About

I am now a very happily married mother of two and part-time pharmacist.  I deeply desire my life to honor Christ.  I have a huge passion for marriage and want to share the things that I WISH I knew before I got married and when I was a newlywed in 1994.  Of course, many times we have to learn things the hard way - but I hope that my experiences might help you learn more quickly than I did!  I’m so glad you are here and welcome you to join me on this journey to become the wives God desires us to be. :)

WE HAD A GREAT FOUNDATION

We started dating when I was 15 and my hubby was 16.  He was my only boyfriend and we dated for 6 years before getting married.  We were both Christians, both were raised in Christian homes and both of us have parents who are still married and set good examples.  There were no major problems, abuse, addictions, threats of divorce or anything awful in our families or our own marriage.  We were committed to each other and to God.  I had quiet times every day.  We went to church every Sunday.  We loved each other.  We knew divorce wasn’t an option when things got tough.  We never even would use the word with each other.

No one should be as prepared as we were for marriage, right?

I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE WELL EVEN THOUGH I HAD READ THE BIBLE AND THOUGHT I WAS OBEYING GOD .

There were so many things about femininity, marriage, career, parenting and the roles of husbands and wives that I just accepted “as is” from our culture and never really questioned.  I thought I WAS living as a biblical wife.  I had read God’s instructions about marriage many times.  I read “wives must respect their husbands.” (Ephesians 5:33) and assumed I was doing fine with that.  I mean, I didn’t scream, cuss, call him names, destroy property or throw things.  (Well, I did throw a pair of panties at him once.  But they were CLEAN and they didn’t actually hit him.)

When my husband would very rarely insist about something, I would eventually concede to him, knowing he had God-given authority in our marriage - but only after a lot of arguing my case, trying to get him to change, and explaining how I was right and my way was much better and more biblical than his.  I was not a cheerful follower.

I thought my husband usually agreed with me and everything was fine. I would try to get my husband to lead – the way I wanted him to, of course!  I pushed him for quick decisions and would become exasperated when he didn’t know what he thought immediately like I did.  I expected him to be another ME, to think like a woman.  I didn’t realize he needed time to process what he thought and felt about big decisions and how differently his brain was wired from mine.

I often felt so lonely in our marriage, stressed, overwhelmed and worried. I constantly tried to figure out how to MAKE things happen the way I thought they should.  I carried the weight of the marriage on my shoulders and felt spiritually, emotionally and financially responsible for decisions in a lot of ways and I did not have much peace.

I was a dominant wife – a control freak.  I was the dominant identical twin growing up – so that talkative, leadership role just felt pretty normal – even though it wasn’t healthy.  It was all I knew!  I shared ALL my thoughts and feelings – holding nothing back – just like I had with my twin sister.

I was always outgoing, friendly and decisive. I became a pharmacist and that probably only increased my OCD tendencies to take over and handle things myself in our marriage, too.  I never turned off the “patient counselling” mode from work.  So I told my husband what to do – a lot.  I had always felt very overly responsible for myself and everyone around me. (I didn’t grasp God’s sovereignty very well - only my responsibility – so my trust was more in myself in many ways  than in God).

MY METHODS WORKED GREAT AT SCHOOL AND WORK

I worked HARD in school and always expected myself to make all A’s. I was a perfectionist.  I was super critical of myself and had little grace for myself - or anyone else.  I knew what I wanted and how I was going to get it. I was driven.  I was also a people pleaser and wanted everyone to be happy with me all the time.

I thought I knew best about just about everything - for myself, for my husband, for other people - and really, I thought I knew better than God even though I never consciously said that.  I thought people needed my advice and help. I was rewarded for all my efforts in school and in pharmacy with wonderful grades, full scholarships and customer service awards.  But why didn’t my winning approach work with my husband?

A PASSIVE HUSBAND

My husband tended to be quiet, calm, patient and reserved even before we married. After a rocky start our first summer of marriage with me badly spraining my lower back the week after our honeymoon, housing issues, various conflicts and job-finding problems for my husband, he became VERY withdrawn and would hardly talk at all.  He didn’t smile. He didn’t look at me.  He often wouldn’t even touch me or say good night to me that whole first summer.

I didn’t understand what happened to the guy who was so wonderful, responsible, capable  and loved me so much for the past 6 years.  He became increasingly passive and I felt that meant I “had” to take over.

The truth was that he was overwhelmed, confused, not sure what to do with me, trying to find a job to support us, trying to get a house ready for us to live in (working on it until 1am 6 nights a week with his dad for the first 3 months of our marriage after working a 40 hour/week job each day, too).  He was exhausted.  He was inexperienced as a husband.  He was inexperienced as a leader.  He had never seen me act this way.  I was hysterical for the few minutes he was with me each day.  He thought he’d leave me alone and I’d be better in a few days – that didn’t work.

We stayed together.  Things got better after the work on the house stopped.  But our unhealthy patterns took deep root.

WE WERE VERY UNPREPARED

I was extremely arrogant before we got married. I thought we wouldn’t have conflicts – that we were ABOVE the problems other couples had and that things would be the same wonderful way they had always been for the 6 years we dated.  You know, there’s a verse about that in Proverbs – “Pride comes before a fall.”   Yep.  It sure does!

Apparently, I was extremely spoiled, selfish and spiritually immature – but I didn’t know I was. I felt alone and like I had nowhere to turn or go to for wise advice.  I tried to tell my husband all the details about how awful I felt every day. I thought if he knew the depths of my pain he’d care and love me again. I felt utterly rejected and unloved.  What I didn’t realize was that I was approaching my husband very disrespectfully.

My husband really did still love me.  But we didn’t know how to handle all the crises that were happening and had no idea what the other needed.

There were MANY times that were  much better in our marriage. But FYI – house renovations and severe prolonged sleep deprivation and/or major injuries can be a BIG trigger for marriage problems!!!

HE NEEDS TO CHANGE, GOD!

For 14+ years I prayed that God would change my husband.  If HE would just be more loving and step up more as a leader – things would be great!  I didn’t see my prayers being answered.   I felt like I was trying to drag him toward God and make him be what I wanted him to be.  I was negative, critical, bossy, and condescending.  I didn’t accept my husband as he was.  I wanted him to change.  And I wanted him to do things MY way.  I was angry with God.  I was praying for God’s will!  How could He not answer me?  I didn’t realize that if I disrespected my husband’s God-given authority over me – my prayers weren’t going to be heard – especially with all my pride.

MY BLINDING LIGHT EXPERIENCE

Then I read “Love and Respect” by Dr. Eggerichs.  The “scales of disrespect” (as Dr. Eggerichs calls it) fell off of my spiritual eyes as I realized that I had actually been sabotaging our marriage. ME.  My own disrespect had forced my husband to withdraw from me to protect himself.  I felt like I was looking at a marriage report card where I had expected to get at least an A if not an A+ and I only got about a D-.  I was devastated – and repentant.

I had never realized that men needed respect the way women need love.  I thought he thought and felt like I did.  I thought that if he was hurt in our marriage, he would tell me, like I told him.  I thought his needs were identical to mine.  I thought we were the SAME.  That’s what feminism taught us, after all!

I began to understand my husband’s masculine needs and his world view.  I was shocked to discover how differently he saw the world and how differently he thought.  I discovered God’s design for marriage, for godly femininity and masculinity.

I resolved to learn everything I could about being a godly wife.  I told him in late 2008 that he was going to “feel like the most respected husband on the planet” one day.  He laughed.  In a good way.

A LONG JOURNEY

I began praying for God to change ME!  I began thanking God and my husband for the good things in him.  I truly humbled myself – by God’s grace!  And things started slowly changing.

I quit running ahead and stopped trying to take over.  I learned I DID NOT know best.  I learned my husband had valid, wise ideas that often took us to a much better place than my way would.  I learned God’s ways are so much higher than my own. I learned that husbands and God have a much different time-table from mine – and that is ok.

It took a LOT of studying, prayer and humility and the work of God’s Spirit in me. But after about 2 years respect and biblical submission was finally a habit.  I didn’t have to consciously do spiritual and emotional gymnastics all the time anymore to do the respectful and submissive thing. I also discovered God’s design for femininity and truly developed a peaceful, gentle spirit that does not give way to fear!  ME!?!?   What an amazing God we serve!

UNEXPECTED RESULTS

I was shocked when I started really obeying God that I  had so much deep, new peace unlike anything I had ever experienced and bubbling over joy every day.  I began to understand my identity as a woman in Christ.  Wow!  I felt beautiful, feminine, empowered and like I was becoming the woman I always wanted to be!  I didn’t have regrets in my marriage anymore (except for in the past).  I knew what my husband needed and I knew how to give it to him!  For many years I would BEG him to tell me what he needed and he didn’t know.  So I thought there was nothing I had to give him that would bless him.  I knew I needed his love, and I felt like he didn’t need me at all. It was SO exciting to find out I DID have valuable contributions for the marriage that would meet his masculine needs!  WOOHOO!

I LOVED learning about respect and biblical submission.  The heavy weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders.  I wasn’t afraid, anxious, worried or overwhelmed anymore.  I felt cherished, adored, loved, protected,  and enjoyed learning to rest in God’s love and my husband’s love and just be still.  My life had changed so much, I was and still am overflowing with thankfulness and praises for God!

THE BIRTH OF TWO MARRIAGE MINISTRY BLOGS

In April of 2011, my husband said, “You HAVE to share what you have learned with other wives.”  He had seen the changes last for a long time, and he knew the changes in me were here to stay.  So this January I began to blog!  I LOVE it!  I pray that God might use me to speak only His truth and that others might find hope, courage and faith by my example.

Now MY husband calls himself the “Respected Husband” and blogs about marriage!?!?!?!?  www.respectedhusband.wordpress.com  THAT BLOWS MY MIND!  I have seen God do so many miracles! Nothing is impossible with His power and our obedience!  I can’t wait to see all the God and my husband have in store!  Every day feels like such a romantic adventure – I never know what new answer to prayer or wonderful surprise awaits me from my husband and from God.

MY PRAYER FOR OTHER WIVES

I pray that you will discover your power in your marriage and how obeying God’s commands for you in the Bible is the pathway to your own fulfillment intimacy, peace, joy and romance – both with God and with your husband.  God’s design for women and men in marriage is beautiful!   His ways are BEST!  They are so much better than our own. We are different by His divine design to complement each other.  God’s commands bring freedom and joy.  The Bible is extremely relevant to us today. I pray that you might find the same joy, peace, sense of purpose and fulfillment in your spiritual walk with Christ and with your husband that I have found!

JESUS IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!  7 minute video

PS:

This blog will be most relatable for wives who tend to be strong willed/in charge whose husbands are passive.

If your husband is controlling or you are more passive – many things I talk about will still apply (God’s Word always applies)- but you may have to approach some of the practical issues from a different angle.  This blog may not be as helpful for you.

If you are in a marriage with severe problems – infidelity, abuse, uncontrolled mental health issues, active addictions – please do not read my blog, but seek godly, experienced help ASAP!!!!!

I only write for wives – I don’t write for husbands. A husband cannot force his wife to respect him and submit to him. She must do this willingly and voluntarily out of her love and respect and obedience to Christ.

193 Comments on “About”

  1. joleneengle
    April 2, 2012 at 10:34 pm #

    April,
    What a beautiful testimony about how God has worked in you and through your marriage! I loved reading your comment on my site about how your husband has a blog called the Respected Husband. My email address for the last 14 yrs. (since we got married) has been respectyourhusband@…..
    When I set up my account I did not have to worry about anyone having THAT address! So good to meet you!
    ~jolene

    • Christine
      August 26, 2013 at 4:56 pm #

      Dearest April,
      I’ve just begun watching your videos this past week and I play them consecutively though out the house directly after my worship time. You don’t know how much you’ve helped me grow into a peaceful wife, the fruit you are producing must be uncountable, and god surely is using you as his tool to sharpen many women’s lives all over the world. I am jumping into the timeline of your videos, and your blog to get as much info as possible. I see so many wives in leadership who could benefit from your videos as well. I see an image of you on the screen and also see myself in you (hopefully God does the same work in me as he has in you). Thank you for being a FAITHFUL wife, not just a peaceful one.
      Warmly,
      Christine Varichak

      • peacefulwife
        August 27, 2013 at 6:24 am #

        Christine,

        I’m so thankful that God is working in your life! And what an answer to prayer that He is able to use me to be a small part of that. :)

        God changed me so much – I just can’t keep these treasures to myself!!!

