is this coming July 7th, we didnt talk about any plans. I have just one question about it, should I talk about it first or I will just wait for him if he has plans. I’m not even sure if he knows that its coming. By the way, even before the Lord is telling me to surrender everything to Him, just be still that I will just let my husband do whatever he wants even if its a sin or will hurt me, I was wrestling to God because I just can’t get it, it doesn’t makes sense but now I can see clearer and I understand it better, its like a puzzle and for 2 years I just found the missing piece. The beauty of suffering is joy and getting to know the Lord more and His will. Thanks a lot sister. I am truly blessed and very glad! :) :) :)

    • peacefulwife
      July 23, 2014 at 8:40 pm #

      Eternity Driven,
      My apologies, I was on a month long blog break when you commented!

      If he is lying about his whereabouts and you have trust issues and don’t know if he is being faithful – you may need to seek some godly, experienced, biblical counsel from someone you trust and know, if possible. Or from a godly pastor or godly mentoring wife.

      Praying for wisdom for you!

      I’m so excited to hear what God is doing in you!

  109. Shy Me
    July 15, 2014 at 8:42 am #

    Hi April

    I really have a question to ask but don’t feel comfortable for the world to see. Is there a way I could email you perhaps?

    Thanks

  110. Hannah
    July 20, 2014 at 10:39 pm #

    April, I am so glad I found your blog and I can’t wait to dig in! My husband and I got married a year and a half ago, and are hitting roadblocks all the time it seems when it comes to love and respect. I can relate to so much in your “About” section and I felt convicted the whole time I was reading it. I can’t wait to start this journey to become the wife that God calls me to be. Thank you so much for documenting yours. God bless

    • peacefulwife
      July 21, 2014 at 8:01 am #

      Hannah,

      WOOHOO! I am so excited about what God is doing in your heart. I can’t wait to see all that He has in store for you, your walk with Christ, your husband and your marriage. May God be greatly glorified in your life!

  111. Johanny Rivera
    July 25, 2014 at 11:14 am #

    Hi April, aka peaceful wife, I’m just starting to read your story and it’s like reading my own book! I FINALLY surrendered it ALL to the Lord Jesus, and I can’t wait to see how and what the Lord is gonna do in our marriage!! I just need more wise advice in other areas, how can I get in contact with you? God bless u and your family!!

    • peacefulwife
      July 26, 2014 at 7:02 am #

      Johanny,

      It is a pleasure to meet you! I am so thrilled to hear that you are surrendering fully to Christ! WOOHOOO!

      If you have questions about some general topics, you can ask here and I can direct you to posts I have written – seems like I have posts about almost everything. If I don’t have a post, I may be able to write one about the topic you are interested in.

      You can check out the posts at the top of my home page, too. They are a great place to start.

      I am not able to be available to individually email wives right now. I would be spending about 12 hours/day on emails if I did that. But I am available here. And I can delete your comments if you need me to after I see them. :)

      With love,
      April

  112. Maud
    July 29, 2014 at 11:07 pm #

    Dear April,
    I found your blog this morning and it is giving me hope. I recognize so many similarities. I have been disrespectful to my husband but did not realized it until recently. My husband and I are going through a (another :( ) crisis. I hope we can save our marriage. We have been together for just over 5 years and we don’t have children… yet. That’s one thing I nag him about a lot. I have no one to talk too. My husband is my only friend. I get along well with my mother in law. She’s an incredible woman but I feel she is stuck between us. I have no close friend. My parents and my sister have wished only bad things for our marriage since the beginning. People at my church talk too much. Can I email you for some advice?
    You are a wonderful woman for sharing your story.
    Thank you.
    Maud

    • peacefulwife
      July 30, 2014 at 6:35 pm #

      Maud,
      I am so pleased to meet you!!!! :)

      With Jesus Christ, all things are possible, my sweet girl!

      You are welcome to share here. I can set up your comments so that I have to approve them. And if you want me to, I can just not approve some of them, and answer without showing your questions. Would that work?

      Much love to you!

