It is all about you, your behavior, your attitudes, dying to yourself, following God wholeheartedly and being willing to obey Him yourself! That is the beginning of being a true helpmeet who knows how to use her godly influence. Our power is in our own obedience to God, our own intimacy with God, our spirit of humility, and our respect and admiration of our men.
It is humbling to note that just as our obedience to God’s Word and our godly spirit can help our husband draw nearer to God, our disobedience to God’s Word can also repel our husbands further away from us and from God.
New Awesome Book Alert!
I am reading an incredible book for wives called, “When a Woman Inspires her Husband” by Cindi McMenamin. I heartily recommend it! This book is such an encouragement that gives wives a lot of practical ideas for being the best possible wife. Written from a Christian perspective, Cindi asked her husband, Hugh, “How can I be a woman who inspires you, who draws you closer, who makes you all you can be?” Later “the list he gave me eventually became the table of contents for this book.” How amazing is that!??!
She goes on to say, “When a husband is happy, his wife is happy. When he is treated like a king, respected as a man, admired like a hero, and inspired to be all he can be, his wife reaps the benefits… As you come alongside your husband and start living with him the way he wants you to, being for him all he needs you to be, you will end up one fulfilled woman!”
Big Discussion at Our House
There was a quote from Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg “6 Secrets to a Lasting Love” in McMenamin’s book.
“The more encouragement and affirmation he receives from his wife, the easier it will be for him to discern God’s voice.”
So I asked Greg about this. I could understand how not hearing a wife’s constant criticism, negativity, sarcasm, insults, anger, etc. could leave enough quiet where a man could hear God’s voice better. But I never really thought about that a wife’s praise and admiration could help him discern God’s voice. I decided I needed to do some investigating!
Greg said, “That (statement by Dr. Rosberg) “would definitely be true! It would be natural with any husband. I don’t see how that couldn’t be true!” My husband said that “a wife’s admiration builds (her husband’s) confidence, even spiritual confidence. This leads to more certainty about decisions when a man feels confident in his role.” Hmmm. This fascinates me! So not only does it help my husband to hear God better when I eliminate my negative use of words, but my building my husband up actually helps him be more receptive to God’s voice! THIS IS AWESOME NEWS!
Greg also said that the positive use of words along with the lack of negativity work together for a husband’s spiritual growth, “A wife’s praise creates intimacy and closeness. And her lack of negativity leads to peace, security/safety, harmony, fellowship and atmosphere.” This is the perfect recipe for a man’s spiritual growth with God AND intimacy with his wife emotionally and spiritually – and we ALL want that with our husbands!
Following God’s Commands as a Wife Brings a Husband Much Closer to God
WOW! I think it’s important for wives to know that God gives commands for specific reasons. He doesn’t just want to try to make things hard or unfair for us. He is giving us the secrets to great marriage relationships! He is giving us the keys to unlocking the richest possible intimacy in our marriage and with Himself! So many wives long for their husbands to be more spiritually mature, better leaders, closer to God… And then we sabotage our own desires and spiritual goals by trying to talk a lot to our husbands about spiritual things (instead of “winning him without a word” I Peter 3:1-2), nagging him, refusing to go to the church where he feels more comfortable, refusing to follow his leadership if we don’t agree with him, criticizing him, belittling him, ridiculing him, humiliating him, making fun of him in front of others in a joking way (that is actually devastating to him), putting him on the spot spiritually, expecting more of him than he is currently capable of doing… We don’t understand our powerful role in our husband’s growth as a leader and growth as a believer! And we end up demoralizing and deflating our men instead of inspiring them. It’s time for all that to change!
We can’t make our husbands grow spiritually. We can’t change our husbands. We are not God! THANKFULLY! But through God’s Spirit working in us, we can change ourselves!
We have a powerful influence for godliness in our husbands’ lives if we:
- Make it our BIGGEST priority not to tear our husbands down with our words.
- Make it our next biggest priority to use words to give life, to encourage, to affirm, to praise anything that is good in our men, to admire, to thank them for every effort they do put forth – no matter how small!
- Develop a spirit of saying “yes” to our husband’s ideas, directions, requests and leadership (unless what he is asking us to do is blatantly wrong).
If we are willing to make these 3 sacrifices, there is nothing God can’t do in our marriages! We will be putting our husbands in the best possible position to hear God’s voice. Our goal has to be for our husband’s best interest, not our own selfishness. When our hearts and motives are pure, and we trust and obey God, God’s power will pour down and it is an exciting adventure to see what He might do next!
Help us be willing to obey You even when we don’t understand and it seems hard, or impossible! Empower us by Your Spirit to become the godly wives You desire us to be! And make our husbands the godly husbands and godly leaders You desire them to be!
In Jesus’ Name,