        I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for you life, too. I appreciate the encouragement!

        • Jackie Tshabhalala
          January 29, 2014 at 1:35 am #

          Good day
          i just discoverd your site today and i need you to pray with me as i feel most of the problems other wives have are similar to what i am experiencing in my marriage.

  2. Joanna Aislinn
    April 29, 2012 at 9:56 pm #

    This looks like an awesome blog, April. Thanks so much for stopping by mine!

  3. SJBeals
    May 1, 2012 at 11:00 am #

    Loved “meeting” you today. Great articles on respecting your husband. God bless you!

  4. From The Pews
    May 17, 2012 at 10:44 am #

    ” I learned God’s ways are so much higher than my own. I learned that husbands and God have a much different time-table from mine – and that is ok.”

    This line was the MOST Powerful…at least for me.

    Thank you for having the COURAGE and Willingness to Share.

    God Love You ♥

    • peacefulwife
      May 17, 2012 at 10:59 am #

      From the Pews,
      You are welcome! I have done a LOT of learning the past 3.5 years specifically. And now I can actually be still and wait on God and be still and wait on my husband. It’s SO freeing! Some of the stuff I share is definitely DIFFICULT. But I pray that God might somehow use my mistakes and sinful pride to help other women grow closer to Him and to their husbands!

      • Marlena
        October 3, 2013 at 7:43 am #

        i actually found it difficult to be still and wait…. and many things happen daily that makes my husband and me far away from each other… pls, can i have your email address? i would love to write to u personally…

        • peacefulwife
          October 3, 2013 at 7:50 am #

          Marlena,
          We ALL find it difficult to be still and wait! I don’t know anyone who naturally likes to wait.

          Of course you can email me. :) aprilc@sc.rr.com

  5. Melody
    May 17, 2012 at 4:38 pm #

    Thanks for stopping by and liking my post as it led me back to you. What an incredible journey you two have taken. I’m eager to read more from your archives as I see similar vignettes in our marriage. Thanks for sharing your experiences!

    • peacefulwife
      May 17, 2012 at 5:57 pm #

      Melody,
      You are more than welcome! I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for you and your marriage!!! It’s such an exciting adventure! You are in my prayers!

  6. naeliz04
    May 19, 2012 at 9:55 am #

    I think you would really enjoy reading Finding the Hero in your Husband by Julianne Slaghtery…It is also really good…I loved the Love and Respect book and conference. Such a life changing experience :D SO excited to get to know you better :D

    • peacefulwife
      May 19, 2012 at 10:13 am #

      Naelize04,
      I love that book!!!!! Thanks for the great recommendation! I look forward to learning more about your story, too! Praying for God to blaze brightly in your marriage!

  7. Adam's Eve
    May 19, 2012 at 11:30 am #

    I’m nominating you for the Versatile Blogger Award! Thank you for your ministry! I love your blog! http://becominghiseve.wordpress.com/2012/05/19/the-versatile-blogger-award/

  8. gpscribe
    May 19, 2012 at 1:08 pm #

    Wow! It is so encouraging to read your story. Thank you for sharing it! You speak truth so gracefully. Going against the flow of the culture we live in is no walk in the park – thank you for sharing your peaceful & truthful perspective. I look forward to reading your posts and gaining strength from them.

  9. A Woman and Her Pen!
    May 19, 2012 at 1:36 pm #

    I was sooooooooooooooooo blessed by this!

  10. the crunchy christian
    May 21, 2012 at 10:25 pm #

    I decided to check out your blog after seeing you liked the “ABCs”. Now that I know your story, I really have to recommend the book I quoted: ‘Created to Be His Help Meet’ by Debi Pearl. It sounds right up your alley and I really appreciated it. :)

    • peacefulwife
      May 21, 2012 at 10:53 pm #

      The crunchy Christian,
      Thanks! I have got to check that book out! I appreciate your recommendation very much. :)

      It’s wonderful to meet you!

  11. fivereflections
    May 23, 2012 at 11:43 pm #

    hello nice to meet you
    David in Maine USA

  12. Dawn Wilson
    May 29, 2012 at 1:13 pm #

    I hope you will not be put off by this question, but can you tell me ~ are you an evangelical Christ-follower? Mormon? Another persuasion?

    I love your posts, and truth is truth (and you seem to have a strong evangelical, biblical worldview), but I need to know your religious bent so I can consider whether I can recommend your website to others and/or quote you.

    • peacefulwife
      May 29, 2012 at 1:54 pm #

      Dawn, I am so sorry if this isn’t obvious. I definitely don’t intend to hide the fact that I am a Christian. I believe we have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God. I believe the Bible is the inspired, inerrant Word of God and that Jesus graciously provides the only available path to a relationship with the one and only God. I believe salvation is by faith and that faith involves committing ourselves as completely to Christ as He committed Himself to us. He is my Lord not just my Savior. It is only by the power of His Spirit working in me that I am able to do anything good in His eyes. Thanks for the question!

      Sent from my iPhone

  13. katharinetrauger
    June 2, 2012 at 10:51 am #

    Hello-o-o-o! Thanks for the “like” at my site! (TheConqueringMom.com)
    I am extremely excited to find you. I hope we can develop a mutual relationship based on blogging on the same topic.
    I love the excitement you add to the mixture, and rejoice to see you walk in this new-found joy AFTER many years of marriage. I value your emphasis on HOW to achieve this state, whereas my emphasis is just on WHAT the goal should be. I need a dose of excitement after 43 years of marriage. Ha! ;-)
    You are such a good communicator, too, clearly and engagingly writing what could be a dreadful message to some.
    Thanks for minding your husband about starting a blog.
    I’ll be sending people here — the ones who start crying after I try to help them! :-D

  14. dianewilkie
    June 3, 2012 at 2:54 pm #

    Dear April,
    This site is a major blessing to me and very wholesome and helpful. So if its alright with you I am nominating you for the versatile blogger award. Please check it out at the versatilebloggeraward.wordpress.com

  15. dianewilkie
    June 3, 2012 at 3:03 pm #

    Hi April,
    I have found your site to be a wholesome blessing! I am therefore nominating you for the versatile blogger award. For details please see: theversatilebloggeraward.wordpress.com

    Many blessings!

    Love Diane

  16. sheismrsbeasley
    June 5, 2012 at 12:47 am #

    Thank you so much for stopping by my blog. What a great testimony you have! I have such a desire to use writing to glorify Him and give others hope. I can definitely see how your ministry here is doing that. So nice to “meet” others using their story to help others deepen their walk.

    • peacefulwife
      June 5, 2012 at 7:10 pm #

      Sheismrsbeasley,
      I, too have a huge heart for Christ and for marriage. I pray God might speak through me! Thanks for visiting my blog! I pray God might use you to shine brightly for His glory!

  17. rslavoie
    June 6, 2012 at 12:22 pm #

    Thanks for stopping by lifeinjoyfuljuxtaposition! It’s always a blessing to come across sisters in Christ who are using their blogs to encourage and equip others :) May God richly bless your efforts and your marriage!

  18. Wayne Augden
    June 12, 2012 at 8:27 am #

    I’m so glad you visited my blog, otherwise I would never have had the opportunity to read your wonderful testimony of what God has done for you and your marriage. Praise Him for His wonderful works. In Christ, Wayne

  19. theonlyoption
    June 12, 2012 at 3:32 pm #

    Our marriage story is sooo similar only we were unsaved and it was when our marriage was headed toward divorce that my husband was saved and surrendered our marriage to God. Our marriage was restored and I too became born again during that time. We live in a military community filled with young wives who have no idea how to respect and honor their husbands just was I didn’t at their age. I receive unspeakable joy in ministering to them and seeing the lightbulb go off when they get it and they choose to love their husbands the way God intended. We do the “Love and Respect” small group for couples most semesters and the book “The Excellent Wife” as a women’s group. I will definitely recommend your blog to these precious young wives. Thank you for sharing :)

    • peacefulwife
      June 12, 2012 at 7:09 pm #

      theonlyoption,
      I am thrilled to hear about all that God has done in your life, your husband’s life and your marriage! Congratulations and PRAISE GOD! And I am so excited that you are sharing this incredibly powerful and freeing information with other young wives. This is some EXTREMELY difficult stuff for women to swallow at first sometimes, but WOW! It sure works! I’m very pleased for you to share my blog with the precious wives you work with. You are very welcome!

  20. DM
    June 13, 2012 at 5:08 pm #

    We attended the Love and respect seminar live several years ago now..God used it to take a pretty good marriage to the next level. We still talk about the “crazy cycle” and the energy cycle in our relationship. we’ve been married 33 yrs this past april..My wife is still my best friend and there is a lot of energy in our marriage. I’m excited for you as a couple that God has blessed the two of you as well. DM

    • peacefulwife
      June 13, 2012 at 6:55 pm #

      Thanks so much for sharing your story, too! Praise God He can teach us, change us and grow us!

  21. Debbie
    June 13, 2012 at 10:07 pm #

    Thank you for noticing and liking a post on Shadows. I really like where you are going with your blog!

    • peacefulwife
      June 14, 2012 at 8:27 am #

      Thanks, Debbie! It’s great to “meet” you!

  22. Kim
    June 13, 2012 at 11:17 pm #

    Hi April………thanks for visiting my blog “Unwalled” and liking my post re: ten tips to help protect you marriage against adultery. I am happy that I visited your blog……..your testimony is very inspiring and a blessing; thanks for sharing it. Continue to be a light in a world so often filled with darkness………All the best……..Kim

    • peacefulwife
      June 14, 2012 at 8:28 am #

      Kim – it’s wonderful to see women standing for marriage and willing to honor God and their husbands! Thank you for what you are doing!

  23. 8 kids and a business
    June 15, 2012 at 9:14 am #

    Hello and thanks for liking “What Kind Of Man Has Eight Kids” over on my blog. What a wonderful blog you have!

    • peacefulwife
      June 15, 2012 at 10:49 pm #

      You’re welcome and thank you VERY much!!!!! :) Great to “meet” you!

  24. WHeinemann
    June 16, 2012 at 9:05 pm #

    I have nominated you for “One Lovely Blog Award”! Here’s the link: http://encourageoneanotherdailyblog.wordpress.com/2012/06/16/one-lovely-blog-award/ Congrats! And thanks for sharing your words!

  25. Lilee
    June 18, 2012 at 10:01 am #

    I have nominated you for the Sister Of World Bloggers Award. Please go to my blog http://myhappydance.wordpress.com/2012/06/18/sisterhood-of-the-world-blogger-award/ to get information to add your award to your blog. :)

  26. nickybw
    June 27, 2012 at 11:26 am #

    Glad you stopped by, check out my recent article on submission, a little different from yours but I think you’ll like it. I loved reading many of your articles. It’s lovely to see a marriage blossom and grow and please keep keeping it real, it’s a learning curve.

  27. admoran
    June 29, 2012 at 10:45 pm #

    Hi there! We are on the same journey, it seems! I have spent too much of my (FANTASTIC MARRIAGE) being a dominant wife who inadvertently disrespected her husband. I am learning what it truly means to position myself under the covering and authority of my husband, and, WOW, what an awesome place to be!! I look forward to reading your blogs!

    • peacefulwife
      June 29, 2012 at 11:12 pm #

      Admoran,
      I am SO excited for you! This is the most amazing journey ever! I LOVE being under my husband’s authority and covering. I feel so safe, cherished, loved, adored and protected these days. And so peaceful. I can’t wait to hear more about your story and to see all that God has in store for us, our faith, our husbands and our marriages! Thanks so much for your comments and encouragement!

  28. Arlene F. Britt
    June 30, 2012 at 9:28 pm #

    Awesome testimony! I’ll be back! God bless you and your honey. :)

    • peacefulwife
      June 30, 2012 at 9:56 pm #

      Arlene,
      Thanks so much! It’s great to meet you! Looking forward to getting to know you better.

  29. Diva's in Christ
    July 7, 2012 at 5:38 pm #

    awesome blog.

  30. Charity G
    July 20, 2012 at 2:32 pm #

    Seems that I have also nominated you for the Sisterhood of the World Blogger’s Award. http://watmattersmost.wordpress.com/2012/07/20/sisterhood-of-the-world-bloggers-award/. Thank you for building my faith and comforting my heart with your words.