      • Maud
        August 19, 2014 at 5:44 pm #

        Hi April,
        I have not heard anything back yet from you. I’m sure you are very busy but would appreciate any words of advice. I have been reading your blog, the bible, the surrended wife and thought I was doing great. My husband started talking to me. We were even intimate last week more than we have been in the last year… But deep down I had not made any changes. I am still suffocating with pride and hate in my heart. My father-in-law came to visit this week to supervise the trades were hired for our backyard. I was doing ‘alright’ not smiling or talking much to him when I promised to my husband I would be an amazing host. But I made a big unnecessary fuss about my husband putting a chair in his dad’s room for him to sit as it’s nice and has a silk cover. I was like ‘it’s gonna get dirty and smell’. And then rushed into the bedroom covering it with a sheet. My husband was furious and for good reason. He moved all his stuff out of the bedroom and told me his patience is thinning out and won’t spend the rest if his life like this although our marriage means a lot to him. Why am I so hateful? How to fill my heart with love to get peace? I’m reading so much and understanding it all but can’t seem to put it into action.
        Thank you so much for your beautiful writings. They inspire me.
        Maud

  113. Leslie
    August 9, 2014 at 5:23 pm #

    Thank you for your input. It does make me feel a little better to let go of my dream of courtship for my children and allow them to seek God’s path for them. I, too, didn’t know about courtship until a couple of years ago, and thought that is definitely how my children will do it. But God often has different plans than I do! I love that He continues to teach me to trust Him in all things. :-) And I am very grateful for the husband He has given me to help raise our children.

    My hubby and I need to continue to pray and trust that God would give our children a heart for honoring Him in all that they do, whether it be courting or dating. I wish that all my children believed and thought like me, but that would result in a pretty boring life with no spiritual growth! It is through the tough and difficult times that I can learn more and grow deeper in my faith and trust of God. He is always awesome and knows what each of us needs!! :-)

    May He continue to bless your ministry and allow you to be a voice that encourages women to be the helpmeet He created us to be, so that our lives may always glorify Him.

    • peacefulwife
      August 9, 2014 at 5:32 pm #

      Leslie,

      This is a tough issue. We would all love to have certain rules to follow that would “guarantee” the outcome we want for our children. I’m not sure that is possible! But, I do think we can love them, pray with them and for them, guide them and share our wisdom and help them to learn to make wise, godly choices – correcting them when they go off course.

      God doesn’t always have a one-size-fits-all plan. But He does promise to give us His Spirit, His wisdom and His love. And He will lead you through your husband. I know that y’all will make wise choices and be such a blessing to your children!

      Thank you for the encouragement and prayers!

  114. Karye P
    August 13, 2014 at 2:21 am #

    WOW! Today was a move or move me God, kind of day. My marriage is in dire straits!
    My friend gave me your blog as a recommendation. She briefed me on it. I went more out of curiosity to see what all the “hype” was about.
    Let me first say, I am “spoiled, selfish and spiritually immature”!! I am that “nag” the Bible must warn about. The “dripping faucet “. How arrogant, disrespectful and prideful I am. And I am like you were, change him Lord!
    Pride comes before the fall. Well, I don’t want my marriage to be what falls.
    I feel so bad . After a repentant heart, I went into my husband today even though I still was thinking I was a bit right, and told him I was insensitive to him, rude, and that I acknowledge his hard work, his brilliant mind, and how much he loves us and sacrifices and serves me and our kids. Then I asked him to forgive me. You should have seen his face. Kind of a blank stare. I had to repeat myself to get a response.
    And the whole thing about spending time with your husband. We never spend time together. I miss him!
    Thanks for your response and obedience to The Lord. Businesses might change 100 lives, but a godly marriage can impact millions!
    KP;)

    • peacefulwife
      August 13, 2014 at 6:58 am #

      KP,
      I am so excited to hear from you! And I am thrilled about what God is doing in your heart. How I needed to know this stuff 20 years ago that first summer when we got married. Sure could have spared myself and my husband a LOT of pain.

      I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for you! WOOHOO!!! Let me know how you are doing! There are tons of posts here that I believe will bless you on your journey to being the wife God desires you to be. :)

  115. yuliya
    August 21, 2014 at 12:23 am #

    Hello April. May God bless you! I am trying to respect my husband now too. I apologize that the following questions are sort of off the topic. April, i have this question, if you don’t mind please answer, how do you know that it is ok with God that women put make up on? Some christian people are against it and some are for it. Is there a verse in a Bible that you know of that would help me to understand this question? Also what are your thoughts about jewelry? Thank you.

