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From Clark Kent to Superman! (From the Archives)

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I have the vision to see the hero deep inside of my husband – the man God desires him to be and created him to be – and how, by God’s power working in me and my respect and cooperation, he can fully become that hero of a man.

Everyone else may just see a normal guy.  But I know better!


I don’t know about you, but Lois Lane got on my nerves in the Superman movies with Christopher Reeve.  It was hard for me to see exactly what he saw in her – of course, I was only 7 years old at the time.  I had the biggest crush on Superman – and I really thought he deserved better.  (I am going to use this character as an example for those who have seen these movies already.  I am not endorsing the Superman movies as honoring to Christ.  There is plenty of ungodliness in them.  If you have already seen these films, the example of the characters may be helpful.)

But she can still illustrate my point nicely.  Think about how differently Lois acted when she thought she was with “Clark.”  She was exasperated.  She really didn’t want to be around him.  She was above him.  She used the tone of voice of an angry teacher.  She practically ignored him.  She cut him down.  She bossed him around. She clearly did NOT respect him AT ALL.   Of course, he was acting differently, too.  But what if she had taken the time to really see deep into his soul and see who he really was?  All those little annoying Clark habits would have suddenly disappeared!  And wasn’t that what he really longed for her to see – the hero he really was deep down inside?

When he was Superman, she looked at him so differently – with awe, respect, faith, trust and adoration.  She spoke respectfully to him.  She admired his ideas, his intelligence, his abilities, his powers.  She accepted him.  She didn’t belittle him, criticize him or condemn him.  She looked up to him.  She was honored just to be in his presence.  She probably reverenced him – so aware of his power, strength, dignity and masculinity.  And that faith, awe, respect and adoration drew him to her like a magnet.

You may think your husband needs to act like Superman and then you can treat him more like Superman.  But that is backwards!

First, you begin to see the hero in your man, and then he will become more and more that hero.  Then God’s vision for him can become reality for both of you.  He will likely rise to the level of faith you show in his masculinity, leadership and abilities.

Your most potent tools for good are your radiant smile, your complete trust, your gentleness, your delight, your joy and your adoring eyes.  When you show him that you are loyal, that you won’t hurt him, that you support him and are standing beside him, proud of who he is and what he wants to accomplish in life – that is HUGE for your man!  A guy would do practically ANYTHING to get another “hit” like that from you.   To most men, this kind of treatment from a woman is the greatest reward in the world!  It’s what most men spend their whole lives searching for.  And when they find it, they will usually CHERISH, LOVE and ADORE a woman who treats them like this!

I MUST MUST MUST remember that I CAN’T change my husband.  God changes people.  I can influence my husband.  I can obey God.  I can make it easier for my husband to come near to God and to me.

Changing my husband is NOT my role – that is God’s role alone.


I discovered that my tongue was made of kryptonite.  So many words I said, so many attitudes I had were sucking the strength and life out of my hero.  I was destroying my man with my negativity, disrespect, pride and my exasperation with his “lack of leadership.”  And without even knowing that I was doing anything wrong, my tongue was becoming lethal to my husband, sapping him of the very things I once respected most.

Thankfully, God was able to remove my evil tongue and replace it with one that could be life-giving to my man!  He empowered me to use my words to build my man up, to show my faith in him, to show my admiration and respect.


A wise, respectful, godly woman can see the incredible hero potential in a man and knows how to slowly, carefully, methodically draw the hero out of him.  She does this with her husband, she does this with her sons and she can teach other women to do the same with their men.What an exciting, rewarding, incredibly critical job!  (A note of caution here – as you learn what respect is to men, keep the “respect knob” turned down to “low” with other men – this stuff is VERY powerful and would be extremely destructive to your marriage and other marriages if you use it full force on other men.  The main target of this incredible powerful respect of yours is your husband alone.)

A godly wife will continue doing what she knows God wants her to do regardless of her husband’s response or lack of response. (There are extreme situations – drug/alcohol abuse, infidelity, physical abuse – where doing what is best for him may involve removing herself and their children for a time).  In the power of God’s Spirit, she is patient.  She is untiring.  She takes slow, thoughtful, careful, deliberate steps.  Nothing – including her husband – can deter her or cause her to alter her course.  She knows what her roles are, where her power is and exactly how to do her job.  She does not need affirmation from her man.  While affirmation from her husband would be great, she is seeking affirmation primarily from God.  If there are setbacks, she abides in Christ and continues to have total faith in God and to stay on track, keeping the goal in her mind at all times.  She has unshakable faith that her partnership with God can bring the inner hero of her man to the surface, revealing a godly, Christlike, generous, selfless, faithful, wise, kind, loving, wonderful hero of a  husband – in God’s timing, by His power for His ultimate glory.


A godly, wise woman understands masculinity, understands God’s heart for men and can see into the soul of her man.  She can see the hurt and pain that make him react in anger or make him close himself off to the world – she knows the subtle signs that he is feeling disrespected.  She sees the way he clenches his jaws if someone makes fun of him in front of others.  She notices the way he backs away emotionally when he is lectured, criticized or insulted.

She can identify the disrespect that is his kryptonite and tenderly, carefully remove each splinter of it from their relationship.  She knows his true identity and has a vision of his ultimate destiny!  She builds him up.  She fuels and energizes him with her genuine respect and admiration.  She knows that when she removes all of the kryptonite that weakens him, showers him with her feminine faith and trust, and allows him to lead – he will be free to rise up and fly!  He’ll bring great glory to God and amaze the world for Christ! 


