So sometimes we wives think we are helping our husbands when we are actually trying to control him. But it is true that God designed women to complete men and complement them. It is true that God said it was not good for man to be alone. That was the only part of the creation story in Genesis where God said anything was not good.
OUR DESIRE TO HELP IS FROM GOD
A wife deeply yearns to meet some important needs in her husband’s life. She wants to know she is valued and precious and cherished by him. She wants to know that she is touching his soul and meeting his needs in ways that no other woman or person could possibly help him.
SOME GREAT WAYS A WIFE CAN HELP THAT FEEL LIKE HELP AND SUPPORT TO HER MAN (this is not an exhaustive list!):
- Give him the gift of leadership in your marriage and home. Learn to be an enthusiastic, encouraging, cheerful, supportive follower of your husband. God will use your support, admiration and submission to turn your man into a godly man and into a hero!
- Allow him space to think and process his ideas like a man. Understand and study the way he thinks and the way the male brain works and what real masculinity is and embrace it instead of trying to make him become more feminine.
- Help him gladly when he specifically asks for help, but refrain from “helping” when he is working on something and is NOT asking for help. That can come across as disrespectful sometimes, mothering or smothering.
- Be as available to him physically as possible. Gary Thomas in “Sacred Influence” describes how oxytocin, the “bonding hormone” (that women have such high levels of that make them so relationship oriented and helps them bond with their babies and sexual partner) only increases significantly for men AFTER physical intimacy with their wives. They truly need a physical connection to be open emotionally. And the one flesh relationship does things emotionally and spiritually for our husbands that we truly cannot begin to fathom or define as women. Gary Thomas also describes that sex is a glue that holds marriage together- designed by God. By ministering to our husbands physically, we can help keep them feeling bonded to us and by extension to our children. We can also help ward off sexual temptation which happens to be the biggest temptation for most men and is extremely destructive to marriages and families and children.
- Instill positive attitudes into our children about our husbands and their father. We can give our husbands the gift of our children’s affection and love by the way we speak of their Daddy.
- Make their job as the head of the home as pleasant as possible and not being demanding, in a bad mood most of the time, negative, pouting, chronically angry. We can work on our own spiritual growth and pray for God to make us women of joy, peace, kindness, love, thoughtfulness, respect, humility and faithfulness.
- Guard our hearts against temptation and keep our focus on God primarily and then our husband. And when our husband fails us, we can look to God to meet our needs. Husbands can’t be Christ to us. Only Jesus can do that!
- Make our home a pleasant, cheerful, welcoming, orderly, loving, happy place. The wife sets the emotional climate of the home – she has immeasurable power over her family in this area. I pray we will determine to have homes that our husbands WANT to come home to.
- Develop more of a sense of humor, We can work on doing things that make us happy. This sounds weird to most women. How does doing things that make me happy serve my husband? It sounds SELFISH! But our husbands LOVE more than anything to see us happy and joyful. When we take care of ourselves, our husbands benefit from our great mood and beautiful smile immensely!
- Flirt with our own husbands and be playful, fun and full of wonderful, creative surprises to keep our men captivated by our love.
- Acknowledge our husband’s spiritual authority and show him honor and respect as the head of the home and talk to our children about respecting their daddy and model respect for our children.
- Get involved in our husbands’ interests and hobbies and be his buddy. Men bond by doing recreational things shoulder to shoulder and most husbands would LOVE for their wives to try going fishing, or to the race, or to sporting events, or to sit and watch them work on their project in the shop and just be there, smiling and savoring being together.
- Put our husbands squarely above our children and other priorities. Only God should be above our husbands in our lives!
- Do what our husbands ask of us (as long as they are not asking us to sin or do something illegal). It speaks volumes of respect to a husband when a wife does the things he asks her to do.
- Listen to our husband’s ideas, suggestions and solutions and let him be our hero by taking his advice sometimes and letting him know we think he has a wealth of wisdom and insight.
- Go to him for protection when we are feeling threatened by harm physically/emotionally/spiritually.
- Make meals he really loves to eat. We can keep the snacks he likes and drinks he likes in the house.
- Honor his choices and preferences and not tell him he’s wrong to like or not like certain things and accept him exactly the way he is without trying to change him one lick!
- Rest in his love and relax knowing he is making wise choices for our family and that he has things under control and doesn’t need us to micromanage him.
- Not make a big deal when he makes mistakes. Extend a lot of grace. He already knows he messed up. A wife making a big deal out of his failures will cut her off from his heart and make him not trust her anymore.
- Appreciate the visual temptations he has to face and be empathetic and supportive that his weaknesses are different from ours and that he needs and deserves our help, prayers and support not our condemnation in this area.
- Pray diligently, faithfully and with great fervor for our husband’s wisdom to lead our family and for every aspect of his life.
- Welcome him home like we are SUPER glad he is home and make him feel like a million bucks by our big smile and hug and kiss and by having the house calm in order as much as possible when he walks in the door. We can have supper waiting on the table if that is what he likes. Or we can give him 30 minutes of peace and quiet to unwind from the day before he has the children all over him.
- Cuddle with him and be glad that he desires us.
- Praise and thank him every time we see him doing something we like.
- Study him and learn what his unique needs as a man and individual are that you can meet. Appreciate that not every way of showing respect, admiration and help works for every man. Each one has his own particular needs.
I’d love to hear your thoughts! If you are a husband, how does your wife help you in a way that is meaningful to you? If you are a wife, what are some ways you help your hubby that he really appreciates?
Please help us learn how to be the best helpmeets for our precious husbands. Thank You for designing marriage and men and women the way You did. Let us be more and more like Christ as we learn to be the wives You desire us to be! Use us to bless our husbands and children mightily!