    • peacefulwife
      August 22, 2014 at 8:18 am #

      Yuliya,

      It is wonderful to meet you!

      There are some issues in the Christian walk that are matters of biblical principle – they are the same for every believer and they are not negotiable. And there are some issues that are a matter of personal conviction.

      The entire chapter of Romans 14 is about these matters of personal conviction. I will include that chapter at the bottom of my comments.

      The only instructions given to women about appearance in the New Testament are:

      I Timothy 2

      8 Therefore I want the men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing. 9 I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, 10 but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

      11 A woman[a] should learn in quietness and full submission. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man;[b] she must be quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. 15 But women[c] will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.

      For the believer
      “I have the right to do anything,” you say–but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”–but not everything is constructive.
      I Corinthians 10:23

      We are no longer under the Law. We are under Grace. The two greatest commandments are for us to love the Lord our God with all our hearts, with all our souls, with all our minds and with all our strength. And the second is to love our neighbor as ourselves. (Matthew 22:38-39)

      So the question is, am I directly violating any commandment of God? Is what I want to do sin?

      With make up and jewelry, I don’t find a verse that specifically says that those things are sin.

      There is the question WHY are we doing what we are do? That is the biggest issue, in my mind. What is my motivation?

      Am I wearing make up and jewelry to attract the attention of others? Am I vain? Do I want people to admire my beauty? Do I want to captivate other men? Am I materialistic? Am I showing off my wealth? Am I trying to make myself look better so other women will feel worse about themselves? Those are all sinful motives.

      Or, am I cherishing my femininity, trusting in Christ and seeking to honor Him with my body? Am I seeking to look modest, feminine and respectful? Am I seeking to honor my husband by looking my best and am I seeking to bless him? Is this something I can take or leave and don’t HAVE to have in order to feel secure in myself? Is this something I can do without being obsessed about it?

      Sometimes believers try to put rules on each other that are not in God’s Word. Some churches teach that make up is a sin, pants are a sin, jewelry is a sin. That can be oppressive. On the other hand, some churches become fashion competitions with women trying to outdo each other with elaborate hair, nails, makeup and expensive jewelry and clothing. That is not honoring to God at all.

      Our primary focus is to be our inward beauty – our character and the good deeds we do because we love Jesus and are so thankful for all He has done for us.

      Beauty, fashion, appearance, weight and such things can easily become idols for us if we are not careful. If we feel we MUST look a certain way or we cannot face the world or cannot be happy, that is a big red flag that there is a problem.

      I believe the real issue is our hearts on these matters. Our motives. This is something we must hammer out individually with God and with our husbands’ guidance and input.

      Much love!

      ———-
      Romans 14

      Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. 2 One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. 3 The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them. 4 Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.

      5 One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. 6 Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. 7 For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. 8 If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. 9 For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.

      10 You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister[a]? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. 11 It is written:

      “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord,
      ‘every knee will bow before me;
      every tongue will acknowledge God.’”[b]
      12 So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.

      13 Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. 14 I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean. 15 If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy someone for whom Christ died. 16 Therefore do not let what you know is good be spoken of as evil. 17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, 18 because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval.

      19 Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. 20 Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a person to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. 21 It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall.

      22 So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. 23 But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.[c]

  116. yuliya
    August 23, 2014 at 1:56 pm #

    Thank you so much for replying to my question!!! May God help you in your wonderful work that you do for Him. I understood that i need to bring this question to God. Also if you don’t mind please pray so that God would help me to submit to my husband as God wants me to.

  117. Meghan
    August 31, 2014 at 9:46 pm #

    I love your videos and blog. Me and my husband were discussing your helpful wisdom and both think you need to write a book! I would encourage you!