One day, the wise wife will see the fruits of her labor.  For some, they see it in a few months, others in a few years, for others it takes decades.   Occasionally, she may not see the fruit of what she has done for God in her marriage until heaven. But there is nothing more incredible than having a front row seat to watching God bring the hidden hero out of my husband and allowing Him to use me in part of the process.

How I pray that every wife will see the Superman in her husband and will take the time to learn how God allows wives to have unbelievable power in marriage to bring out the best in their husbands.  Then she can have the blessing, privilege and joy of seeing her man soar on wings like eagles for the glory of God!  And he will be happy to take her in his arms and allow her to enjoy the spectacular view with him!

PS –

You have GOT to check out the comments!  There are some REALLY powerful observations from a husband.

34 thoughts on “From Clark Kent to Superman! (From the Archives)

  1. “She can identify the disrespect that is his kryptonite and tenderly, carefully remove each splinter of it from their relationship.”

    Kryptonite is a very good way to view it. Mine was pride, in all of its variations. It wasn’t until I believed that God could actually do a better job than me, (and that I had enough on my own plate to keep me busy) that I was able to ‘stand-down’ and move out of the way so the path was clear to my husband.

  2. Powerfully true!! This can be taken a step further. It was Lois Lane who gave him the name Superman. It was the newspaper writings that influenced public opinion about Superman. In Superman Returns, Lois writes an article, “Why The World Doesn’t Need Superman.” A wife has the ability to influence public opinion about her husband. I’m prayerfully waiting for my kryptonite to be removed.

  3. The only Lois that came across as being a decent match for Superman was the one in Lois and Clark on TV a number of years ago. Other than that I think it was a HUGE mistake for him to not go with Lana Lang.

    My wife showed me the very night we met that she saw past my geeky exterior and saw the ‘superman’ inside. Nobody had done that before and I was blown away, it was a big part of how I knew she was the one.

    1. Mr. Incredible,

      I had forgotten about that show!

      That is pretty fascinating about your wife. If you are willing, I would love to hear what it was that she did that showed you that she saw the superman in you. I respect your decision either way and really appreciate the comment!

  4. For those who have not seen the Superman movies – I am not endorsing them as if they are godly movies. There are many parts that are definitely ungodly. But – for those who have already seen the movies, I believe that the examples of disrespect and respect in these characters may be helpful to consider.

    1. That is a very interesting point!

      It kind of makes me think about how so many of us as women believed our men were “Superman” before we married – then things changed.

      Thank you!

  5. Please explain :the ‘respect knob’ turned down ‘low’ with other men” a little more. I am not sure I understand this.

    1. DaisyMae,

      When you learn how to respect your husband well and how to speak “respect” fluently with him – you will also know how to speak respect fluently with other men. It is fine to be respectful to men around us. But if we begin to focus in on praising, affirming and using our words to build up other men, we can easily trigger romantic feelings in the right circumstances. Especially if a man is feeling disrespected at home.

      This is why the “admiring secretary” can be a problem for a man’s marriage.

      If you realize that a man is coming to you for admiration, praise and validation a lot – that can be an area where you may have to back off a bit and not use your powerful respect skills on that man. Not that you would be disrespectful, but you will be careful not to feed his need for female appreciation, admiration, adoration and respect because he is not your husband.

      Also, counseling men about their relationship issues can get really sticky. A man who feels disrespected may start confiding in you- then he sees you give him respect. Again, it is easy to open the door to temptation.

      So, we have to save the “full volume” respect for our husbands. Does that make sense?

      1. Wow!!! That was powerful!!! So that’s how us men get caught in the web of infidelity!!! Wow the sublties of the enemy!!! Thank you April & Greg!

      2. Oh yes, thank you, that makes perfect sense! I was totally in left field on this one and thinking that you meant not showing too much respect to another man in front of your husband. I was not thinking of it from the other man’s view. But, that is how “other women” attract married men by building them up so I get that completely.

        1. Yep!

          Respect is some potent stuff. We can inadvertently attract other men because we will understand them and their masculine needs – we will have to consciously NOT meet their needs sometimes even though we know what they need – because they don’t need to get that need met from us.

  6. Everytime i read your blogg i am sooo inspired! The pity is when i i loose focus my old nature coming out spontanous even so i dont plan for it. I wished i could press the respect-button for forever and ever…

    1. Daniella,

      I agree! Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could just permanently set a button and not have to deal with it again? But then, that wouldn’t require faith and growth and God’s Spirit to empower us, I suppose. 🙂 I know when I was learning about all of this those first 2+ years, I had to read about it every single day to help drill it into my head. 🙂

      1. Yes. This is how it is for me. I need every day to study this topic, read fitting Bible passages or books on submission or your blogg 🙂 . Otherwise i loose focus. Your blogg is the greatest blessing to me. I guess i was ready to receive it now as a gift from our Lord. 10 years ago i would not be able to read and understand… 😉

        1. Daniella,

          I wish I knew this stuff 10 years ago! 🙂

          But I was still clueless in 2003.

          I’m glad that God brought us together with His perfect timing and that He has opened both of our eyes. 🙂

          Much love!

Thank you for sharing in our discussion here. Much love to each of you!

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