    • peacefulwife
      July 20, 2012 at 3:09 pm #

      Thank you for the kind words!!! I pray your marriage and faith might greatly honor Christ!

      • Charity G
        July 20, 2012 at 6:23 pm #

        You are welcome and thank you for teaching the truths we need to hear.

  31. Jeannie Davis
    July 23, 2012 at 11:12 am #

    Hey there! It’s me again…..your friendly blog post stealer! I just wanted to let you know that I am trying to get caught up on some blogs and I am going to use some of your posts to get that accomplished. I know you gave me permission before but I just wanted to let you know I am thieving again. LOL

    In His service,
    Jeannie

  32. rslavoie
    July 23, 2012 at 4:00 pm #

    Hello there! :) I realize you were JUST nominated for this by Charity, but if you read my blogpost you’ll understand why you’re being nominated again for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award.

    Obviously there is no need to accept the same award twice but I just wanted to acknowledge the great blessing you have been! I’m beginning to realize there are so many bloggers I have yet to connect with since receiving this award so I’m grateful and excited to discover even more connections with fellow sisters in Christ.

    I hope you continue to be blessed and amazed by our faithful Lord and Savior.

    • peacefulwife
      July 27, 2012 at 9:23 pm #

      lifeinjoyfuljuxtaposition,
      THank you! I pray that God might be greatly glorified through all that I do and say and I pray He might use you to bless many marriages as well!

      • Kay
        August 22, 2013 at 10:43 am #

        You really should read “When Words Hurt” by RBC Ministries. (http://discoveryseries.org/discovery-series/when-words-hurt/) Some of the ‘advice’ you are giving could be very dangerous and damaging to many (myself included!).

        • peacefulwife
          August 22, 2013 at 11:08 am #

          Kay,

          I am so glad to hear from you!

          If I am not representing God’s Word accurately, or if I am sinning against you in some way – I definitely want to know about it. Would you please share the issues that you have so that I may consider them?

          My desire is to edify and build up my sisters in Christ, to point them to Christ and to His Word and to exalt God and His design for marriage. It is not at all my desire or intention to destroy.

          Thank you very much!

          In Christ,
          April

        • peacefulwife
          August 23, 2013 at 9:26 pm #

          Kay,
          If you would prefer to email me privately. You are always welcome to. aprilc@sc.rr.com. :)

          • Tanya
            April 4, 2014 at 2:54 am #

            I learned a lot and agree with everything you said on your videos! May God bless you and continue to use you for ministering other ladies like me! You’re a blessing!

            • peacefulwife
              April 4, 2014 at 6:56 am #

              Tanya,
              Thanks so much! I’m glad this was a blessing to you. :)

  33. Adria
    July 26, 2012 at 1:13 am #

    Wow! A friend sent me this blog… it’s exactly the kind of testimony I needed to hear. Even Godly women have told me that I should confront my husband and make him understand he has a responsibility to me that he isn’t fulfilling. I haven’t felt like that idea sat quite right with my soul and sure enough it does not say anything like that in the Bible. I believe God truly used this to teach me tonight. Thank you for following God in such a way that only the Holy Spirit can explain your change, it makes your testimony a tool for God. Praise him!!!

    • peacefulwife
      July 26, 2012 at 7:59 pm #

      Adria,
      I am so glad to hear that you are encouraged. Don’t hestitate to ask me questions or contact me if you have concerns! May God richly bless your marriage!

  34. Jerilyn Willie
    August 1, 2012 at 9:44 pm #

    I would love to subscribe to your blog but for some reason the RSS link isn’t working for me to access using my phone! Please add my email to the subscription list! Thank you in advance! Jeri83839@yahoo.com

  35. Kim in NC
    August 2, 2012 at 9:16 pm #

    I really loved your post on To Love Honor and Vacumn. What a blessing. So here I am on your blog and I signed up to get it when you right.
    Thanks again for sharing your journey.
    God Bless,
    Kim in NC

    • peacefulwife
      August 2, 2012 at 9:51 pm #

      Thanks for the kind words, Kim! Welcome to Peacefulwife! I pray that God might richly bless your marriage and your walk with Christ. Let me know if you have any questions, concerns or issues you’d like me to address!

  36. amberdover
    August 7, 2012 at 12:46 am #

    I am so excited about you and your husband’s blogs. I can’t wait to dive in. I’ve read so many marriage books and often I’ve thought that I was a respectful wife but I can be really controlling. My hubby is such a sweet guy. He is a disabled vet and has some PTSD issues. I’ve had a hard time dealing with how war changed him and also how it affects his relationship with our little boy. Sometimes I feel like I have to choose sides or play referee. It makes me so sad because I don’t want my son to grow up disrespecting my hubby……but I also don’t want my hubby to hurt my son’s little spirit. I really don’t know what to do. I’m not sure when to step in and when to keep silent. It’s been a huge battle and I pray this blog helps me. I know the verses about submission and I’ve read the books…….I just don’t know how to apply them in every day situations. I’m so glad you give examples. God bless! ~Amber D.

    • peacefulwife
      August 7, 2012 at 10:02 pm #

      Amber,
      It’s great to hear from you!!

      The PTSD and disability do complicate things in your situation.

      But I think your overall method of handling this will be similar to normal.

      If you think he is being too harsh – you tell him later in private in a gentle whisper – “Thank you for your influence on our son. I’m SO glad he has you in his life and that you are so involved. I feel worried sometimes when I hear you yell at him. I worry that the words and volume might be too harsh. But I trust you to do what you believe is best in God’s sight for our little boy. I trust you to do the right thing.” And then leave it.

      If your husband is just being kind of harsh, but not abusing him physically or cussing at him or sinning against your son – I would try as much as possible to stand with your husband and say, “You heard Daddy, please pick up your toys.” “Please speak respectfully to Daddy.”

      Almost all moms think their husbands are too harsh with their children. But God gave children Daddys because children need both influences. And if it were up to moms, we’d have some seriously messed up kids! They need the harsher, stricter Daddy thing sometimes. Even though it is scary for mamas.

      But you can tell him you want him to be more calm or use a softer voice or something BRIEFLY and then express your faith in him to do what is right.

      What do you think? Any other issues or concerns?

      With much love, dear sister in Christ!

      • amberdover
        August 8, 2012 at 5:10 pm #

        Thank you so much for replying :). This helps a lot. Sometimes I remember to talk to him in a different room and sometimes I blurt things out. Today I goofed and had to apologize to both father and son. It wasn’t a parenting thing though. We did have a situation where my hubby was trying to help with school (I homeschool) and he told my son if he got up again then he’d fail him. I probably spoke up at the wrong time but I suggested he discipline him another way. I don’t do grades the regular way. Our son is 6 and doing second grade. He’s way ahead so if he “fails” a test that means we have to review that weeks material all over again. So far no fails and barely any B’s. The tests are just to see if he knows the material. Failing doesn’t really mean anything to him but taking away the tv would for sure etc.. I really should have said that to my hubby in private. I didn’t have a mean tone and the hubby was understanding. It just seems like this happens a lot. My hubby accidentally dishes out a punishment that punishes me too or is extreme. He usually admits he just did it in anger or without thinking. I’m sure talking to him in another room would be more respectful and I’ve done that before. But I also don’t want him to feel like he’s being reprimanded all the time. It’s hard to stay silent when it involves school though…..since my hubby is rarely around then to know how things run. I call him the principle lol. He generally doesn’t like to help with teaching etc…We have had “meetings” where I show him what I’m teaching but he tends to get bored quickly. On a positive note, my hubby reprimanded our son in a harsher tone than I’d like yesterday and today…and I didn’t say anything. That probably surprised our son. I don’t want him to think we’re ganging up on Daddy or that Daddy is the bad guy. God bless and love, Amber D.

        • peacefulwife
          August 8, 2012 at 9:35 pm #

          Amberdover,
          I am really proud of you for catching yourself and for apologizing to your husband AND your son. That is REALLY important so that your son begins to learn to respect his dad (and you!), too. Your son will model respect for God-given authority by your tone of voice, attitude, word choices and behavior to your husband. Scary, I know!
          I was so shocked when I started modeling respect that my children IMMEDIATELY began copying my tone of voice and words and attitude. Wow. Talk about accountability!
          I like the idea of talking to your husband in private. But I am proud of you for watching your tone of voice. I wonder if there is a signal you could agree on some time that would help him decide if he wanted to rethink a consequence? (you scratching your head and winking at him/smiling at him or something?)

          If you want to say something later to your hubby about that you thought he was too harsh – you could – if you do it very respectfully and only once. But letting it go is also fine. I’m proud of you for not undermining your husband’s authority those times. Great job!

          • amberdover
            August 8, 2012 at 10:09 pm #

            Thank you :) Yeah, I’m just learning. I have good and bad days. I appreciate the ideas. I’ve been catching myself a lot and it’s been a struggle. Sometimes I want to say “God, are you kidding me? Not right now….do I really have to do this?”. I know that sounds horrible. My Dad and Grandma used to fuss a lot (though they loved each other to pieces). I remember always hearing my Dad say to her “If you want respect you have to earn it”. I’m trying to let go of that mindset. Btw, my Dad isn’t alive anymore. I’m sure at the end of his life he would’ve changed things if he could. My grandma took care of him before I took over. So no dishonor to his memory :). Sometimes I think I expect too much of my hubby.

            Next up is finances. I made a comment about finances somewhere else on here I think. I asked my hubby if he thought he should do finances and he said he will try it out in September and see how it goes. I’m super nervous and I told him so…even told him my fears (apologizing for them as well). This is probably the scariest part of all this…..we will see what happens…..
            God bless and thanks for encouraging all of us fellow wives! ~Amber D.

  37. David Berg
    August 20, 2012 at 1:36 pm #

    Wow, if you never wrote another thing just this would be profound. Thank you for your honesty and transparancy. May God bless many through your ministry partnership with your husband.

    • peacefulwife
      August 20, 2012 at 5:10 pm #

      David,
      Thank you so much! I REALLY hate writing about the “before” – but I believe that God desires to bring glory to Himself through the miracles He did in my heart. I pray that many wives might find the path to God’s greatest blessings in marriage by reading about what He did for me.
      I appreciate your encouragement so much!

  38. David J.
    August 29, 2012 at 3:31 pm #

    God bless you. May your tribe increase. Too late for me and my wife. Her contempt for me grew to the point that she divorced me last year after 29 years and 4 kids. Now she is rushing into a new marriage, thinking that she will respect the new guy more because he is more externally spiritual (despite two previous divorces). I wish she had seen your blog before blowing up our family.

  39. peacefulwife
    August 29, 2012 at 4:15 pm #

    David J.,
    I am SO sorry!!!! My heart breaks for you and your family. One of the things I hear wives say so often is, “If I had a decent husband, I would respect him.” I completely disagree. Yes, husbands sin. Some worse than others. But our husbands’ sin only reveals what is in our heart – that I am controlled by my own sinful nature if I react with disrespect. And if I am disrespectful to my current husband, I will be disrespectful to any other husband – because that is what is in my soul. If I am filled with God’s Spirit and respect my husband now, then I would also respect another husband (if I were widowed and remarried). We as women have much to learn. I pray God might use me to reach many wives before they get to the point your wife did. Thank you for your comment. I hope to hear more from you.

  40. almarimom
    September 6, 2012 at 12:29 am #

    Hi Peaceful wife,
    I’ve read your blog a few times but just read your testimony. I wanted to say “thanks” for sharing your story. May I add please don’t apologize for sharing the “before”. I think to many Christians hide behind the “i’m perfect and I don’t sin mask” that hinders others from deliverance. Your transparency shows others that no matter how low you are God can dig way down and lift you up. He is no respector of persons. If more Christians would be transparent I believe more sinners would surrender their lives to Christ.
    It’s funny well not really God has a sense of humor. I’m newly divorced after 10 years of marriage. I was at the point of giving up my stand for a restored marriage. I have this very book you mentioned “Love and Respect”. Our story was very much like yours.

    I tried to read it when my husband first left our family and just couldn’t it was so painful. But that was 2 years ago. After reading your testimony and being in a better place spiritually I think I can read the book now and be better able to receive it. Thanks again!

    May you continue to allow God to use you for His glory. Blessings to you and your family,

    Almarimom

  41. justme143
    September 17, 2012 at 5:43 am #

    You have been nominated for an award… Please go here for details…
    http://lisalaliberte143.wordpress.com/2012/09/17/thanks-for-the-award/
    Congratulations!