    • Peacefulwife
      August 31, 2014 at 10:21 pm #

      Meghan,
      Aw! Thank you so much for the encouragement!!! I actually have written my first book. I have an agent and have received 5 rejections from major publishers so far. Please pray for God to open the doors He wants me to take if He wants this book published. :)

  118. Angie Wonders Watkins
    September 7, 2014 at 12:20 am #

    April…. My sister introduced me to your blog about a year ago. I am so blessed and encouraged by what you have to say. I have referred numerous women friends to your blog. I often pray for you, thanking God for you and asking him to continue using you in a mighty way.
    I was widowed 18 years ago after being married for 16 years. I just got married again this past April….i am so happy. The principles I’ve learned about love and respect from the Eggerichs book and from your blog have been so, so helpful! Thank you! Blessings…Angie

    • Peacefulwife
      September 7, 2014 at 8:20 am #

      Angie,

      I am so happy to get to meet you!!! My heart breaks that you have experienced so much pain, being widowed so young. But how amazing that you have been able to remarry and that things are going so well! I praise God for what He has done, is doing and will do in your life! Thank you so much for sharing a bit of your story. :)

  119. Jay
    September 12, 2014 at 1:52 pm #

    April – thanks so much for your wisdom! I do feel really blessed to have “stumbled” onto your blog. I am in a two year relationship with a “good guy”…he really is. That said, I do have fear and control issues and despite my trying NOT to make marriage an idol. after reading your blog and being honest with myself – it probably is. Additionally, he and I are at the point where we need to make some real decisions about the future. I think that we have a lot to still learn, discover and grow through but he’s what I have been waiting for – a godly man, a trustworthy leader, kind, reliable, a good provider, attractive etc.

    Now for the rub – we show affect/love in completely different ways. Since we are not married I wonder if my feeling like he doesn’t love me or is not in love with me means that we are not “compatible” and should just move on (since if we were married we would work through these issues). I feel like he could love me or leave me – not because he’s trying to be mean but I just don’t see any spark from him when it comes to our spending time together or his attraction to me. Let me then add that he is consistent, does what he says he’s going to do, helpful (usually with things around my place if I let him know I have an issue), always happy to spend time with my family and guests (I love far from home and have frequent visits)…and he includes me in his family time when they come to see him. So….see, a good guy.

    But when he works like he does, lives far away (traffic is horrible so seeing each other after work is difficult), it hurts my feelings when he does not plan, or respond to my proposals for spending the weekend (or future dates/events) at all of with any enthusiasm. Each night he could spend an hour talking about work – and I do listen and find it interesting…but then…I feel like he’s being condescending when I talk about work (I have a demanding job in business as well).

    Lastly, I think the things I struggle with most (I am sure there are more than I can list)…is the idea that we are not married and so how do I know if this is a wise choice for me. I prayed and fasted for a godly man to find me – and I literally thought he was the answer for my YEARS of prayers. I fasted when we started dating b/c I wanted to make sure I was making the right decision to pursue something with him.

    I am not perfect… he is not perfect – I get that. I am trying to discern how much of being a godly wife I “practice” in the serious relationship phase (whether him or not…but in this case with him). It feels like ….well, since I don’t know where we are going – do I do the respect dare and start preparing myself in that way for someone who may not even be that interested in me? How do I put these learnings into practice when I do not see him often (and clearly not as often as I would like)…

    - I fear wasting my time
    - I fear that he doesn’t love me in the way I want to be loved but am not sure that it’s him – it could surely be my expectations about love
    - I fear embarrassment for trying to be godly and having walk over me (b/c he’s not invested – the way I think he ought to me)
    - I don’t know HOW to really really HONESTLY feel content with being HAPPY that GOD is my everything. My brain gets it…my heart gets it most days but everyday?

    ….even in writing this I see some themes – “ought, should, fear”…

    I actually did not intend to write so much but apparently I was led otherwise. I want to be a godly wife and KNOW I need guidance and practice. Is this something that I should be practicing with him – and he is someone who understands and believes in the idea of submission (as I do).

    Any counsel, ideas on resources, reading etc…is much appreciated.

    - just a single girl trying to prepare for marriage and honor the space that I am in right now

    • Peacefulwife
      September 12, 2014 at 2:10 pm #

      Jay,

      It’s great to hear from you! :)

      What is his relationship with Christ?

      You are not both going to be the same. He may have a different personality and different way of expressing affection and love – in fact – I guarantee any guy WILL have those kinds of differences. That is not necessarily a bad thing. It is something to work through, but you will have those kinds of issues with any man. It sounds like there is a lot of really great stuff about him.

      Why do you feel he is being condescending about your job?

      How does he treat your family? How does he treat waitresses and customer service clerks and animals?

      What was his parents’ marriage like?

      What was your parents’ marriage like?

      How old are each of you?

      What has he said about the future?

      Are you pressuring him about the future?

      What is your relationship with Christ like?

