This wife wrote to me a few months ago – full of anger, bitterness, confusion and hopelessness about her marriage. There was a lot of conflict before, and serious talk of divorce. I love getting little updates about how she is doing. She shares the struggles and victories. She has a HUMBLE spirit and is willing to listen to God’s voice and obey – even when it is hard and painful. I heard from her this week and am amazed at what God is doing. THANK YOU to this beautiful wife for allowing me to share. I know many other wives are about to be blessed!
I’ve been on a mission to find a “conflict-free” wedding ring set replacement for awhile now. We found one I like that is exactly what I wanted. We watched the movie, Blood Diamonds and I just was so touched I was set on finding a diamond alternative. So God was telling me I want a “conflict-free” ring but not a conflict-free marriage!?
And all yesterday I’ve been hearing be the conflict-free wife. It has really stirred me up in a big way. So I’ve been aiming towards being the conflict-free wife every moment. Learning to shut my mouth and trust God to work on (my husband) and it’s like an instant switch in him. When I let go of my controlling attitude - and put on loving and quiet one - he responds better immediately.
I hugged him super long after he came home from work last night and kissed him and neither one of us wanted to let go. It felt like the beginning of our marriage. Then one day this week he woke up smiling and said, “I had a dream of you last night.” I was surprised because for months I have been having dreams of him. I think God has been hinting to me through my dreams to have more intimacy with him. So I told my husband, “I know we get busy and tied up between the baby and (you) working and doing all (your) work/travel stuff but if we start making time once a week to become intimate – I believe it can open a lot of doors.” He loved the idea and agreed.
I mean its kinda sad we have to make sex an agenda on the calendar but I know eventually God will make it second nature for us again (no agenda needed). Well lastly, our daughter woke up with a little fever this morning. She was cranky and crying so we teamed up to bathe her and I told him he was a great father. Well I was playing with her and when I got up from the floor my husband was right behind me. He pulled me in for a kiss and said thank you for taking care of her. It made my day.
I’ve been trying to esteem him and edify him more even when I feel like he should be doing it first to me. But I have noticed when I put my wants and needs to the side he will come back, maybe not immediately, and say something to esteem me as well. This road to being the peaceful wife or the conflict-free wife is not easy but it sure is worth it. He use to tell me there was always drama with me so I want to change that by becoming a conflict-free wife he wants to be around and be happy to call his wife. God has sent you to open my eyes. I tell all my married friends about you. Submitting just makes more sense. We were always at a 2 way street but (my) submitting makes us become one. THANK YOU APRIL!!!
My birthday is tomorrow and he picked up an extra night tonight so I can have the best birthday he said. He plans on giving me a massage and sending me to the spa to get a mani & pedi ! He stayed up one night this week to allow me to sleep because our sick daughter was so restless. And April let me tell you, that is NOT expected from him. He cherishes his sleep. He gets angry if I disturb his sleep.
So I was so upset one night I said, “Why can’t you help me at night with her more? Can’t you make coffee and stay up and help so I can get sleep for once?” But, see, men won’t do what we tell them. They want to do it on their own without us acting like a mom telling a child what to do. I’m learning this more.
So the next day when he came from work and my daughter was restless again and I planned on him not helping but I was just going to bite my tongue and cry through it if I had to. *dying to self is sometimes that hard for me – I could cry trying to not give in to my flesh*. So I didn’t say anything – and, girl, next thing I know, I hear the coffee maker going.
I was like, “Honey, are you making coffee?” He said, “Yes, I’m going to let you sleep tonight since you didn’t last night. I made coffee so I can stay up with her.”
I was speechless. I would have never seen that happen in a million years.
Also, I was nagging him for awhile saying I’ve been meaning to mop the kitchen and bathroom but I keep forgetting. I told him since he wakes up early why can’t he just do it for me? Well, me saying that did not work. So I dropped it. I would just say I’m going to mop today if I can remember to. Well this morning he came to me and said the floors arw mopped. He even did all the dishes went to the store and bought cleaning supplies to clean. Vacuumed, woke up with the baby, changed her diaper, went for his morning run and remembered to kiss my forehead while I was sleeping and the baby’s and told us he loved us and locked the door on his way out (something he always forgets to do and it always bugs me).
I just asked him why did he clean the entire house? He said he was going to because its my birthday weekend. I almost want to shed a tear or 2 because I remember the day I talked to you was on his birthday. I ruined his by talking to my ex because my husband and I got into a fight and I felt down. I ruined his day and for him to try to make mine the best a month and a half later is a miracle.
He even prayed with me this morning without me asking. I mean honestly I’d be lying if I said this marriage is perfect. It’s not, nor ever will be… but we are making more progress than ever before. If I keep working at it I can see my husband becoming the loving, Christian husband I want him to be. I just have to keep seeking God. I want to become so consistent in respecting my husband it becomes second nature. Because I still struggle with being consistent now but I always bounce back to being submissive when I hear God say you handled that all wrong. You didn’t do what I told you to do. Go apologize and let’s do this over again.
I think submission is obeying God’s voice over our own. I’ve grown a lot, thanks to you. Please don’t stop being a blessing to women like myself. This is a hurting world that gives up too quickly. And sadly it’s Christian marriages that are taking after the world with giving up to quickly on their marriages. We’ve forgotten or some like myself hasn’t even heard of the word submission. I will teach my daughter all about it so she knows her role as a Christian and wife. My mom never taught me because she never did it herself. Maybe she didn’t know from her mother. God can always repair though and break generational curses. But thank you again and again and again. We we’re looking forward to divorcing when I spoke to you now I’m looking forward to working on my marriage and working it out. God is a healer.
Sure you can share. If it can help another wife just hold on one more day in their marriage or try again even after failing to submit (which I’ve done numerous times) then I don’t mind you sharing. My husband kept saying yesterday that he wants to be a better husband to me and he’s ready to get back the passion in our marriage again. He’s been so nice it’s kinda hard to take in. We were in the car yesterday and I said why are you being so nice? And he said I’m just trying to wash feet. LOL. Meaning he’s just trying to serve me. Cutest way to put it.
Well it’s my birthday today. He cooked me breakfast and bought me flowers, candy, a card that he wrote a beautiful message in, money for me to get a mani & pedi today and some Talenti gelato (I’m obsessed with it) lol. He did a great job.
I’m certainly thanking God for working with me and guiding me through this whole submission process. It’s the hardest thing ever but IT WORKS APRIL!!! IT REALLY WORKS!!! When I first started it and it wasn’t going well I thought it was crazy but I kept trying even after failed attempts of me giving into my stupid flesh and I can see a massive change!!! Thank you immensely for sharing your story and journey of submission. Without it I’d probably be a divorced single mom. So thank you & God bless you, your family and ministry.