  42. Lyn Leahz
    September 20, 2012 at 8:29 am #

    Hey, I apologize, I didn’t know where else to put these..but I came across some articles that you would really be interested in:

    http://lynleahz.com/2012/09/06/jesus-is-more-pleasurable-than-pornography/

    http://lynleahz.com/2012/09/06/better-to-marry-than-to-burn/

    http://lynleahz.com/2012/09/06/look-where-the-soul-goes-during-sex/

    They’re Christian articles on sex and marriage…I hope you enjoy them, and God bless you for all of the work you do for our heavenly Father! God bless you!

  43. joyfullysubmitted
    October 6, 2012 at 10:02 pm #

    There are so many things on this page alone that made my heart jump when read, so I will just copy and paste your own words and send them back to you from me…” I have a huge passion for marriage and want to share the things that I WISH I knew before I got married and when I was a newlywed 18 years ago. Of course, many times we have to learn things the hard way – but I hope that my experiences might help you learn more quickly than I did! We were committed to each other and to God. I had quiet times every day. We went to church every Sunday. We loved each other. We knew divorce wasn’t an option when things got tough. We never even would use the word with each other.I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE WELL EVEN THOUGH I HAD READ THE BIBLE AND THOUGHT I WAS OBEYING GOD .
    There were so many things about femininity, marriage, career, parenting and the roles of husbands and wives that I just accepted “as is” from our culture and never really questioned. I thought I WAS living as a biblical wife. I had read God’s instructions about marriage many times. I read “wives must respect their husbands.” (Ephesians 5:33) and assumed I was doing fine with that. …My husband tended to be quiet, calm, patient and reserved even before we married.” and it goes on…. and this was just the beginning :D thank you for your willingness to b transparent… this is what leaving a legacy of godliness for women looks loke :D

    • peacefulwife
      October 7, 2012 at 3:09 pm #

      That is SO neat! Thanks, joyfullysubmitted!

  44. Kristie
    October 24, 2012 at 11:45 am #

    Hi, April! I have been browsing your blog for a couple of months now without commiting to becoming a respectful and “peaceful” wife. I realized the first time I read from your website what my problem was but felt so overwhelmed and doubtful that I could change. Well, I think today is the day I commit to trusting God and His plan for my marriage. I love my husband so much and have for 22 years. We have gone through so much together including drug and alcohol addiction (mine) and infertility for 18 years. We now have 2 beautiful children, 3 & 4 years old only by God’s mercy and grace! My husband has been my rock but I have slowly been chiseling away at his support and empathy for all of these years. He now has a wall of protection up that has been very difficult to penetrate even in the best of times. He needs a “peaceful wife” as God intended. And, I need the peace and comfort that comes from that. We are both Christians and would not attempt to begin this process without the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Thank you for what you are doing. You are helping families stay together. Please pray for us as we learn to follow God’s wonderful plan for marriage as it should be.
    Thankfully,
    Kristie

  45. Daniel
    October 25, 2012 at 1:25 am #

    I grew up with what I have always believed to be a “unique” perspective of love and marriage – at least unique compared to what most of my male friends expressed. As a young boy, daydreaming of a white wedding seemed a bit different from what others were experiencing. One of the deepest longings I had from about the age of 6 was to meet my future wife then and spend the rest of our days on this Earth together . . . you know . . . happily ever after. The thought of more than one mate was not at all appealing to me. As it turns out, the path I ultimately chose was a bit different.

    I am now approaching my 7th anniversary with my second wife and I’m the proud father of three amazing children (one from my first marriage and two from my current). Unfortunately, talk of divorce is not uncommon in our marriage. I do not consider it an option (even though I left my first wife) and I learned in my first marriage not to even utter the word but my wife seems to think it is something to consider or at least threaten when times get tough.

    I would like to communicate clearly that I love my wife deeply. I am head over heels for her and count myself blessed to be her husband. I know God has forgiven me for the mistakes I made in my first marriage and I know I still have a lot of work to do. I do believe however that this issue of respect is a major stumbling block for us.

    I believe as a Christian it would be almost impossible to deny that most males and females in this country have absolutely no concept of what it means to be men and women much less what it means to love and respect one another. The theories for the demise of the western family are numerous, but I’m writing here to plead with any of you to please pray first and foremost for our family and secondly to help me deal with what I see as a total lack of respect from her.

    I know I am not supposed to try to change her, but I am so hurt by her actions and sometimes feel that I just cannot deal with the pain for one more moment.

    What can I do other than put God first, be thankful for what I have, and work on becoming the best husband I can be? Especially when I feel like my wife’s constant disrespect is stealing our peace and setting a dangerous example for our children.

    Any Biblical / Christian advice will be greatly appreciated!

    • peacefulwife
      October 25, 2012 at 6:41 am #

      Daniel,
      YOu are welcome to email my husband and me at aprilc@sc.rr.com or message me on my Peacefulwife Blog FB page. There are MANY, MANY husbands in your situation, and precious few resources available.

      My husband has several posts about this for men on his site, http://www.respectedhusband.wordpress.com.

      And I have several posts written by men for men on my site if you look under “For Husbands” category.

      But I will be glad to pray for y’all. We know several husbands working through this process right now. And I can email you the things that have been helpful for them.

      You will also find some resources on my FB page.

      Lord,
      I lift up Daniel and his wife and family to You. Thank You for Daniel’s desire to lead his wife and love her as Christ loves the church. Thank You for his desire to have a godly marriage. I pray that You might convict him of any thing he might be doing that is coming across unlovingly to his wife that You desire him to change. I pray for him to be able to lay down all his bitterness, anger, unforgiveness and pain at the foot of Your cross – so that You might fill him with Your Spirit and wisdom to lead and love this family well. He can see problems that need to be addressed. I pray You’ll give him wisdom to handle those things and to speak the truth IN LOVE at the right time and in the right way. Give him Your strength to be the godly man You desire him to be and let him seek to know and love You above all and to be completely yielded and submitted to You so that he might be able to lead well. Help his wife see that she can trust him and that she is safe. Help her to see any idols in her life, control, her husband, herself, her own will – and let her find conviction. Tear down every stronghold of Satan in this family and let this marriage be rebuilt on Your design. Let this husband and wife be known for their love and respect for one another and for his godly leadership and her joyful cooperation and support of his leadership. Let peace reign beautifully in this family.
      In the Name and power of Christ,
      Amen!

  46. whyilovetina
    December 12, 2012 at 8:37 am #

    A dude in my men’s group just suggested Love and Respect. Seeing two references in two days appears to be confirmation that maybe I should give it a shot. He suggested we read it as a couple. Also glad to see the link to your husband’s blog. Thanks!

    • peacefulwife
      December 12, 2012 at 1:46 pm #

      You are very welcome!

      Let me know what you think of the book!

  47. Nice guy :)
    December 15, 2012 at 5:16 pm #

    I came across your videos on youtube today. They are biblically correct and I was astonished to hear them come from a woman because that is so rare!

    I think women need to hear this coming from a woman because when I talk about these things, they seem to hate hearing it.

    Well done!

    I hope I can find someone who has the same opinions you do.

    • Nice guy :)
      December 15, 2012 at 5:18 pm #

      P.S. I will need to show this to some friends. You really hit the nail on the head.

      May God bless you in your work. :)

      • peacefulwife
        December 15, 2012 at 5:31 pm #

        Nice Guy,
        I appreciate your encouragement! It is my whole-hearted desire to honor God and His Word and not to do anything that is not in line with scripture.

        The women of our generation have been so blinded and robbed of what is truly good about femininity and marriage. I pray that God might use me to be a Titus 2:2-5 wife to teach younger wives what is good.

        I have a blog for single women, too – I desire to see young CHristian women learn this stuff BEFORE they get married! How I WISH I understood this stuff 18 years ago! http://www.peacefulsinglegirl.wordpress.com

    • peacefulwife
      December 15, 2012 at 8:02 pm #

      PS-
      I agree that women need to hear these things from wives who have been “in the trenches” and who can attest to the joy and peace of doing things God’s way and walking in obedience to Him. You’re right , it is extremely difficult for women to hear these truths from men. Even hearing about respect and submission from another woman can cause many women today to react in extreme anger. But it is the path to intimacy in marriage and intimacy with God. I NEVER want to go back to my old ways!!

  48. Nice guy :)
    December 17, 2012 at 7:01 pm #

    Amen to that! It takes a spiritual woman in my opinion to submit herself, it can’t be easy especially if your husband isn’t smart etc. You can still advise him etc but always must allow his to have his place as head. I wish your content was more widely known. I for one will be telling some people I know about your videos and blog.

    I for one appreciate what your doing because this is my fear when entering into a marriage!

    • peacefulwife
      December 17, 2012 at 8:54 pm #

      Nice Guy,
      All husbands are wretched sinners – so that does make it REALLY terrifying sometimes to submit to them! The key is to realize that I am submitting to Christ, not my husband – ultimately. To completely trust a human man without knowing the sovereignty of God is behind his authority is spiritual and emotional suicide. The real question I had to answer for myself was whether God was truly big enough and sovereign “enough” to lead me through my sinful man. I think that is the ultimate test of every Christian wife’s faith. And thankfully – YES! He IS big enough to do that!

      Of course, all wives are also wretched sinners – and most have quite a tendency to want to control things themselves – out of fear, extreme pride (thinking we are “right” about every single issue) and many times idolatry and ungodly programming growing up. I think that your concern is valid -particularly in our culture. There is a famine of respect for all God-given authority in our culture – and even women who WANT to learn to respect and submit have precious few examples – and most have no idea what respect actually means to a man. It is like learning a foreign language if a woman didn’t grow up watching a godly example every day.

      Thank you for your support! I pray that God might use me however He wants to. If Satan could use a handful of very vocal women to destroy our culture and our definitions of femininity, masculinity, marriage, family, motherhood, fatherhood and the God-given authority structure for the church and home – I believe God is perfectly capable of raising up some godly women and men in this generation to tear down the strongholds of the enemy and to rebuild on His truth and restore His design for Christianity and the family to His people. I am willing. I pray He might use me however He sees fit!

      I pray that God might send a godly believer to you who has begun to grasp the basic tenets of respect and submission – and that you might have a marriage one day that brings great glory to God if that is His will!

  49. Robin
    December 19, 2012 at 8:08 am #

    Please email new blog posts

    • peacefulwife
      December 19, 2012 at 4:01 pm #

      Robin, Welcome. If you hit the red button on the right under my picture you can enter your email information and an email will be sent with each new post. Also, if you are on Facebook I have a great Peacefulwife page where we discuss a lot of topics from the site as well as some small ones that don’t make it to a blog post. There is a link on the right a little further down for that as well.

      Thanks.

  50. sophia208
    December 20, 2012 at 5:32 pm #

    Hi April
    Just to say I am truly blown away reading your blog. I dont usually read blogs, am not on facebook so I really think finding you was from God. I am going through a difficult time right now in my marriage.I am a private person and have felt so so lonely, even writing this and thinking others will read it is hard. Thank you thank you for sharing your story, for studying Gods word, for writing for encouraging thank you so much.

    • peacefulwife
      December 20, 2012 at 6:41 pm #

      Sophia208,
      It is wonderful to meet you! If you would prefer, I can take your comment down – but I appreciate hearing from you. If you would prefer to email me. I would be glad to talk with you more. thepeacefulwife@gmail.com You are so welcome. I WISH I had learned this stuff 18 years ago or more, or that I had a blog like this to read when I was learning all of this 4 years ago. It is a way God allows me to attempt to “repay” Him for all He has done in my life and our marriage. May God richly bless your marriage and your walk with Christ. Let me know if you have any concerns or questions or would just like someone to pray with you. :)

  51. Baker's Piece
    January 2, 2013 at 4:47 pm #

    April, thank you so much for your honesty and willingness to share your heart through all of this. I have recently been told by my husband how controlling I have been and condescending, and well, you know the rest. I have felt exactly as you have written in the early stages of wanting to do anything and everything to “fix” it and fix it NOW. However, I know that time and seeking God and being “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry…” are the tools that will get us there. Thank you for the encouragement and hope that change is not only possible, but can’t help but happen when we put God first, then our husbands, etc. Blessings!

    • peacefulwife
      January 2, 2013 at 6:03 pm #

      Baker’s Piece,
      With a humble, teachable, contrite attitude like that – I know God has incredible things in store for you and your marriage!