      I am glad that you see so much fear in your email. I think there are definitely things to prayerfully consider and priorities to look at.

      What are your expectations about love?

      What bad thing would happen if you wasted your time?

      Do you believe that God is sovereign?

      I absolutely believe you can show respect at all stages of dating and engagement and marriage.

      Submission is not a command at this point, but I think there should be a joyful willingness and trust on your part to allow him to lead.

      How do you respond when you don’t get what you want?

      What do you believe you need to have in order to be happy?

      Much love to you my precious sister! I am THRILLED that you are seeking to learn this stuff now. :)

  120. Hildah
    September 25, 2014 at 10:13 am #

    Hello.
    I am really thankful to God for u sister in Christ and your testimony and blog is a real eye opener for me.
    Being married for 4 years n being blessed wth a 1yr old son…I cn say that I hv jst started to experience my problems…
    I really thank God that I googled my problem on google and found your blog.
    My marriage will nvr be the same again coz I hve just realized that I am the root of my problems.
    I hve a very Loving, faithful, trustworthy, peaceful husband…and I just cnt get enough…it has always been about me!! I will stop idolozing my husband and try and find my own happiness.
    From today I will only worship God.
    You ard a true blessing to many marriages…I jst cant wait to shere this with my friends.
    May God richly bless you and may he do great things for u.

  121. jd
    October 5, 2014 at 7:02 am #

    April, Over 30 years married and realizing we never connected emotionally. I feel like I’ve lost who i am so have nothing to share. We are both emotionally dead now and see no hope. Any advice?

    • Peacefulwife
      October 5, 2014 at 7:17 am #

      jd,
      I am so sorry to hear that you are hurting so much!

      Why did you lose who you are?

      How is your walk with Christ?

      What is your marriage like now?

      What is your definition of connecting emotionally?

      What do you believe you need?

      What are your expectations?

      Where is your hope?

      Much love to you!!!!!! And a big hug!

  122. Kathy
    October 13, 2014 at 8:20 pm #

    I am feeling so frustrated, powerless, angry….so many things and not many of them good about my marriage right now. I feel as if my husband and I are in a cycle where he quite literally blames me for everything that is wrong in his life. There are few things I seem to do right and yet all the responsibility seems to fall on me. Which just makes me madder and more distraught at the seemingly never ending list of ways I fail…. Him, us , me , everyone. I know that I have created him as an idol. But how do I untangle myself from that? Without feeling like a terrible cold hearted person? But I can’t be responsible for his happiness can I? And if I can’t be responsible for his happiness I can’t be responsible for his unhappiness either can I? And yet because I know I have not been honest and up front with him I almost don’t feel as if I deserve even him. I’m sorry I have dumped a lot of pain on this page. Thank you for your writings. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for at least reading my words and saying a quick prayer for me.

    • Peacefulwife
      October 28, 2014 at 9:20 am #

      Kathy,

      How is your walk with Christ going, my precious sister?

      You aren’t responsible for his emotions, his happiness or his unhappiness. Check out the post “Control and Boundaries.”

      You are responsible to God for your sin, your behavior, your motives, your thoughts, your attitudes, your words and you are responsible for your emotions. Your husband is responsible for those things in his own life. He is also accountable to God to be a godly spiritual leader.

      It is handy to be able to blame someone else. We would all much rather do that than to take personal responsibility.

      It would be wonderful if you could please your husband, but that may not be possible right now with where he is spiritually. I don’t know. Does he have any addictions or mental health issues?

      My prayer is for you to seek only to please God. You can seek to love, bless and honor your husband. But you do not have to believe everything he tells you. Weigh what he says against scripture. Receive anything that aligns with God’s Word. The other stuff may be his own sin issues.

      Do you want to give an example of the things he is upset about?

      Do you have any issues like depression, ADD, learning disabilities, thyroid issues, etc?

      What was your parents’ marriage like?

      What was his parents’ marriage like?

      How do you respond when he blames you for things over which you have no control?

      Much love to you! Just found your comment in the spam folder. My apologies for not finding it sooner!

  123. aletha davis
    October 14, 2014 at 12:21 am #

    Just out of curiosity are you a Calvinist?

