How to be a Lonely, Frustrated, Angry, Overwhelmed, Worried Wife

It takes a lot of work and commitment to do the things I am about to describe. But I promise you that if you carefully follow these steps, you will be successful at achieving your goals!

  1. Take charge of the marriage and family as much as possible. Boss your husband around and be sure to tell him how to do everything the right way – YOURS! Be as tyrannical as you possibly can.
  2. Micromanage all of the decisions your husband must make and be sure to tell him your ideas are a lot better than his.
  3. Complain whenever he helps you with chores around the house or with the children and make sure he knows you don’t approve of his efforts at all.
  4. Take over the finances and tell him how much he can spend each month – make sure his budget is as bare-bones as possible.
  5. Be grumpy, unhappy and negative about everything. NO smiling! Absolutely no gratitude!
  6. Keep yourself sleep deprived and do not do ANYTHING nice for yourself. You want to feel as deprived, exhausted and unkempt as possible to get the maximum effect on your marriage.
  7. Tell your husband his ideas are ridiculous and worthless. Make fun of him in front of other people to really stomp him into the ground.
  8. Wear old, sloppy clothes and don’t do your hair or makeup whenever possible.
  9. Set God in a little box and don’t give Him any power in your life. You be in charge of all of the situations and MAKE everything happen yourself! You don’t need God, right!
  10. Do not trust your husband with anything – not even little things. Do everything yourself so that you know it is done right.
  11. Be unaffectionate, distant, moody and unpleasant.
  12. Scowl a lot. Frown constantly. Yell whenever someone doesn’t do what you want them to.
  13. Do not appreciate anything your husband does for you. Expect way more than is humanly possible so that you can be disappointed constantly.
  14. Don’t spend time with God. If you find you MUST spend time with him, do all your praying complaining about what a horrible husband you have and how awful God is for giving him to you.
  15. Don’t count your blessings.
  16. Look at the negative side of things in your marriage, and in your husband and rehearse those things over and over in your mind constantly. In fact, it’s even better if you can tell as many other people as possible about how awful your husband is, too.
  17. Undermine your husband’s discipline of the children and his authority in front of your children. Be sure to say that his ideas are dumb and you don’t care what he thinks.
  18. Insist on your own way no matter what!
  19. Never admit you are wrong or that you made a mistake.
  20. Be as prideful as possible. You deserve your rights after all! Your happiness at the moment is all that matters.
  21. Spend all the money exactly as you want to without any consideration of your husband’s feelings.
  22. Think of all the ways you can be disrespectful toward your husband and constantly surprise him with new lows.
  23. Be completely shut down to your husband’s ideas, plans, desires and sexual attention.
  24. Never compromise.
  25. Look at yourself as a victim with no power to change anything about yourself. Remind yourself often that if only your husband would change, your life would be wonderful.
  26. Don’t look at your own faults or repent of any of your own sins. Keep a ready list of all of your husband’s faults, and ignore your own.
  27. Refuse to follow your husband’s leadership. You’re smarter and know better than he does.
  28. Don’t think about commitment, sacrifice, or the covenant vows you made before God. Think of your marriage and husband and family as totally disposable.
  29. Put your children ahead of your husband. Make sure he knows they come first.
  30. Put your career ahead of your husband. Don’t be concerned with his priorities or feelings.
  31. Don’t ever listen to any of your husband’s suggestions or advice. Assume he doesn’t have any wisdom to offer you.
  32. Always assume the worst about your husband.
  33. Doubt your husband’s love all day every day.
  34. Always trust your feelings and emotions when they tell you that your husband doesn’t really love you. Your hormones are much more dependable than your husband.
  35. If your husband does try to lead in your marriage, make his life as difficult as possible. Argue, scream, cry, pitch a fit and insist on your own way.
  36. Withhold your body from your husband just to prove your point and to punish him.
  37. Think about every possible thing that could go wrong today and in the future and focus on how awful each scenario could possibly be and how you could fix it (apart from your husband’s help and without God’s presence).
  38. Compare your husband’s weaknesses to the strengths of other men and imagine how much better it would be to be married to someone else.
  39. Make friends with other men and confide all your marriage problems to them. Flirt with other men often.
  40. Commit yourself to nursing grudges and resenting everything your husband has done to hurt you. Refuse to forgive him. This will greatly speed up the destruction of your marriage.
  41. Tell your husband he doesn’t make enough money for you to be happy. Complain that he is a terrible provider. If you make more money than he does, throw that in his face a few times a week.
  42. Know deep in your heart that you are such a better person than your husband is.
  43. Be hateful to your husband and then complain bitterly that he never spends any time with you.
  44. Be sure to have lots of girl friends who will also be willing to be very disrespectful of their husbands and who will encourage you to do the same.
  45. Send him hateful text messages and emails.
  46. Harrass him at work and create a lot of drama for him.
  47. Be incredibly demanding and insist that he do what you want IMMEDIATELY whether it is humanly possible for him to do so or not.
  48. Berate him like he is a naughty little boy and you are his very angry mother.
  49. Accuse him of being unfaithful to you frequently, even if there is no evidence against him.
  50. Hold back nothing negative from your children about your husband.  Drag them into your marriage and try to get them to hate him as much as you do.
  51. Tell him how much closer to God you are than he is and how spiritually immature he is.  Look down your nose at him and use a holier-than-thou attitude frequently.
  52. Be very impatient with him all the time.
  53. Keep score how much you sacrifice for him and how little he does for you.  Make sure to count your efforts with more points than you count his.
  54. Compete with your husband for who has the worse life and the worst end of the deal in your marriage.
  55. Spend money as selfishly, lavishly and irresponsibly as you can.  You deserve to have really nice things.
  56. Tell your husband how to do everything he needs to do – the more detail the better.
  57. Gripe about little things every day.  Complain about clothes on the floor and what a burden it is for you to have to clean up after your man.
  58. Expect your husband to spend 5 hours of quality time with you per day.  Begrudge him any time with his friends or doing hobbies or being away from you.
  59. Expect to be the center of the universe, or at least the family and the marriage.
  60. Tell your husband to do something urgently and then do it yourself before he can get to it.

I know this all sounds like a LOT of hard work! You actually don’t have to do ALL of these things to completely ruin your marriage. But the more you do, the sooner you and your husband can be the most miserable couple on the planet.

Lord,

Help us to be godly, thankful, accepting, humble, gentle, forgiving, women who are devoted to You and to our husbands. Let us do good for our husbands and bless them daily by our presence, our words, our attitudes, our kindness and our influence.

Amen!

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3 Comments on “How to be a Lonely, Frustrated, Angry, Overwhelmed, Worried Wife”

  1. Hans
    March 11, 2012 at 11:05 pm #

    That’s quite the list. But it begs the question. Couldn’t you come up with one more to make it 60? Or would that just be over the top? ;)

    On a serious note, I hope your readers get the point you are trying to make, that not only is a good marriage work, but so is a difficult one.

  2. whollyhappy
    April 9, 2012 at 10:12 am #

    This list is amazing. Thank you very much. Sometimes I need a little reality check. :)

  3. whollyhappy
    April 9, 2012 at 10:14 am #

    Reblogged this on WhollyHappy and commented:
    Do you want an unhappy marriage? Peacefulwife gives some great advice on how to accomplish just that.

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