      But you are right – it does take time. I WISH there were a switch you could flip and be the totally godly wife all the time – but nope – there is no such thing.

      Putting God first seems so easy – but it is VERY easy to put other things first and not even realize it!

      The first phase, after you see your sin and begin to try to learn and grow is usually “the quiet phase” Here’s a link to my post about that: The Frustrating Quiet Phase

    • peacefulwife
      January 2, 2013 at 6:06 pm #

      You are very welcome! I WISH I had a resource like this and a real person to ask questions of when I was learning 4 years ago. But I had God and His Spirit and His Word and a few books – so I had what I needed! You are more than welcome to ask me anything. I will do my best to point you to Christ and His Word. I may have practical suggestions because I HAVE BEEN THERE! And if you have conversations that leave you confused and banging your head against the wall, you are welcome to email them to me and we will hash through them together and I can act as a “translator” to tell you what you are probably communicating to your husband and what he is probably trying to tell you – and I can give you suggestions on ways to communicate more respectfully that he can hear. thepeacefulwife@gmail.com

      I am REALLY proud of you for listening to your husband and taking his feelings seriously. THAT IS AWESOME!

      Also, you can look up April Cassidy on Youtube and if you are more of an auditory learner, I have a number of videos about different topics on this journey that may be helpful for you. Especially right now, the one about apologizing for your disrespect and nonverbal disrespect may be helpful. Much love and huge hugs to you, my dear sister!

  52. Candace McCallister
    February 8, 2013 at 1:04 pm #

    You visited my blog many months ago, so I decided to look at yours. I feel certain that the Lord led me to your blog and resources. My husband and I had been struggling with the exact issues that you describe. It felt like it would just always be that way. But, praise the Lord, it isn’t any more! Such simple and small changes have made a big difference in our marriage. I have even been able to share about this transformation with a few dear friends experiencing similar struggles. Now, I am helping to mentor two younger women in being more surrendered and peaceful wives. Thank you, thank you for speaking out such a truthful and encouraging message. My God continue to bless the work you do!

    • peacefulwife
      February 8, 2013 at 9:19 pm #

      Candace,
      Thank you so much for sharing! I am thrilled to hear what God is doing in your marriage and your heart. It is extremely unpopular – and to the world, God’s wisdom looks like foolishness – but it is the path to abundant life, peace and joy – not to mention the marriage of your dreams, many times. :) I hope to hear more from you soon! If you would like to send me your story. You can email me your before and after along with your lightbulb moments. I may use it as a post and possibly in a project – but I would ask your permission first, of course! aprilc@sc.rr.com Thank you!

  53. Maria
    February 26, 2013 at 5:44 am #

    Hi!

    Thank you for this wonderful resource. I am engaged to a truly good man and we are getting married this June. We both want him to be head of the household. We both feel best that way. Just like you describe.

    But. I am struggling with something. I guess it is normal in the beginning. I want to obey him and feel good and feminine doing so. And also love seeing how good it makes him feel. However, at times I want to feel that he can and will take me in hand if necessary. That there is no contest. But at the same time, I do not want to disrespect him to get that feeling. Any advice you might want to give is appreciated.

    Thanks again for this resource.

    • peacefulwife
      February 26, 2013 at 8:07 am #

      Maria,

      It’s wonderful to meet you!

      Keep in mind that you do need to share your heart with him, your feelings, your ideas and your desires – but do so respectfully. And then if you don’t agree, he gets to make the final decision because he is accountable to God as the leader – unless he asks you to sin! Then you must resist him.

      You want him to be stern with you if you get a bad attitude, you mean?

      There is a wife who wrote about that in this post respect and sexual attraction

      I am actually thankful when my husband is firm with me if I am out of line – but that is not his usual style. Some of that is a personality thing. My husband doesn’t usually get very stern. It is actually a lot harder to honor the leadership of a man who is controlling and very stern/strict than a calm, patient, more quiet man. My husband never raises his voice.

      So I have to discipline myself to cooperate with my husband out of respect and love for God. My submission and respect are gifts I give to my husband out of my obedience to God. So I have to hold myself accountable and know that if I speak my heart and my husband decides to do something else, it is my duty before God to cooperate with my husband’s leadership. I will answer to God for that one day. If I realize that my husband suddenly seems upset with me, I will ask him if I came across disrespectfully, and if I did, then I repent and apologize.

      Ultimately – YOU are responsible for your own behavior, actions, obedience to God, sin, thoughts and words. It is tempting to want to let our husbands hold all of that weight – but that would not be fair. You can thank him when he does work up the courage to confront you about disrespectful behavior or sin in your life. You can be open to listen when he has constructive criticism and not attack him or defend yourself, but truly listen to see if there is something God might want you to change.

      God gives him the position of spiritual authority in the marriage (I Corinthians 11:3, Ephesians 5:22-33, Titus 2:2-5, Genesis 3). God will hold him accountable for his leadership. You cannot take his leadership away. You can try to control him – but it will just create a BIG MESS. Either he will respond with stonewalling or with anger. And you will miss out on intimacy.

      Ideally, you will understand that God clearly gave your man the leadership position and you will respect God’s authority to assign the husband as the head of the home.

      Does that help?

  54. David J.
    February 28, 2013 at 4:35 pm #

    April: Just read this comment in an article by Mark Sheerin titled “Why I Left World Vision for Finance,” by Mark Sheerin: “Jesus did not come to call the truly faithful to the mission field, the less faithful to the pastorate, and the barely faithful to finance.” (For “finance,” we could substitute law, engineering, or any other occupation a Christian husband has.) Unfortunately, too many churches and Christian speakers are good at conveying the opposite message, especially to young people. (They don’t usually say it that explicitly; instead, they tout ministry positions as “special,” “the highest calling,” etc.)

    Do you see much evidence that Christian wives’ disrespect for their husbands is influenced by the false message that men in “sacred” occupations are more spiritual than men in “secular” occupations? One reason I ask is that I think this bad thinking played a role in my own marriage and divorce. She went to our Christian college expecting to marry a preacher, but she fell in love with me (a pre-law student) instead. We laughed when her father (a wannabe lay preacher) and others jabbed (only half-jokingly, or less) about the difference (“did you say ‘lawyer’ or ‘liar’?”, etc.). But eventually it became a genuine issue — I wasn’t spiritual enough, in a million different ways. The capper is that the man she remarried after our divorce is, like her father, a wannabe lay pastor who at least claims to have aspirations of doing various types of “ministry” work from his rural cattle farm. So, part of his attraction for her was — explicitly — that he is more spiritual than I.

    Perhaps I’m personalizing too much, but I wondered if in fact this was a wider problem. And I figured you’d likely have enough exposure to enough Christian wives to have a sense of its validity or not. Thanks.

    • peacefulwife
      February 28, 2013 at 9:52 pm #

      David,
      I think this is definitely a big issue. THen all the expectations we women have of our men as “spiritual leaders” that are not really even from the Bible – but we judge them on these specific behaviors and if they don’t do what we expect, we label them unspiritual. And then, of course, if there is sin, we really can’t respect that – and it makes many women think they are totally justified not to respect at all if they see sin in their husbands. That is not biblical. We don’t have to respect sin. But we act like if there is sin, we are free from God’s commands to respect our husbands. There are so many issues here. But absolutely, I believe the issue you brought up can be a big one in many cases. Thanks!!! How is your daughter? How are you?

      • David J.
        March 1, 2013 at 1:04 am #

        Yes, seeing those clay feet can be a crisis — probably the crisis that opens the floodgates on the repressed anxiety about not having married a preacher in the first place.

        My daughter is ok. She has found that her new school is not the idyllic environment her mother described — there are actually some kids there who aren’t angels (seemingly a much higher percentage of teen pregnancies, for one thing) and who don’t treat her well — but it’s not an unadulterated disaster, either, because she can make friends and find people she likes wherever she goes. She has ongoing battles with her step-father; she resents him generally and easily takes offense at him for even the smallest things. (So far I think I’ve successfully kept to the high road when she complains.) Her BP has not been a problem, thankfully. We have had two monthly visits so far. The January visit was easy because it was only about 3 weeks after she moved away and her mother brought her all the way here because of some local doctor appointments. Our February visit was harder to take because it was 5 weeks in between (and it will be another 4 weeks before the next visit), and it was the first time I’ve had to drive to the halfway point (6+ hours round trip) to pick her up Thursday evening and again to drop her off Sunday evening. The last hour or so of the first leg of the drop-off trip was difficult as we both knew that good-bye time was approaching. She became a little weepy and questioned whether she even wanted to go back. Making the 3-hour return trip alone was both painful and anger-inducing. On the positive side, we talk every day, usually via FaceTime so that we can see each other, and having video rather than just voice makes a huge difference. I’m able to stay as involved as possible under the circumstances, and we pick right up where we left off when she’s visiting.

        As for me, I frequently struggle with anger toward my ex for creating the overall situation (the divorce) in the first place and then for worsening it and making it irrevocable (the remarriage and relocation). Much of the time, the trigger will be associated with my daughter, but it can also be a financial issue, a visit with one of the college boys, the need to coordinate any of the kids’ holiday schedules, or any of a million things. I’ve begun a second round of DivorceCare classes (2 weekly meetings so far) in hopes that will help (again). My productivity is up overall compared to the doldrums of December and January (the month before and the month after the move), but it’s still inconsistent and not where it needs to be. So, as always, prayers appreciated. Keep up your good work.

  55. Cristie
    March 10, 2013 at 4:19 pm #

    My husband told me about this blog & I (sadly & with too much pride) did not take his advice to subscribe & read it. I like you felt I was a Christian & didn’t realize just how spiritually immature I was until TODAY! I made my decision to re-dedicate my life to Christ & to be a more godly wife. I realize now that I FAILED not only God but my husband in horrible hurtful ways. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who learned lessons the hard way. I’m so grateful that God not only spoke to me today, but I’m even more grateful that I answered His call. Thank you for your testimony. :)

    • peacefulwife
      March 11, 2013 at 10:44 am #

      Cristie,

      WOOHOOO!
      I praise God with you! It is a shocking and very painful realization to see the sin in our own lives if we have been blind to it for years. That is how I felt! I wanted to go live in a cave and never talk to anyone else again. :)

      But our God is SO POWERFUL and ABLE. He can transform our hearts and renew our minds. He can work in us to make us the godly wives of His dreams. He can heal our broken marriages and our wounded husbands and our wounded hearts,too. And He can even make something exquisitely beautiful from the mess we have made.

      I cannot wait to see what God has in store for you in your walk with Christ and your marriage! Please let me know if you need anything! aprilc@sc.rr.com

  56. Katie E.
    March 13, 2013 at 12:22 pm #

    What a powerful testimony. I’ve been married for a short while, approximately 1.5 years right now, and I am just coming off a trend of not giving my husband the respect he needs.

    I am the main breadwinner in our home while my husband is earning a degree and cares for our child much of the time. I have learned to truly respect how loving and strong of a father he is and love how he aims to be a good man in the world. I used to criticize how he spent his time when I was at work, and now that I have given him respect he actually is more productive and more loving toward me.

    It can only get better from here, when you start from a place of love and respect. I look forward to reading your posts in the future.

    God Bless, Katie

    • peacefulwife
      March 13, 2013 at 12:50 pm #

      Katie,
      I’m so glad to meet you!

      I’m REALLY glad that you are learning this stuff already, especially if you are the main breadwinner – it is even more important to focus on respect and biblical submission in that case!

      Let me know if you have any questions – I’ll do my best to point you to Christ and God’s Word!

  57. Allie
    April 4, 2013 at 3:45 am #

    Peacefulwife,

    I only recently found your blog, but I can’t seem to get enough! I have really been enjoying reading the information you and your husband provide. I am curious if there is a way to contact you privately? I have a few questions and I don’t necessarily feel comfortable asking them publicly. Thank you for your time and please keep writing!

  58. theJenWeaver
    May 7, 2013 at 7:15 pm #

    I appreciate the transparency of your testimony, thanks so much for sharing!

    • peacefulwife
      May 7, 2013 at 7:49 pm #

      theJenWeaver,
      You’re very welcome. I’m thankful and humbled that God might use me. :)

  59. Very sad
    May 18, 2013 at 4:25 pm #

    Is there a way I can send you an email?
    I have a hard time writing some stuff on the blog.
    Thanks

  60. Hope Blooms in Darkness
    May 20, 2013 at 6:26 am #

    I’m sure you’ve had lots of them but I’m nominating you for the super sweet blogging award – I have already learnt so much from your blog. Thank you!