    • Peacefulwife
      October 14, 2014 at 7:59 am #

      Aletha Davis,

      I wouldn’t classify myself as a Calvinist or an Armenian. I believe that free will and the sovereignty of God coexist together in harmony in a way that we as humans cannot begin to fathom. :)

      • aletha davis
        October 14, 2014 at 4:26 pm #

        Just wondered so I could get a better idea of where you stood.I’m so glad I found your blog and videos they are a blessing! I also was in a very bad place as a wife (God opened my eyes)and I too have a passion to help other women.I’m praying for you and your ministry. God bless you!

        • Peacefulwife
          October 14, 2014 at 10:06 pm #

          Aletha Davis,

          I totally understand! I am very excited about what God is doing in your life. Are you interested in sharing your story? I’d love to hear it sometime if you want to share.

          Much love!

          • aletha davis
            October 15, 2014 at 8:25 am #

            I pray this brings hope to someone.my husband and i were not living for Christ when we met.we had the exact same personality we were stubborn,selfish and dominating.we had explosive physical fights….and then came the affairs.i couldnt see that i practically pushed him into the arms of another woman.he was trying to escape my daily wrath i unleashed on him because i was hurt and wanted him to hurt too.i thought i hated him but i wouldnt let him go because in some sick way if he was still there i had won.what everyone else saw as crazy became my normal.then,he got right with God and in doing so he wanted to come clean about everything hed ever done to me including a 2 year affair with a coworker.i left.for eight months i abused drugs alcohol and sex to ease my pain to no avail.during this time we were seperated but not divorced.my husband was praying i would be miserable in my sin and i was!one night in my bedroom i hit my knees and called out to God.i threw away anything in my house that was not pleasing to God and began reading my bible and praying daily.the next week my husband called..he was waiting for me!God restored my marriage.this time it was different.no cussing and screaming,no abuse,and no women.God took something so sinful and ugly and made it beautiful for His glory.today we have a street preaching ministry,a door to door soul winning ministry,and a tract ministry.we are not perfect.i am not where a wanna be but praise God im not where i used to be!Gods power is not weak,our faith is!God and one man in any situation is a majority!always remember romans 8:28!God bless!!!!!

  124. Lucy
    October 22, 2014 at 7:27 pm #

    Hi there :
    I found your blog today after praying……. Its being so hard for my husband and I and when I read how you decribed yourself before becoming a peaceful wife I enter in SHOCK I though that you were decribing ME .
    I had cryed all day feeling the pain of how disrespecful I had being toward my husband and how controling I am. So many things happened that even my husbad talked about divorce.
    I though I was the victim and I felt it every day and also tried to make my husband pay me back for his mistakes ……I always think that he is not as closed to God as he should be and try to foce him all the time to do what I want. He got enough and exploted.
    Last night I almost die from shocking with a candy and relized how fast I can be gone forever and decide to change and do only what God wants me to do…….then he put your blog in my way and I tool a boot camp of your videos. LOL God bless you! Now God will lead me as wife and my husband will see me as the wife god send for him … I declare it in Jesus Christ.

    • Peacefulwife
      October 22, 2014 at 7:40 pm #

      Lucy,
      It is such a pleasure to meet you!! Wow! I am very excited about what God is doing in your heart. This journey is very shocking and painful at first – but it is SO WORTH IT!!!! I’m right here if you want to talk. But most of all, I long for you to cling to Christ and His Word and to become the woman He desires you to be. I can’t wait to see all that He has in store!!!!!

      Much love to you!

  125. Heidi
    November 16, 2014 at 6:19 pm #

    Words cannot describe how grateful I am to God for you and this ministry. I am (with God’s guidance) at the right place to begin this journey. I have been married to my ‘passive’ hubby for 4 years and have been the dominating (horribly) disrespectful wife at times…always praying for him to change. I was looking and asking God for someone who would tell me what to do…step by step and how. He led me here one night after a horrible night of conflict and tears. I was actually angered to read about ‘submission’ because that seemed so unnatural to me. It was like a foreign language…lol. These last few months, i have submitted my pride and have asked God to reteach me His way and not the deceptive ways of the world. I just really look forward to telling my husband that he will be the most respected man I know. Thank you! I want God to change me…and my husband wants to read your husband’s blog as well, so we anticipate awesome things in the future.