    • peacefulwife
      May 20, 2013 at 7:37 am #

      Thanks, Hope Blooms in Darkness! I am so grateful you have found encouragement!

  61. Law
    May 31, 2013 at 11:35 am #

    You hit the nail on the head! To be a peaceful wife or husband, you need to understand that God didn’t make a mistake when he decreed what he did in Genesis.

    I know it’s hard for most male-bashing women to do but it’s the truth. I have spoken with loads of women who throw away the bible based on what they read in Genesis. The trouble is, these women very rarely only ever jeopardize their lives alone. Some other human being’s existence is almost always involved.

    YES!!! MOST MEN ARE WRETCHED! JUST AS MOST WOMEN THRIVE ON MISERY!!!
    When your spouse worships misery, it’s only a matter of time that you start entertaining “wretched” thoughts.

    Until such women openly admit this and stop trying to CON the world that they don’t thrive on misery, the state of the home will ALWAYS be in despair.

    Men and Women are to compliment one-another in any relationship. We ARE EQUAL in Gods’ eyes but we are VERY DIFFERENT in features and functions.

    The concept of MAN and WOMAN are like two shoes, you have to have a Right Foot and a Left Foot to truly get the benefit of wearing shoes.

    Yes, you can wear your shoes any way you like, however, your feet will soon feel the pain.

    If there was no need for this, then Adam and Steve (or Madam and Eve) could have made an equally good beginning as Adam and Eve.

    The problem with the current excuse we call society is that it thinks to be miserable together is the best solution as opposed to learn to grow out of misery, with the help of your faith in God.

    I find myself desperate to congratulate any couple who have WRESTLED themselves individually to get to this point.

    It’s reassuring to read blogs from women who get it and understand that your partner is your team mate. You can’t keep expecting them to ignore your quirks if you don’t ignore theirs.

    • peacefulwife
      May 31, 2013 at 11:55 am #

      Law,

      God’s wisdom and His design brings the greatest joy, fulfillment, sense of purpose, unity, strength, power, peace and miracles!

      How I long for God’s people to embrace His ways and be healed.

      Thank you for your comment.

  62. Becky
    July 2, 2013 at 7:25 pm #

    Hello~
    Is this email I found above still current? ( aprilc@sc.rr.com ) I am wanting to email you sometime about a private matter concerning my situation.
    ~Thanks

    • peacefulwife
      July 2, 2013 at 7:45 pm #

      Becky,

      Yes, you may reach me at that email address. :)

  63. songsofintimacy
    July 8, 2013 at 11:12 pm #

    I nominated you for the Shine On Award! Keep shining!!! Your words are what this generation so desperately *needs*. Thank you for helping me on this journey when I first started. God bless.

    https://songsofintimacy.wordpress.com/2013/07/08/the-%e2%98%86shine-on%e2%98%86-award/

    • peacefulwife
      July 9, 2013 at 6:52 am #

      Thank you, Songsofintimacy! :) What an answer to prayer to hear that God used me to help you. I appreciate the encouragement.

  64. Maarja
    July 25, 2013 at 4:29 am #

    April,

    thank you so much for this blog! I stumbled upon it just last week and have been reading your posts ever since.

    I have been married almost for a year now and dealing with all the issues you talk about myself. For some time I have regretted the fact I do not have any experienced christian wives to turn to who could teach me to be a good wife to my husband as the Bible encourages us to do.

    Reading your testimony I was amazed to discover how much I am like you. I have an identical twin sister myself, I have always been a straight-A-student, top of my class in the university, always self-sufficient and reliable, becoming a teacher and attending church since I was ten.

    Naturally, all the traits of my personality and habits from maiden life came with me to my marriage. I did not intend to disrespect or overrule my husband but I did it anyway for I never knew a better way. I have always made more money than him, and being very responsible with those matters (as he generously admits) I felt obligated to keep my eye on (read: have control over) our finances. I tended to remind him things when I thought he was about to forget something important. I never told him to spend time with me or skip his activities but often cried and pouted when he went out anyway knowing I did not want him to go. And so on. Needless to say what a burden it was on my shoulders.

    I never understood his angry reactions to some of my comments or questions that seemed absolutely innocent to me. And it seemed to me he never understood my desire to be number one in his life after God. He always told I was but it was difficult for me to believe it for his actions spoke differently to me. Falling pregnant with our son right after we got married did not help things along, so our first year has been quite rocky.

    I had been reading a lot about marriage and shared my thoughts with my husband, too. Fortunately he is eager to make a change for the better. But I had done it with wrong purpose and attitude – I always thought he was wrong and I wanted to change him. You can guess if it was successful or not.

    Only when I started to read your blog did I see how mistaken I have been trying to lead him instead of him leading me. Though he might not be as educated as me and only a young christian, he is entitled to do that for God has made it that way. I am the luckiest girl on earth to have a husband who loves God more than he loves me.

    Now that I am beginning to understand what it means to respect my husband and to be a submissive and godly wife and started to act accordingly, I have seen such a difference in our lives. The biggest change has taken place in my own heart as I trust my husband and also God so much more. I also shared my thoughts with my husband and apologized to him for disrespecting him for so long. Surprisingly I have seen changes in his behavior, too. He has been more caring of my feelings and thoughts recently and really making an effort to love and please me. What a joy for both of us!

    So thank you again so much for this honest blog of yours! It has been such a blessing for me already, though I have only read a few of the entries. I am glad I have finally found a godly wife to learn from even if she is on the other side of the world.

    May God bless you and your family abundantly!

    Maarja,
    Tallinn, Estonia

    • peacefulwife
      July 25, 2013 at 7:57 am #

      Maarja,

      What a blessing you are! Thank you so much for sharing your story!
      I thank and praise God for what He is doing in you. SO BEAUTIFUL!

      I wonder if you might allow me to share your story (I can share it anonymously if you prefer) as a post when the Respect Dare is over in a few weeks?

      I can’t wait to see what God has planned for you!!!!!!

      Much love, my precious sister in Christ!

  65. Maarja
    July 25, 2013 at 12:40 pm #

    April,

    Thank you for your kind words!

    I ran it by my husband (being a respectful wife now :) ) and it is fine by us if you shared my testimony with wider audience. No anonymy

    • peacefulwife
      July 25, 2013 at 12:50 pm #

      What a smart girl you are! :)

      Thank you, Maarja! :)

  66. Maarja
    July 25, 2013 at 12:45 pm #

    April,

    I find it hard to nurse and type on a smartphone at the same time. Wrong button, sorry.
    As I was about to say: No anonymity necessary, you can use my story as it is.
    Hope it will bless others, too.

    Maarja

  67. FocusOnWhatMatters
    August 30, 2013 at 1:00 am #

    Your blog shares a strong introspective for people looking to improve the quality of their intimate relationships. I found it quite useful.

    I do take offense though that a ‘feminism’ is somehow bad. ‘Feminists’ have enabled women today to have equal opportunity to earn an education, to express our views, to own property, to vote, to work as well as many other rights and privileges that were one the sole domain of men.

    Your blog provides guidance for how women and men need to be personally accountable for their behaviours and actions and consider their impact on others. I believe that this is the point to make, not one that suggests ‘feminism’ is bad.

    • peacefulwife
      August 30, 2013 at 7:49 am #

      FocusOnWhatMatters,
      Thank you for your comment!

      The feminist movement did help to right some major wrongs in the workplace for women.

      Unfortunately, the roots of historical feminism are grounded in anti-God, anti-Bible, anti-marriage, anti-children messages. The women who were the outspoken movers and shakers of feminism about a century ago declared that marriage is oppression. Bearing children and being a mother is oppression. Children are a burden. Abortion is liberation. The Bible is not true. God’s design for marriage is not good. God can be whoever you want “her” to be.

      These are the messages of feminism to which I am referring as being negative.

      But my blog is not primarily about feminism at all – but rather God’s glorious design for women, wives and marriage.

  68. Wanda Rodgers
    August 31, 2013 at 3:40 pm #

    I am so thankful that I simply stumbled on this blog site. I have felt led by the spirit for the past year to do a personal study on Grace and Submission and have been amazed at what I have learned through this journey. I too am a very strong, independent woman who loves the Lord deeply. I am so hungry for the deep and I became so involved in the trappings that years went by before I realized I was pushing the most precious area in the background while I was becoming more involved in the “church” thing. I had lost my balance and perspective. Maturity in Christ when we ask the Holy Spirit to give us clarity and show us ourselves is a much needed daily lesson the same as re-examination. My husband loves the Lord but was not raised in the evangelical atmosphere as I was but what I am learning is that in order for God to use me to the capacity that he ha predestined me for, I must walk in his Word and his commands and trust that even when I don’t like what I see or hear, I know he only wants the best for me. So I am seeing so much of myself in your blog as well as the desire to be that Godly wife that is truly “one” with her husband before Christ. I thought that was what I was, but see more clearly that indeed, I was trying to tell God my “religious” desires rather than asking God for his heart desires to flow within me. I am thankful that I do have a strong marriage, and I am learning that comfort zones aren’t meant to be the standard – to step out on faith and trust and that means to trust my husband more in the areas that I have indeed tried to control or thought I knew better. I know God’s Word works………….he has shown me more than I care to admit but he has shown me with love and compassion and yes, his GRACE.

    • peacefulwife
      August 31, 2013 at 10:11 pm #

      Wanda,

      It is a pleasure to meet you!!!

      I am thrilled about what God is doing in your heart and in your marriage. He is SO VERY GOOD! We all desperately need His amazing grace. :)

      I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for you!

      Much love my precious sister!

  69. hodgepodge4thesoul
    September 14, 2013 at 6:31 pm #

    I don’t know if anyone has told you lately, so I’ll tell you – you’re very anointed; and your love for OUR SAVIOR comes through with every word!

    With the marital problems, myself, this site is just what I needed to stumble upon. But nothing like this happens by accident.

    Thank you for being a willing vessel to share what the LORD has taught you.

    Blessings,
    Dulcinea

    • peacefulwife
      September 14, 2013 at 8:11 pm #

      hodgepodgeforthesoul,

      That is an answer to my prayers! I pray daily that I might write only God’s Words and His message and that His Spirit might speak to each person who reads my blogs. I pray for His glory alone!

      I’m so glad to meet you. I believe you are here by divine appointment. :)

      YOu are welcome. I have to share the riches He has allowed me to taste. I can’t keep this amazing news to myself. My sisters in Christ need to hear these things. :)

      Much love to you!

  70. heathfamily7
    September 24, 2013 at 11:05 pm #

    I just found your blog through the 31 days to a better marriage series. As I read this page, I could see myself! Thank you so much for sharing. I’m definitely subscribing!
    Tara H

    • peacefulwife
      September 25, 2013 at 6:01 am #

      Heathfamily7,
      Great to meet you!

      You are very welcome. :)

  71. Juli vrotney
    September 29, 2013 at 6:17 am #

    I need this….my marriage is rocky at best. Please pray for me…there is disrespect on both sides. Thank you

    • peacefulwife
      September 29, 2013 at 6:36 am #

      Lord,
      I lift up Juli and her husband to You. I pray that You might help her to find the path You have for her, that she might learn to embrace Your design for marriage and desire to become the godly woman and wife of YOUR dreams. I pray You might work in her husband’s heart as well. Help her to trust You and be willing to obey You even when she doesn’t understand. Bring great glory to Yourself in her marriage, Lord!

      In the Name and power of Christ.
      Amen! :)

      Much love to you, Juli!

  72. Eva Cornejo
    October 4, 2013 at 5:15 pm #

    I’m so glad I found your blog! I’m a divorced single mom with a dominant personality so I, like you, was used to taking charge. I’ve been dating a man, committed to Christ, who would tell me I wasn’t respecting him. I thought that I was, but reading the Bible, prayer, and a little research showed me that I was all wrong. And your blog kinda puts it all together so thank you for sharing your story. The man I’m dating is a good man, and I know I need to let go of my pride in order to show him I can someday be a good wife. Or a “peaceful wife.” :)

    • peacefulwife
      October 4, 2013 at 9:51 pm #

      Eva,

      I am so excited about what God is doing in your heart. What a blessing to have a man who is actually telling you what is wrong. That is a BIG help! Please keep me posted. Let me know if you want to talk about anything. :)

  73. Jerri
    October 22, 2013 at 1:05 pm #

    I am grateful to have found your blog. I was especially shocked to see my SELF in your post about making your husband the big breakfast. Eye opening.

    Can you tell me some practical ways on how to get started? I bought Love & Respect and will start reading that tonight. Thanks.

    • peacefulwife
      October 22, 2013 at 1:53 pm #

      Jerri,

      It is great to meet you! :)

      Yes… many of the posts at the top of my home page are very good places to start. Love and Respect was what God used to show me my sin. Excellent book! But I needed so much more detail about what respect and disrespect are and examples of respect. That is why I have the lists about what husbands say is disrespectful to them. The post at the top of my home page about respect has a link to another post where husbands share what is respectful to them.

      If you are a believer in Christ, you will want to read the Biblical Submission post.

      Tomorrow I have a post coming out with my notes from a class I took this fall about spiritual authority and how all God-given spiritual authority works in all arenas of life. Very good foundational stuff.

      There is MUCH to learn. It is tempting to try to eat the whole elephant all at once. But it takes time to really absorb these new ideas and truths and to get rid of the lies we have embraced from our culture and learn how different our men are from us and learn to be the godly women God desires us to be.

      I’m right here whenever you want to talk or if you get stuck or have questions. I will do my best to point you to Christ and His Word. :)

      I can’t wait to see what God is about to do in your life! :)

      • Jerri
        October 22, 2013 at 2:01 pm #

        Great to meet you, too. I am very excited and yes, I am a believer in Christ, although I am just really starting to pursue him. I feel him drawing me near, and i am trying to draw near to him, too. I have made my husband and my marriage my God, and it is time for me to put God first. My way has not worked. Surprising, huh? Thank you for the direction and answering my questions.

        • peacefulwife
          October 22, 2013 at 2:16 pm #

          Jerri,

          I am glad to do anything I can to encourage you, pray for you and walk beside you on this road. :) I’m THRILLED that you are ready to tear down these idols and pursue Christ with all your heart. It is painful at first. Dying to self always is. But it is SO VERY WORTH IT! Soon, you will learn to find all of your identity, purpose, peace, joy, contentment and satisfaction in Christ alone. He is MORE than enough! And He is worthy of your ALL. Living with Him as LORD of everything is the path to peace and joy. There will be difficult times and suffering – but God will use it all to make you more and more like Jesus. :)

  74. Sarah
    October 29, 2013 at 9:55 am #

    Hi, I am so glad to have found your blog. I really need your advice on my marriage because I just feel hopeless right now. First I will tell you a little about my husband and I.

    My husband is an only child from parents that were drug and alcohol addicts during his childhood. He was abused and neglected and obviously they were not Christians. He is very submissive, laid back, and calm and hates conflict with me, even small arguments can throw him into a funk that lasts weeks where he will not have sex with me.

    I came from a divorced family with a disengaged mom who married again. My stepfather routinely mentally abused me and occasionally beat me. My childhood was one of constant fear. My bio father was also an alcoholic who was mentally ill possibly from the constant alcohol. I was also sexually abused in a daycare I went to by some older boys. When my mother found out she said that all kids do that sort of stuff and kept me there. My mother was and still is totally disrespectful to men and her husband, as is all my extended family of 5 aunts who all have had several marriages. Non of my family are Christians, but several of my cousins are now and my sister and I have both given our lives to Christ.

    I mention these things so maybe you can see the walls both my husband and I built up and brought into our relationship.

    We met when I was 19 and he was 23. We fell in love and married when I was 21. He had two children from a previous marriage and I had a daughter who was 3 at the time of our marriage from a highschool relationship. From the first we went at our marriage wrong, or I should say I did. I was very dominant and bossy. My husbands laid back style drove me crazy. Especially when dealing with his ex wife who was abusive to her children and anytime my husband tried to discuss it with her she went nuclear. In the end he let his ex wifes husband adopt his two sons thinking it would make their lives better because she was so horrible to them whenever they would come over to us. This threw him into a terrible depression where he checked out of our marriage for years and denied me sex allot. Over the next few years we had three children. Our marriage however was a wreck due to job problems, lack of money, my husbands depression, and my reaction to it all including exhaustion from the babies.

    I was constantly disrespectful to him and tried to control his actions after he repeatedly made bad financle decisions that really made our life difficult. In turn he ignored me, denied me sex to where we would only do it once a month or so, and intentionally ignored things like birthdays, anniversaries, and other romantic holidays. He has told me he did this. He is also not a leader in our home and has a hard time parenting our children or disciplining them due to fear that he would loose control and hurt them like his dad did to him.

    For many years I felt completely unloved, ugly, and unworthy. All things I felt as a child never once having experienced the love of a father. I reacted with more disrespect and anger which of course made him check out even more. We were on the Crazy Cycle! I have been a stay at home mom much of this time and we have always struggled to make ends meet which has put more stress into our marriage. For all that I know what I am doing is right because I was raised in daycare and would never do that to my children. I would rather be poor than have them exposed to the things I was. I have worked babysitting, night jobs, and even started a successful blog to help our finances.

    We both became Christians about 7 years ago, I would like to say our marriage got better but unfortunately we were so stuck into the Crazy Cycle that it didn’t help much. I also still had major problems with disrespect. I realize now that I just don’t know how to respect my husband at all! I never once saw it as a child and our culture certainly doesn’t show it. I also have anger issues, looking back probably to do with my childhood.

    My husband isn’t a bad guy, he loves our kids and plays with them and enjoys them. He goes to work every day and even though he doesn’t make much he works incredibly hard. He still loves me I believe (which is a miracle in itself since I have been so horrible) and is faithful to me. I also have been faithful to him. He does not look at porn by the way. I always keep track of that and am not trusting in any way.

    After all that you must wonder what my problems is! After a serious illness much of my anger went away God opened my eyes to how lucky I am. I still get frustrated with him because he often makes really bad decisions, and I am still very disrespectful when we have a difference of opinion.

    My problem is this. I have not felt love for my husband for probably 10 years. We have been married for 14. During the years when he checked out I felt so abandoned, unloved, and hopeless that I just felt no love for him. I don’t want a divorce purely for our children because I know how horrible divorce is. My husband and I rarely fight or argue now because I just don’t care anymore. Although I love sex I don’t care if we have sex or not anymore and wait for him to initiate it which is maybe once every few weeks. This is also because whenever I have initiated it he rejects me.

    I feel frightened because I have no idea how I could fall in love again with him, or feel any affection to him at all. I cook, keep the house nice, and care for and love our children, but to me he is just another responsibility I have. I have never felt protected or cared for by him either emotionally or physically. Usually when something bad happens I have to comfort him and he never comforts me. We are very different people when it comes to interests and lifestyle. He loves to watch tv while I would rather be outside on a walk. He is not a great communicator while I love to talk about all sorts of things. I don’t enjoy talking to him and I don’t really enjoy being with him either.

    While starting the Love and Respect Book I realized while I want to show him respect I do not want his love. I don’t want him to touch me, or show me affection. I want to be nice and polite to him but I don’t want any return of love. This is what is so depressing to me. I just see no hope for our marriage when I don’t even want to be loved by him.

    If you have advice to that it would be great. But what I am really looking for is what to do to be respectful to him when I don’t really want anything in return. I don’t want to cuddle with him or kiss him anymore. I would rather just show him platonic respect if that makes sense. I do not deny him sex, and I do enjoy it when we do it. In fact there has not been one time when I have denied him sex in our marriage. But for me now sex is just a release, it does not make me feel closer to him.

    • peacefulwife
      October 30, 2013 at 6:28 am #

      Sarah,

      I was working yesterday and am working all day today, too – so I have not forgotten you! But wanted to try to be able to give a proper response. What a nightmare you both had growing up. No wonder things have been so difficult :(

      THANKFULLY, God is able to “reprogram” your mind/heart/soul with His Word and teach you His wisdom and help you breathe life and healing into this painful situation.

      Marriage is not built on feelings. Thankfully! The way marriage works is – we obey God’s Word for us. We focus on asking God to change US. We trust Him to be the Holy Spirit to our husbands. We accept our husbands and look for the good in them and we praise and respect and appreciate everything that we see that is good. As we learn to honor our husbands, respect them and step down from control, they usually will begin to step up. Eventually. It may take a long time. That is ok! Usually, after we obey God – feelings often return in time. But even if they don’t – feelings are not our goal. It is EASY to make “feeling loved” by our husbands into an idol we cherish more than Jesus. Our goal must be to love and please Jesus first, to find our contentment totally in Him even if our husbands never change and to ask Him to cleanse our sin and empower us to be the women He desires us to be.

      Check out the posts on respect and disrespect at the top of my home page for some very specific ideas of how to avoid disrespect and how to respect.

      The primary purpose of your marriage is to demonstrate the profound mystery of the intimacy between Jesus and His church.

      Lay down this feeling of “I don’t want his love” “I’m afraid I will be hurt.” Lay down your hurts from your childhood. Lay all of your fears, expectations, rights, wisdom and desires at His feet. And pick up His wisdom, His power, His plans, His priorities, His goals, His wholeness, His love/joy/peace/patience/kindness/goodness/faithfulness/gentleness/self-control. Seek His glory more than anything.

      Your feelings are not in charge here. You are. You have the choice to obey God, not your feelings.

      Feelings can be important. But they are not THE MOST important thing. Obeying Christ and being close to Him and blessing your husband is the most important thing.

      Focus on Christ, He is more than able to change your feelings my precious sister!

  75. Burning out
    January 3, 2014 at 12:43 am #

    I am reading this for the first time, lying next to my sleeping husband. I called him a lot today and he worked very hard. I felt like I was making sure he was ok and he felt disrespected. I got angry that he had the nerve to feel disrespected and we haven’t spoken since. We have been married just 2 years and I love him to pieces, but this isn’t the first time we have fought like this. I am grateful to have found this blog, as my prayer right before I found it was asking God to fix his arrogance. Haha. Looks like it is mine we should be “fixing.” I have a very stubborn and controlling personality, but I like this because I can succeed at controlling myself. Thank you. I look forward to a new future.

    • peacefulwife
      January 3, 2014 at 8:04 am #

      Burning Out,
      It is so wonderful to meet you! :) I can absolutely relate to your issues. But I am really excited about all that God is about to show you and do in your heart. Please let me know how you are doing my sweet sister!

  76. Wayne
    January 8, 2014 at 12:36 pm #

    Just saw this in my Yahoo.com news feed that I thought (if you haven’t seen it already) you might find it interesting and supportive.

    http://celebrity.yahoo.com/news/candace-cameron-bure-defends-her-quot-submissive-role-214500595-us-weekly.html

  77. Jena Lovig
    January 14, 2014 at 11:58 am #

    Hi I am a mom of a 7 month old boy who I am still breastfeeding. My hubby came up to me one day and said I want to nurse your breasts. I did not know what to say, I was shocked. I said I would think about it. So a day later I created a account on anrdating.com to get some advice but I haven’t. Can you give me some advice

  78. Shelly
    January 18, 2014 at 1:52 pm #

    Your words and wisdom are so encouraging as I learn to focus on Christ and not my worries☺️

    • peacefulwife
      January 18, 2014 at 6:29 pm #

      Shelly,
      It is fantastic to meet you! I can’t wait to walk beside you on this exciting adventure. :)

  79. Kari
    January 27, 2014 at 8:06 pm #

    I am so moved by your writing. Just last night our Pastor spoke with us about Biblical marriage. I was very convicted. I will write you more soon as I can. Pray for me sister! !!

    • peacefulwife
      January 27, 2014 at 9:02 pm #

      Kari,

      It is wonderful to meet you, I am so excited about what God is about to do in your life!!!! Can’t wait to hear more about your story. Of course I will pray for God’s will, for Him to show you any sin so you can repent and for Him to empower you to become the woman He desires you to be!

      Much love to you!
      April

  80. Mjwieber
    January 30, 2014 at 4:36 am #

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

    I have been searching and searching for someone, like myself (I thought I was perfect- who wouldn’t want to be married to me??) who has experienced the desperation of loneliness in a marriage when it seemed I was doing everything right.

    I appreciate your sense of humor – the report card…DEAD ON! I also appreciate your honesty.

    I look forward to reading everything you have shared and I pray that my marriage will be blessed by your insights and that I will also have the courage to be humble enough to change.

    • peacefulwife
      January 30, 2014 at 6:22 am #

      Mjwieber,
      I am so pleased to meet you! I can’t wait to see all that God has in store. I’m right here to talk any time you’d like. We can walk this journey together. :) I am always glad to do my best to point you to Christ and His Word.

      Much love to you!!!!!!!!

  81. Maeve
    January 30, 2014 at 5:12 pm #

    Hi April,

    Am in need of urgent help for our marriage. I emailed you 2 or 3 days ago but have not heard from you. Perhaps my email went into your ‘junk folder’?

    Please let me know.

    • peacefulwife
      January 30, 2014 at 5:17 pm #

      ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE:

      If you sent me an email in the past few days – I have responded. But – apparently – not everyone is receiving my responses. My apologies. Please let me know if you haven’t received a response from me. :) Thanks!

      Maeve,
      I sent you the responses twice – so I sent a total of 4 emails to you. I am not sure why you are not receiving my emails, :(

    • peacefulwife
      January 30, 2014 at 10:13 pm #

      Maeve,

      Ok – I resent all 150+ emails that I had sent to everyone in the past few days. I am hopeful you received BOTH emails this time! :)

      • peacefulwife
        January 31, 2014 at 8:04 am #

        Maeve,
        Have you received my emails?

        • peacefulwife
          January 31, 2014 at 8:16 am #

          if you are on Facebook, you can find my Peacefulwife Blog FB and message me and I can get them to you that way. :)

        • peacefulwife
          February 1, 2014 at 1:52 pm #

          Maeve,
          I sent you a test email last night – haven’t heard back from you. I had written two LONG emails to you – but they were lost on my tablet when our email server changed. :( I am glad to rewrite them – but before I spend 30 minutes doing that, I want to be sure you are getting my emails. :)

          Thanks so much!

          • Patti
            February 2, 2014 at 1:41 pm #

            Hello April, I just found ur viseos n blogs! I really really enjoy them. How can I email you? I have a few questions and need advice!!

  82. Karil
    February 4, 2014 at 7:00 am #

    Oh my Dear Precious Lord!!! How you have touched my lonely, hurting, confused, STRONG WILLED BOSSY HEART!!! Last night after 32 years of marriage, I came to a place of severe discouragement and loneliness!! I had come to the conclusion that my only solice would be in starting my own “lonely wife blog”. That my only place to go was to blab on line about how terrible and lonely my life was, living with my passive out of touch husband! What good would that do? I have no idea! But after trying to tell my husband how lonely I felt and how he “wasn’t doing this marriage thing right”! Of course there was a still small voice inside saying “no child, just pray” but I tried to ignore it. So in doing a google search of any other blogs about lonely wives (not to read from or learn, just to make sure I could have the spotlight alone,) I ran across your blog! As I started to read your about page, I tried to pass it off as ” what can she know? Only being married a short time?” Trying to pull away but being coaxed to stay and read just a little bit more! I thank you so much! I feel hopeful that there is help for us. I will read and follow your blog. I will read the book you recommend. I will follow Gods leading. And pray for my husband. Maybe he will read your husbands blog? It will take great constraint not to force it on him!! Lol. Thank you and God Bless

    • peacefulwife
      February 4, 2014 at 7:48 am #

      Karil,

      I like you already! You are hysterical! :)

      I have a feeling that as you begin this journey – I may have to ask you to write some posts about it for me that will bless many other wives. :) In fact, I would love to share your comment on my PW FB page, if that is ok with you! LOVE IT!

      There is EVERY reason for hope in Christ, my precious sister!

      The awesome thing is – your husband doesn’t have to read my husband’s blog. Even if you just allow God to change YOU – He can begin to radically heal both of you in His timing. It’s a long, long journey – but an exciting one! I am so excited you are here!

      Please let me know how you are doing. I am thrilled to meet you and I can’t wait to see what God’s about to do. The first part is painful – hang in there – it gets better!

  83. karilg82
    February 4, 2014 at 8:54 pm #

    Thank you so much :) I am honored that you would want to share my comment on your Facebook page, please do!
    God bless you in your ministry, I am so happy that I found you and found direction…I will let you know how things are going :)

    • peacefulwife
      February 4, 2014 at 9:29 pm #

      Karilg82,

      Sounds like a fabulous plan to me!

  84. Edy
    February 7, 2014 at 8:16 am #

    I try hard to respect my husband, but I end up feeling like his mommy over and over. When u talked about fear, I completely understood. I feel as if I don’t handle everything, nothing in our lives will be taken care of… Was your husband this way? Did your changing help him to step up and be the man God has called him to be? Or, did everything kind of fall apart, and you had to go through a lot of suffering waiting for him to be a “man?”

    My husband is a wonderful person, and as I said I do TRY to respect him, but having to remind him every week to take out the garbage (literally it will pile up for 4 weeks if I don’t), or to clean up after himself…. I try, but end up feeling so resentful, as if I DO have another child. As a strong woman, I don’t WANT another child (surely don’t want a sexual relationship with one!!!!!) I want a storing man!

    Any advice? Thoughts? Thank you

    • peacefulwife
      February 8, 2014 at 9:35 am #

      Edy,
      Precious girl!

      I did feel that way!

      I had to do a lot of waiting, yes. But then he slowly did take over.

      How do you ask him about the trash?

      Check out the posts at the top of my home page about disrespect and respect. They may be helpful.

      And search the word “lead” on my home page, there are a number of posts about why husbands don’t lead and how we can inspire them to lead.

      Let me know what is on your heart! :)

  85. Edy
    February 12, 2014 at 12:28 am #

    Not sure why, but the link in my email took me back here instead of to respond to your comment, and the comments are out of date order.

    Anyway, thank u for ur response, I will search “lead” as u suggested. I find my self thinking, “I would do as little as possible too, if I just had a me running around taking care of everything.”

    My mom was very disrespectful to my dad growing up, and I am pretty mindful of being outrageously so. Not saying I’m perfect, I have my days. I end up thinking, “how am I supposed to respect you?” I love my husband, but I’m exhausted in every way. I feel like he and his children (my step kids) take take take! They think nothing of just sucking up every drop of everything I have. Money, time, energy!!!! He is loving, and I believe in love, he just cares more about himself than me.

    Literally, he has no problem sitting on the couch for days, while I don’t sit down except maybe 10 minutes here and there. He isn’t financially responsible, he would spend twice what we have if I didn’t hide money! He isn’t working, and I’m working from home cause I have a new baby… I feel like I’m sinking, and he is standing there watching me….. And telling me not to forget his laundry before I go under!

    I’ve talked to him kindly, nicely, sugar coated blatantly….. He just gets upset tells me I’m wrong (I’m not I promise), and goes right back to doing a whole lot of nothing.

    I don’t want to divorce, my girl needs her dad, but as far as myself, I’m feeling, I’m doing everything on my own now…. Without him and his kids id have 1/4 of the work, half the bills, and none of the stress! We’ve been married a little over a year……

    • peacefulwife
      February 12, 2014 at 7:43 am #

      Edy,

      If you get a chance, please check out my posts at the top of my home page about disrespect, signs husbands feel disrespected, respect and biblical submission.

      Do either of you have a relationship with Christ?

      If you try talking to him kindly for a day or two – that isn’t going to cut it. He needs to see REAL, GENUINE respect and change for many months – or, most husbands do – before they begin to care about their wives’ feelings.

      Most men, if they feel disrespected and controlled will NOT care about their wives’ feelings. But, as you become someone he can respect, and he sees you genuinely respect him, in time, you can simply ask him for things, without pressuring him, and he will most likely begin to start to help you. Especially if you drop all the negativity, complaining, arguing, criticizing, lecturing, telling him what to do, etc… and begin to thank him, appreciate him, praise the good in him and encourage him.

      How is your relationship with Christ going? You are going to have to have the power of His Spirit to do this!! :)

      Much love!
      April

  86. Edy
    February 12, 2014 at 9:35 am #

    Honestly, I really do those things…. Patience kindness love etc…. When I get upset it’s few and far between.

    My relationship with God is a close one…. I’m not legalistic or anything, it’s more of a quiet personal relationship.

    I will check out your blog, thank you

    • peacefulwife
      February 12, 2014 at 9:52 am #

      Edy,

      I am so excited to hear about your walk with Christ. That is the key, :). Looking forward to getting to know you more.

  87. Hayley
    March 12, 2014 at 10:13 am #

    Hi,

    I wanted to give you a heads up that DatingAdvice.com has named you as one of the year’s “10 Best Blogs for Wives.” The rankings were published this morning, and we’ll be promoting it on-site and through other social media channels over the coming days.

    You can view your write-up here: http://www.datingadvice.com/for-women/10-best-blogs-for-wives

    You have the bragging rights, so feel free to share the news on your blog and with your followers! Let me know if I can be of any help in promoting the news.

    Can I send you a badge recognizing that you made the list?

    Have a great day,
    Hayley

    • peacefulwife
      March 12, 2014 at 6:45 pm #

      Hayley,
      Thanks so much! That is extremely kind of you. :)

      • Hayley
        March 13, 2014 at 10:08 am #

        You’re very welcome! We would love to have you guest blog for us. Send me an email if you’re interested :)

  88. robertjgood
    March 15, 2014 at 4:35 pm #

    Thank God for your blog.

  89. Leslie
    March 23, 2014 at 4:06 pm #

    Hi there! Just stumbled across your website…by the Holy Spirit’s leading I’m sure. I love what I’ve read so far. Thank you! Do you have a Facebook page as well that I can follow?

    • peacefulwife
      March 23, 2014 at 4:18 pm #

      Leslie,

      Welcome! It is a pleasure to meet you!

      Yes, I have a Facebook page called “Peacefulwife Blog”

  90. Ivonne Mare
    March 25, 2014 at 7:08 am #

    Thank you for sharing your testimony!
    Praise God my sister shared this article with me! I needed it!

    • peacefulwife
      March 25, 2014 at 7:41 am #

      Ivonne,
      It is great to meet you! I am excited about what God is planning to do in your life. :) there are many posts here that I believe will bless you on this journey to become a godly wife. :) much love!

  91. Rhiannon S
    March 30, 2014 at 1:30 pm #

    Hello =) I have been a subscriber for only a month or so, but I wanted to let you know what a blessing and inspiration it has been. I love your heart for marriage and it is blogs like yours and some other passionate women that inspired me to start my own. I share your passion for marriage and women respecting their husbands. It is a joy to read your work and if you have any advice for an up and coming blogger it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for sparking the revolution of wives! http://www.revolutionarywives.com ;)

    • peacefulwife
      March 30, 2014 at 2:12 pm #

      Rhiannon S,
      I am so thrilled to hear about what God is doing in your life!

      Would you like to write a guest post for me?

      Much love to you!

  92. Rhiannon S
    March 30, 2014 at 4:40 pm #

    Yes! That would be amazing! Thank you. If you want to email any specifics that would be great. rae16_88@hotmail.com

  93. nelpam
    April 10, 2014 at 3:34 pm #

    Dear Amy

    Do you have an email address or do I just write to you here. I really just need to chat about things and dont want it posted for all to see.

    Thanks

    Kathryn

    • peacefulwife
      April 11, 2014 at 8:23 am #

      Kathryn,

      You are welcome to write here – I can keep your comment in moderation so that it does not post if you would like. Would that work? Thank you! It’s great to meet you. :)

  94. Tosin
    April 17, 2014 at 9:11 am #

    God bless you and God bless your husband so much. Thanks for sharing your experience and for working on restoring the first institution ordained by God. For discovering this and walking in your purpose, you’re one of the greatest women walking this planet! I appreciate and celebrate you! May God honour and reward you with untold happiness and overwhelming joy and fulfilment.

    • peacefulwife
      April 17, 2014 at 5:08 pm #

      Tosin,
      I cannot take any credit for any good in me. I owe everything to Jesus for that. :) and He has given me joy and peace like I never could have possibly imagined as I submitted myself fully to Him and to Greg. I count myself the most blessed woman on the planet and I am in awe of all that God is doing here. God is GOOD!

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  1. Biblical Submission- a Huge Key to Peace | Peacefulwife's Blog - July 26, 2013

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  2. My goals for 2014 and Happy New Year’s wishes. | Sunshine Mary - December 31, 2013

    […] Cultivate a respectful, submissive attitude toward your husband.  Start reading The Peaceful Wife’s blog if you are unsure about how to do […]

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