    • Peacefulwife
      November 16, 2014 at 8:37 pm #

      Heidi,

      With this humble attitude and desire to learn and grow – I KNOW God is about to do BIG things in your heart and your life. And I am excited about what God will do in your husband’s life, too. WOOHOO! Yes, God’s ways go very counter to our human wisdom and our sinful flesh – but His ways are so very good.

      I can’t wait to see all that He has in store for you. Thanks for being with me on this amazing journey! The beginning can be painful. I’m right here if you want to talk. :) As you keep your focus on your walk with Christ, that is where you will have the most power, trust God to work on your husband in His own timing.

      Check out “Stages of This Journey.”

      The top of my home page is also helpful.

      And some other things to search on my home page:

      - fear
      - idol
      - idolatry
      - contentment
      - ungodly womanhood
      - godly femininity

      I also have a Youtube channel – April Cassidy – if you are interested. :)

  126. peacefulwife
    May 21, 2014 at 7:40 pm #

    M,

    Oh goodness! My precious sister!!!!!!

    God is able to bring healing. Absolutely. I pray for that for you and your marriage. I pray for God to bring your husband back to Himself.

    I know that there are women who feel that God is telling them to stay in situations like this. I am not in any position of authority or special spiritual revelation to tell you otherwise.

    My wisdom says, “Leave until he repents and is transparent and willing to leave the other woman. This is not ok!”

    But – I trust you to seek God and His wisdom and provision. I pray for your walk with Christ. I pray for healing for you.

    Being in habitual sin will cause depression. A Christian cannot live in habitual sin. I John teaches us that very clearly.

    I’m glad you are seeking God. I pray for Him to continue His good work in you.

    I don’t know that I am qualified to give you specific directions. But I am going to pray for you right now!

  127. Belgiansister
    July 15, 2014 at 8:25 am #

    Dear Eternity driven,

    My heart bleeds when I read your story. To be honest, not only for the pain I know you are going through, but also because it is my pain.
    I have been married for 10 years and since the beginning (what was I blind), my husband has been seeking contact with other women. He does not meet them in person, but mails, chats, tweets, telling them how pretty they are and all sorts of other compliments.
    I cannot explain how much it hurts every time I have to confront him with another broken promise of forswearing other women. My husband is also a porn addict and we seldom go to bed at the same time, because he “has just one more thing to do”.
    I do not need to explain how lonesome I would be in my marriage if it wasn’t for our Lord. All this is just a tip of the iceberg, but I do not want to go further into detail.

    I know my husband needs professional help (and that is taken care of), but the fact remains that I have a God given task to help him where I can even if that isn’t much.
    If I can still respect him and stay by his side, but also confront him with his sin, I know God will take care of me. I had to learn, and I’m still learning, to put aside my expectations I had about marriage.
    No man can ever love me the way I need to be loved, no man can ever protect me the way I would like and no man can ever make me feel special in the way I long for.

    Knowing that all my needs are just a prayer away allows me to love my husband and forgive him without making me feel like a martyr.
    And believe me, that’s how I felt, even up until a few months ago. I thought I had to be commended for having the strength to stay with such a man. I felt I had the right to disrespect him, belittle him and make him feel unworthy, because of all the heartbreak he caused.

    Thankfully the Lord, in all his grace, showed me the plank in my eye and little by little I am on my way to receiving forgiveness and trusting Him completely for my hope and joy.

    Please understand that my husband never intentionally hurts me and that he is in deep pain himself.
    I would never suggest to anyone to endure everything for the sake of your vows. This is just part of my walk with the father.

    Thank you April, for providing a platform where I can write this down.

    Much love and blessings from a sister in Belgium.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Biblical Submission- a Huge Key to Peace | Peacefulwife's Blog - July 26, 2013

    […] About […]

  2. My goals for 2014 and Happy New Year’s wishes. | Sunshine Mary - December 31, 2013

    […] Cultivate a respectful, submissive attitude toward your husband.  Start reading The Peaceful Wife’s blog if you are unsure about how to do […]

  3. How Disrespectful Was I? | Peacefulwife's Blog - June 13, 2014

    […] About […]

  4. What Does It Mean to Be an Ungodly Woman? | Peacefulwife's Blog - October 2, 2014

    […] About […]

You are welcome to leave constructive, edifying, respectful comments or sincere questions. I do have some restrictions on what comments I am able to accept, you may find my comment policy at the top of my home page.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 7,669 other followers

%d bloggers like this: